Our calendars turn to November, and sleeping weather starts to kick in. Well, for those of us whose internal clocks allow such things. Enjoy your youth while you can, Commentist Party members under 35. It’s like a 2×4 to the face when you wake up and it’s fucking gone for good.

Nah, if I could do it all over again, I would just fuck things up spectacularly in some other way. On to teh footy!

I know I say this a lot, but Everton does feature in the key match of the day (10:00 EST, USA) against 6th place West Ham. The Hammers are coming off a tough loss, whilst the Toffees found themselves a bit with a cracking 6-2 shithousing of former bogey side Sunderland. Everton currently sit in 9th position on 16 points, and would rocket to 7th, and 1 point behind West Ham with a victory. There is quite the rugby scrum (thanks again to Sill for leading us ugly Amercians through the all blacks “no ofence” final last week) in the middle of the table, with teams 7-11 all on 16 or 17 points. Time to start shitting or get off the pot, boys!

3rd place Leicester can continue its incredible run (they also seemingly come from behind every single match) by beating 11th place, pesky Watford (10:00, Extra Time). By doing so, they would keep the heat on Arsenal, who have a tough game on Sunday, the weekend’s best fixture against 5th place Spurs (11:00, NBCSN). For us aforementioned old fucks who will be up early anyway, 1st place City will get to fuck around with last place Villa early Sunday (8:30, NBCSN). Leicester needs to win to avoid pressure from below, as 4th place Manure has a relatively easy Saturday matchup against 12th place (but I believe destined to fall) West Brom (10:00, NBCSN).

Now, one must be thinking (especially with the disturbing header pic), isn’t it abut damned time we had some signature matchups in the JV ranks? Yes, by Baby Jeebus, it is…

Notre Dame at Pitt (Noon, ABC)

The JV Stillers had one job last week, and fucking failed. Now, watch them do it again! With the release of the Condi Committee nonsense, it’s clear that unless Stanford (the team that got housed by Northwestern) beats these assholes, ND is going to the playoffs. SIGH. They’ve done a masterfully evil job of scheduling teams just good enough to make an impressive resume, but not good enough to actually beat the Irish.

Florida State at Clemson (3:30, ABC)

As predicted, the Tiggers scored at will on my wolven sort, and did not even come close to “pulling a Clemson.” They have always been up for the Seminoles in the past, and this time around, they have the vastly superior team. Would not be surprised if this is a complete rout. Start your Schadenboners here!

TCU at Oklahoma State (3:30, Fox)

Man, oh man. The first of the can’t miss games of the day, but certainly not the last. This will be in pointed contrast to the Southern flavoured CBS game to come – a bonanza of offense. Blood eyes vs. orange-paddled sugar daddies. Let your freak flags fly! The Big 12 and Pac 12 have been where it’s at this year in terms of entertaining JV NFL, and the Big 12 in particular knows how to build dramatic tension in its scheduling.

LSU at Alabama (8:00, CBS)

The schedule even does you a favor, in that you won’t feel compelled to use your remote. This is a good thing, as you want to drink in every play of this one. Every year, this game is so physical, intense, and flat-out strange, I get kind of entranced. That’s not to say it’s always good – but it’s certainly fairly unique. You also know the Mad Hatter is gonna have some weird shit cooked up for this one, because he just can’t fucking help himself.

Cal at Oregon (10:30, ESPN2)

The good EPL games don’t start until 11, so I highly recommend a tweaker/DVR game, and this is it. Two strange teams, both capable of offensive explosions, and a possible 5OT shootout. Set your DVRs to record at least 2 hours past the scheduled end time, trust me.