Your Sunday Afternoon Early Slate Open Thread

Oak @ Ten: After 7 weeks the Raiders were 4-3, had a dynamic, explosive offense and were forcing folks to modify their hot takes with respect to the team. Three consecutive losses have since occurred and the O has dried up somewhat. They should get back on the right path versus the Titans just like 8 other teams have. If the Titans lose again they can blame it on the rain. Apparently it’s coming down hard and will continue to do so thru gametime. Some Titan fan sites have already called it a year and have focused their attentions on the coaching search. The general consensus is that Hue Jackson will be piling up the losses next year.

Buf @ KC: Tyrod is 3-1 on the road and if he is able to pull off the voodoo that he do in KC the Bills playoff chances rise from 36% to 65%. Of the Bills D-line only Hughes is completely healthy and ready to go today. Has HC Reid figurated things out? The Chiefs remind me of St. Joan of Arc-they’re on fire. They’ve won 4 in a row by a combined 91 points. QB Spaghetti Arm hasn’t thrown a pick in 7 games and the team has no TO’s at all in the last 4. Add in 12 takeaways during the same time and you’ve got a victory stew going.

TB @ Ind: Here’s another matchup of 5-5 teams but they appear to be ships passing in the night that aren’t having sex with each other but are headed in different directions. Tampa is 3-2 with one of the losses being a 1 pointer to the Slurs. QB Winston  has gone bananas since wk 6-his QBR trails only Brees and Palmer in that time period. The Bucs have forced a TO in 17 straight tilts and the Colts have an NFL-leading 22 of them things. Old man Gore looks to become the Colts first 1,000 yarder since Addai did it way back in 2007. That’s quite a long time to go without an effective run game. (not that I’m saying that these Colts have an effective run game, mind you)

NYG @ Was: This heavyweight tussle puts all the other games this week to shame. It’s the highlight of the 1pm slate. Why? Because you won’t stop masturbating no matter how much I implore, that’s why. The Giants need this game to create a two game buffer between themselves and the Slurs which would then mean that the latter would almost have to win out to win the division. This is not unrealistic ’cause they’ve got the Boys twice and the “Let’s give up on the Season” Iggles. RB Morris and his 404 rush yards looks down condescendingly at Giants RB Jennings and his paltry 403 yards. Giants fans the world over yell in unison, “Give the ball to Darkwa, you old fart!”.

NO @ Hou: The Saints are 4-6 but they feel like a 2-8 disaster. Now that Rob Ryan is coked up full time the Saints D will turn around, right? New DC Allen had a whole two weeks to fix a fundamentally flawed unit that no doubt will have no answer to the question, “DeAndre Hopkins?”. The Texans have cobbled together 4 wins in their last 5 outings and will end up the winners of the AFC South because the universe is meaningless.

Min @ Atl: Minny is another team that has pulled out 4 of the last 5. GB’s loss on Thursday allows them to gain a game in the fairly tight NFC North. First things first though-can CB Xavier Rhodes handle the force of nature that is WR Jones? RB Freeman can’t go so Coleman will man the backfield. Early in the season it looked as though he was going to surpass Freeman but then got injured and Freeman went nuts. He’s a speedy back that will look to break a long one.

StL @ Cin: QB Keenum opted to be concussed rather than be a part of the on-going disaster that is the Rams O (Gurley being the exception). QB Foles, who the Rams have completely given up on, is back to provide baffling decision-making, timely interceptions and barely discernable leadership. WR Bailey is doubtful. Meanwhile, Cincy’s O just keeps rolling along. Their only two losses were by a combined 7 points. WR Green has a chance to go over 1,000 yds. for the fifth straight time since entering the league. The record belongs to Moss at 6. DE’s Dunlap and Atkins have made plans to have an extended light lunch in the Rams backfield today. They’ve invited other team mates to drop in and say “hello” as well.

SD @ Jax: You could sum up the entire Chargers season using only 2 letters. It would go something like this-W, L, L, W, L, L, L, L, L, L. Remember Jimmy Smith? Back in ’05 he was the last Jax WR to grab 1,000 yds. Ten years later Robinson is poised to do the same. What’s more, Hurns looks to join him in a few weeks time. I never thought that Bortles would be this kind of enabler.

Mia @ NYJ: Revis is out with a head oucher so the Fins QB should have an easy time of it. NOT SO FAST. This is Lauren Tannehill’s husband you’re talking about. Actually OC Lazor loves abandoning RB’s Miller and Ajayi at the drop of a helmet and putting the teams fortunes in the hands of a mediocre QB and a drop-friendly WR corps. That’s quality thinkering. Just a few weeks ago the Jets were a stalwart club that ran the ball down your throat until you gagged, gave you more D than you could possibly handle and left its fans wanting more. Now they’re yet another team that has lost 4 of the last 5-two of which were to sub .500 squads. Something always goes wrong for the Jets-it just took a bit longer this year.

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jjfozz
Member

Oh tomorrow, you will bring loads of insufferable Skins fans who are the world’s worst bandwagoners, and who know as much about football as donald trump knows about being humble.

