![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio
Xmas Ape has left KSK, and KSK may soon follow.
This site is basically the spiritual successor to KSK like KSK was the creation of Deadspin commenter refugees. With Ape gone, I feel like we’re in the position of Redford and his team in The Candidate. Fuck, we won? What do we do now?
We’re Team Santos at the end of The West Wing. What’s next? Everything.
When you say it fast, the computer screen in that picture sounds like “pray for rape.”
Long time listener, first time caller forced out of the woodwork by those fat cats at Uproxx HQ. So if you’ll have me, I’d like to become a lifetime member of your wonderful organization.
Welcome!
Farewell, he was an Ape but he was far more evolved than most of us.
Pours one budlight into PK’s allgash.
BRING MEAN THE FUCKING HEAD OF UPROXX.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/3531514bf3da60823c5951cdd97dad4a/tumblr_nat48uYBfQ1qdxn3oo1_1280.jpg
Hell, yes. We must hunt those bastards down & execute them publicly, so all who would sully the good name of KSK shall quake in fear at the methods of our harsh retribution.
Or we could drink. Drinking’s good, too.
With Xmas Ape out, I think KSK shall be removed from my bookmarks. No point sticking around there now.
Sure, now you see it. I WARNED ALL OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! Instead of seeing that I was taking 7 beers, then 31, then 15, with labels that spelled out UPROXX WILL DESTROY US ALL, you all complained about your lack of precious microbrews and random stains on your couches! WELL NOW YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET! THE FUTURE IS ONLY DYSTOPIA NOW! WEEP, FUCKERS! WEEP AND WAIL FOR YOUR WASTED YEARS, AND MY BLEEDING ASSHOLE! WHICH YOU WILL SOON HAVE AS WELL!
Well, there goes the fucking neighborhood.
/hides beer
Agreed.
/hides couch
I think New School should post exerts of his NFL History Book . So we know what is instore for us.
Are we committed to rivebrogs over here? Please tell me we are. Prettt please.
I would also like to yank the yellow button off UPROXX and burn it at the stake here I’d possible.
I’m…I’m not ready for a world without rivebrogs.
Hey there, big guy. Turn that frown upside down. You thought the yellow bar was bad? Wait until you get a load of some of the systems DTZM has been testing!
Edit: In all seriousness, DTZM is testing some interfaces for the express purpose of live blogging because he is the best, so there will be blood live blogs.
Cuntler isn’t kidding. You’ll pray to Xenu for the yellow bar.
Ha thanks – I hope I can find one that we all love – otherwise I’ll code one, but that’s not ideal because I am LAZY. If anyone is good with WP and wants to help, we can work together btw. I’m not selfish, I’m more than willing to share the work.
I would love to help but it would pretty much be a disaster and resort to me posting photos of post it notes. Your work has been inspirational and we all owe you a tremendous debt…. a debt we pay by harassing you for your hard work.
http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/210/036/pika.jpg
All I can provide is emotional support.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/02da3994dfce6b18074385c8d771d0cd/tumblr_mkl16m15mb1qam8b5o1_400.png
Well, I can provide spiritual support too.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/8b49548899080162f0bb68bc67af8501/tumblr_no73ldjU3I1qawxr6o1_500.jpg
I complained about the yellow bar, but I always wanted to fuck it.
No wonder Moose, look how it was dressed.
All those bold colors. Well, the one bold color.
We’ll get it figured out – it just takes time because it’s a side gig. Evenings and weekends and all that.
Anyone else gon be drankin early today?
http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Steve-Buscemi-Sobbing-and-Drinking-Reaction-Gif.gif
Oh shit yeah.
hey guys whats goin on in this thread
Just knifin’ around.
That’s not a knife, that’s a spoon.
chillin
sorry i meant chillllin
Recovering from the shock.
oh IDK… we are all just #upforwhatever
KSK fans acting completely reasonably (no, really).
Spilly!
Some jackass is posting unrelated gifs….. AGAIN.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/bf3d78c049a9ed504abf6251e6c710f8/tumblr_mi6lvnLM1M1ro8ysbo1_500.gif
But I was thinking later we could go cruising down by the highway.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/b856c0f2436a330d065931345635f7e5/tumblr_ndppk2y2vf1sgl1o6o1_1280.jpg
Imma ready.
I liek that you like posts here and in 2 years when the world changes and the context of the comment you can then unlike it. Those +1’s last forever… well until Uproxx nukes KSK like they did WithLeather. Also, I heard there is a rumo(u)r (for our Canadian friends) there was an edit bar?
