So we started on the mailbag stream of consciousness a little earlier.

I’m totally fucking game. If we get the questions, I’m here with all of the wrong answers.

I was thinking about Sex and Cooking Tips? Don’t worry I’m just doing the Hollywood pitch here, nothing of substance.

Mike from Freehold wrote in and says: I can never get my girlfriend to do anal. I’m getting frustrated and I could really use an Italian hoagie from WaWa.

Well Mike, the first thing I can tell you is to ask for fresh produce on your sandwich. Most of the time these high volume subs-as-a-second-class-citizen places will serve you leftover shit that’s been stewing in their bain marie for like the last three days on account of someone (Supervisor Pete) got the killer coke and we just raged on the sho-ah for too-tree days and it’s probably got more diseases than a Kardashian. Get fresh veggies and always…ALWAYS ask for the meat on your sandwich to be freshly sliced. If they don’t freshly slice, fuck that deli! There are plenty out there that will freshly slice. Bunch of pre-measured fuckin’ hoo-wahs.

As for the anal? Coat your bunghole in white chicken gravy and you’ll be golden brown and delicious.

Paulie writes in. – Yo fucking Paulie! I fucking love you man! – Paulie says: ” No matter what I do, the slow smoked pork shoulder that I make is nowhere near as good as that fucking asshole Dan next door. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I use the same wood, the same smoker, I even have the same grilling utensils and I bought mine at Crate and Barrel! The fuck!?! What can I do. His wife’s tits are so nice!

I would start with fresh spices. Have you ever tried buying the whole peppercorns, whole cumin seeds, fresh chili pods, fresh thyme, some paprika and grinding your own spice rub? That will put your rub on the road to flavor town.

Can you text me a photo of his wife’s tits? I’m asking for a friend.

Pete from South Belmar axes: “Yo! yeah, right? Yez got that fuckin killer Hawaiian shit, cuz these two girls from Manasquan are lookin’ pretty fuckin’ hot over here.”

That’s all the time I have for tonight. Remember, Keep your groinal areas involved and watch out for the herpes! And always cook fresh. Fuck That Store Bought Shit!

fin

Submitted for your approval.

RS,tldr