Fuck work.

Romonobyl
Member

Winning the NFC East is the equivalent of a participation trophy in the Special Olympics.

Doktor Zymm
Member

I was prepared for this outcome, BUT NOT FOR THE CONSEQUENCES OF THIS OUTCOME.

DAMN FUCK SHIT.

entropy
Member

The law of unintended consequences.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Easy does it, Trev.

You keep using language like that and you’re going to activate the content filters on your parents’ Wifi.

entropy
Member

Damn, that was funny.

entropy
Member

I have to go see a friend who’s dad died on Tuesday, and I have two shots of Jameson left before I go there.

Someone join me in this.

Romonobyl
Member

Shouldn’t you pour one out? I hate funerals, I don’t even want to go to mine.

entropy
Member

His father would not appreciate the waste of alcohol. Also, not gangsters.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Oof, that sucks. I’ll drink with ya.

entropy
Member

OK. Parting Glass playing, shots poured, Here’s to Mr P. Slainte.

Romonobyl
Member

Good luck, hope your friend pulls through okay.

American Pie Story
Member
American Pie Story

Woooooooo everyone pegged the Humps to lose today but hahahahahahah

blackroseMD1
Member
blackroseMD1

This Bolts/Jax game is getting derptastic here at the end.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Gritty scrappy face, shit shit, shit. SHIT.

Romonobyl
Member

I’d normally be happy with a Giants loss, but the rest of the season is just garbage time for me.

/sad trombone sound

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

I wish I could just call it a season, but unfortunately I know it will be back up and down 3 times before an eventual heartbreaking end to the season for the Giants.

Romonobyl
Member

They did beat the Pats for a Super Bowl after being 8-8, never forget!

Doktor Zymm
Member

INCOMPLETE ASSHOLES.

BTW, That was actually a pretty cool attempt.

Also.

SHIT WE SHOULD NOT BE #1

John Difool
Member
John Difool

At this point, being #1 in the NFC East is being the first loser.

Doktor Zymm
Member

I’m on record saying I don’t want the Skins to win the NFC East. Love the win, hate the lead.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

You stupid Dolphins.

Romonobyl
Member

That was the most Giants-y ending possible.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

At least it didn’t end with broken ribs or shoulders.

Romonobyl
Member

True…what a bunch of pansies!

The Maestro
Member

HAHAHAHA NICE LATERAL ELI

Doktor Zymm
Member

NO. YELLOW PANTS. NOT THE PATS.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Lolphins

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

Can the Giants break my heart twice in one game?

Romonobyl
Member

Try being a Cowboys fan, that can happen even when they win.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Wow. Today is a total clusterfuck so far.

entropy
Member

Zombo.com is on the Chefs?

Doktor Zymm
Member

Fret, fret, drink, fret.

Romonobyl
Member

Are garments being rended?

Doktor Zymm
Member

Only have two garments, I like them, I will take them off rather than rend them.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Friends, Romans, Countryman. There are less than 4 minutes left. My team is no good. We have made the first down, but I have no faith in the outcome. Let us all do a shot. Go DC, or, Go, tribulation for DC.

See? I’m inclusive!

FUCK DALLAS.

entropy
Member

DONE!

Doktor Zymm
Member

I like you, and I like your attitude.

entropy
Member

I once got arrested for starting a fight in an after-hours place that had some off-duty cops working the door. One of them asked me, “Why would you do that, knowing we were there?”

I said, “I like to think of myself as a ‘why NOT?’ king of person, officer.”

Romonobyl
Member

Well, it appears that you did come to at least ONE conclusion…

Doktor Zymm
Member

Would you expect anything less?

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Sheli is Al Czervik.

entropy
Member

This can’t be right. the Bills/Chefs game looks like someone left the huge-ass flag on the field.

Romonobyl
Member

Left over from the last time Brady was sacked.

hippofant
Member
hippofant

Carr does not look like he knows where he is right now.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

fuck you seth roberts

Romonobyl
Member
entropy
Member

WTF? We cut to Buffalo from the Jets game, and somehow we still have an SAP broadcast from the Jets game. Nicely done, CBS.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Fuck you Jameis.

My fantasy and prognostication week lies in shambles.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm
Member

Pessimism, proving true.

HOW THE HELL DO THE GIANTS GET THESE DUDES WHO CAN CATCH THE SHIT ELI THROWS?!

Odell. Very talented.

Romonobyl
Member

Sticky fingers.

entropy
Member

Oh shit Da Onyx is HERE?!

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I love the large number of Giants fans at Skins stadium…if only it further shows (along with Snyder continually removing seats) that their sellout streak is a fucking joke.

I mean the fucking Skins have won all their games at home…they are playing for the division…and the Giants own the field seating. Its HILARIOUS!

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Everything about them is horrible.

Doktor Zymm
Member

They claim a sellout streak? I hadn’t heard that, wouldn’t have believed it. Other stuff, too drunk to type.

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