I will say the email popping up with those plus ones were a nice ego boost.
I was told there’d be punch and pie here?
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/53242931.jpg
Our marketing department, ladies and germs.
I thought we were here to Free Hat
Did anyone tell Trevour that Covalent regularly posts aboot hockey (ie, ice footbaw) here?
Sorry i was distracted for a minute watching some hockey. Someone said something about hockey?
Hockey.
I was genuinely worried there for a second that I’d have to use my professional WordPress account to register. I am relieved.
Good thing finding the site was easy.
Apparently today was the wrong day to have a busy morning. Time to play catch up here. I, for one, welcome our new DFO overlords. #UPFORWHATEVERHORATIOSAYS
Well if it’s truly #UPFORWHATEVERHORATIOSAYS you all better get ready for some naked hide-and-seek in the cornfields of New England.
And bring a date; this ain’t no sausage party.
Note for all of the new people: I remember being about 8 years old at a Notre Dame game with my Dad (we were there to root against Notre Dame) and we were pissing in the bathroom. Some drunk creepy asshole (probably a priest) comes in and loudly says: “SO THIS IS WHERE ALL THE DICKS HANG OUT” and then laughs at his joke for what felt like 10 minutes. It was just me and my Dad in there with him, and neither of us said a thing. This is the first dick joke I ever remember hearing.
tl;dr: Yes, this is where all the dicks hang out.
“Boy this water sure is wet” – is not my most favorite dick joke used in the public bathroom.
The last time I felt like this was when I heard R.E.M. was disbanding.
It truly is the end of the world as we know it. And I do feel fine.
It’s like when Kurt Cobain shot himself and a while later the Foo Fighters were born
It’s sinking faster than the Titanic over at KSK.
/cue band
//plays Celine Dion in honour of Risk
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
Looks like we’re that last thing. Cool with me, especially if Greatness is a buxom redhead.
So is there some kind of copyright on some of things on ksk or could some of it be brought over here
Ownership of the copyright and trademark depends on a number of variables we’re not privy to (yet?).
You can always say “It is a homage and we’re not making any money you goddam hater!” and storm out self-righteosly.
I think if formats are similar and names are slightly different than everything is good. But I am not a lawyer…t hats Horatio
Copyright can be tricky on the internet, especially when so much material is culled from other sources. That said I’m with what DTZM said; KSK was great but leave it as KSK. We can come up with our own shit here or die trying.
Or maybe just get sort of buzzed trying; dying seems a little extreme.
I’d like to avoid that. We’re our own entity and we’ve done a great job of creating our own content. We want to do things our way, and that means all original stuff. We can embody the spirit of what made KSK great.
Hey I’m here for the ride man. What can we do to help?
Make all of your dick jokes here and if you ever want to write a column, let me know!
I can contribute the 9 Circles of Leasts.
Heres a hint this week’s would have Uproxx at the same level as Goodell
Hey DTZM… I have one written up if you guys want it. Where should I submit it?
I made you an Author – don’t let it go to your head. Have you used WP before?
It’s up and posted. I have very very basic knowledge of wordpress but I’ll get better I PROMISE!!
You dun good!
Yes!! this needs to happen!
I’m still going to celebrate the Matron Saint’s Birthday as a holy day.
The King is Dead, Long Live the King!
Not Peter King… he is sadly still alive.
MILWAUKEE-Asked restaurant host: “God, did you hear about Peter King?”
Host: “No.”
Me: “Alive. He has yet to kill himself.”
Thought he would cry.
/door creaks open
Hellou? Am i in the right place? GPS said 13 kilometres to the east.
WELCOUME!!!
HEUY!!1!11!!1!
The fuck’s a “kilometer?”
MY CAR GETS 40 RODS TO THE HOGSHEAD AND THAT’S THE WAY I LIKES IIIIIIITTTT!
You still sure you don’t want those Thin Mints?
lol my gravatar url tag still says “trevoruproxx”.
Basically i need Mick Fleetwood in the Running Man to take this brain-exploding collar off me.
love the gravatar pic though
some dick jokist sent it to me via twitter. the wife and i are planning a trip to visit our namesake monument this spring.
It’s lovely to see you. We needed some down-home Canadian politeness around here.
Oh great, another foreigner here to take our jobs.
Wait, you guys are getting paid?
EY DOOK HAR JERBS
Once I saw a Josh Kurp byline on KSK, I knew the end was near. It sucks, because now I have to find a new site to hide from my boss when he comes lurking around.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
JamesonGBrown has the same number of balls as the Byzantine Castrati.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BAN SILL!!
/remembers never to piss Sill off.
Sill you sly dog you.
Had I known the domino effect I was setting in motion I never would have tried to point out that “El Chapo” maybe, just maybe, wasn’t the most dangerous man on the planet.
Should start referring to you as Sill “Butterfly Wings” Simmons
Not that today’s announcement surprised me, but goddamn, it’s a hell of a buzzkill.
I do worry a bit about Ape’s future. Knowing that he was almost literally breaking his back between running KSK and his moving job, I hope he finds something stable. I have a few writer friends and–unless you gleefully wash the balls of those in power–it’s a tough living.
Oh, and does this goddamned place have an edit button?
Edit: To answer your question, all the penis.
YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT IT DOES
[slaps ICRM on the ass, hard]
I couldn’t officially join the new kommentariat without a ceremonial ass slap.
This is professional curiosity – not smart assery – do you have an edit button by your comment? It should be right next to the time posted. If not, I may have to start elevating people. People I like. This isn’t a democracy. I accept bribes in the form of whiskey.
I don’t see a button. I also can’t get my Time magazine avatar to show up either.
All this change is just too much to handle!
I checked your login and it looks fine – it may just take a couple of days to show up.
I have it in some threads, not others.
At least on my phone, I’m edit buttonless.
ELEVATE ME
You’re already an editor.
DON’T ELEVATE ME
Power only goes to my head, and then I form an elite cadre of shock troops and invade Hungary and…it just turns into a thing, y’know?
Hopefully only good whiskey, not any of that flavored whiskey selection that was promoted on KSK a while back.
Maybe that should have been a sign the KSKNOBYL was coming.
I don’t have one, but I get it write the first time.
Dam Strait, Hi Five
Count me among the KSK Refugees looking for new home. I usually don’t spend much time on the site in the off-season, so I while I was aware things weren’t the same (pretty much stopped clicking on anything not posted by Ape or Dave), I had no idea how badly they had deteriorated. I just want a place where I can watch and talk about football with the brilliantly funny perverts of the Komentariat. Let’s have fun.
Welcome! All perverts unite!
At least three of us left less than subtle references to DFO in our eulogies so if Ape doesn’t at least peek in it wasn’t for lack of trying.
This is indeed a bleak day but let’s face it we didn’t start hanging out here because KSK was even awesomer with MOAR UPROXX!!!
This has been coming for some time and it was increasingly obvious that it was going to be soon. I applaud Ape for walking away and for trying as long as he did. I hope he sticks his nose in here.
As for “what now” I’m just here to hang out. If there is any inclination to try to turn this into a successor to KSK, i.e., writing for profit, that’s a whole different discussion with myriad obligations, rules and all kinds of legal shit (what am I, a lawyer?) that would have to be hammered out.
Btw, fuck money. I need dick jokes, not money.
Agreed, I don’t want DFO to turn into a money thing with rules and business interests. Can’t we just have fun here?
In the coming utopia, dick jokes *will* be money.
You know what Uncle Joe says about Kapitalism. Straight to Gulag!
I agree 100%. That’s obviously a discussion for far in the future – we don’t get nearly the traffic we need for that yet. Also, I have been hiding our light under a bushel, but it may be time to actually start some (minor) marketing.
We’re going to see a spike in traffic here now, I suspect. What I DON’T want to happen though is that DTZM ends up spending a lot of his personal resources, and it become unmanageable. He’ll get burned out like Ape did.
DTZM, I have no idea how much time, money, or server space this actually takes to run this site.
Agreed. This should not become a chore. Also, I’m willing to contribute towards costs.
It’s pretty manageable. I host websites as my real job, so there is some overlap there. For the conceivable future, I’m more than happy just giving all of you drunken shitheads a place to scribble your monkey turds. I may own the URL and host the site, but I look at all of us as what makes this place work. Without the hard work of all of you folks, creating content like badasses, this would have fizzled out in a week. I’m not saying that I’ll ever be able to pay you , and I reserve the right to become stinking rich off of the sweat of your labors someday, but not before we have a real talk about who gets what. What I do hope is that you trust me to keep steering this terrible, fart-smelling, disease ridden ship of the damned and stick around, because I love you guys, and this is the most fun I’ve ever had hosting a website.
Awesome! Thanks!
“I reserve the right to become stinking rich off of the sweat of your labors someday”
/hoists American flag, salutes it, weeps
NSZ read that part and had some strange body twitches.
NSZ would have had those twitches anyway. It’s the shame of the pancake junkie.
Thank you for this. It has already been a revelation.
And now it’s a revolution!
For the record I’m totally OK with DTZM spending all his personal resources.
I have accumulated vast wealth based on my ability to stop time and the oil reservoir I discovered under Bayside.
Oh, well, sure…but really, how far can you go on $12.78 in cash, a pocket full of Thin Mints and a (well-used) VHS copy of Christy Canyon’s Greatest Hits: Volume II?
Far. VERY far!
I am firmly in the “no money, jokes/alcohol only please”. You heathens probably know it as the Carl Spackler effect. I mean, the Dalai Llama doesn’t lug his own clubs!
If we write for da monies, we eventually become what we hate (#UpForWhatever).
So is this the equivalent of Black Monday? I mean, no one will be jumping off of rooftops (I hope) but damn this is one sad day.
Wait, what?
/gets off of roof
//wonders what to do now, since that was the only plan for the day
FYI, a little birdy told me that the gang is pulling a Top Gear UK and taking the dick-jokery somewhere else… Stay tuned…
I NEED MORE INFO!
INTRIGUE
Amazon is starting a blog too?
For KSK: There’s gotta be a way to archive the klassics before UPROXX officially kills KSK. I had a lot of links stored, but nothing backed up. Archive.org pretty much has everything, well, archived, but that runs pretty slowly and doesn’t save everything. Back in the day I had thought about starting a Wikia to document kharacters and kommenter stuff (like Fek did with the Dikkake…dictionary…but more expanded). WE MUST NOT HAVE THE DICK JOKES LOST TO TIME, YOU GUYS.
But that takes effort. In the meantime, let’s just remember the good times and dick jokes.
For DOF: Let’s see where this thing goes. KSK was a goddamn Blogspot blog,,,ppl forget that IMO
I’m sure there’s someone here with coding experience and server space to write a simple code to flip and archive all the KSK content.
Anybody…?
Rikki does, but I think he’s in Mexico on vacation. Boy will he be surprised when he returns!!
He must have known it was coming and fled the country before all the hawt taeks would lead to our destruction.
/or he really is on vacation
And just like that I’m done with KSK.
I think we need to start doing KSK Radio from right here starting tonight.
I have no reason to go back.
Goddammit this is sadder than I thought it would be.
I hadn’t been going to KSK as regularly lately anyway. In some ways this is kind of a relief.
You have to admire Uproxx though, only took them a few months to completely implode KSK.
Stalin would have admired this level/pace of elimination efficiency.
Efficient!
The original purpose of this site was to give us someplace to write our immature dick/ball/boobie posts, free of editorial oversight and rules. (Except for porn, Martin. I don’t get why a nipple is worse than an exploded head either, but I’m trying to keep us at least nominally safe for work.) We can stay with that goal, and I’m happy to have a place where I can just randomly post my moronic thoughts, for as long as we want. That being said, let’s get Ape’s ass in here.
I’d just as soon rather not look for porn the way I wander the web for models and actors. Sexy Friday is still just an excuse for an open thread done in good fun. We can find our own masturbatory aids.
I’m fine with staying a hangout spot. The state of the game on and off the field, I’m surprised I still have any interest in football.
It’s up to us to carry the spirit of KSK on. We never envisioned replacing KSK and we, to be honest, don’t think we can. But we can carry on what we loved about KSK and what brought us together and created the Kommunity we love.
No worries. They’ve got Johnny Sugar still.
Let him slog through MMQB every week.
At least this means PK has one fewer readers.
Idk Sugar seems like the type who would find PK hilarious.
I love that Ape didn’t include Sugar among the writers he thanked. LOVED IT.
I want this played at my funeral.
I’d prefer they use this.
I want to make a version where it’s one long take of ‘Fuuuuuuu—’ and the ‘-ck’ comes in at the end, ten minutes later.
Yup, KSK is now officially dead as a doornail. 31 July 2015.
We need to get Ape over here, at least as a kommenter. I’m going to hit him up on Twitter.
In my komment on KSK, I told him that if he ever wanted to write a dick joke for funsies, DFO was at his disposal.
Has anyone reached out to Sarah about contributing here?
Great Idea we need some food porn here.. especially me since my girlfriend has us starting the Whole 30 thing…
You need to look back at some of Yeah Right’s Sunday Gravy posts…
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