Your Early Game Slate Open Thread

Eleven freaking games now and only two at the late afternoon spot? [sighs]

Buf @ Phi: The Bills have played five games this year in which they’ve not turned the ball over. Guess what their record is in those games? If you said 5-0 I’d have to ask you why you’re talking to yourself. But anyway-QB Taylor has done his part and taken great care of the ball, throwing only 4 intercepts and fumbling but once. Can you believe that he was in a QB competition with EJ Manuel? Can you believe that Coach Ryan gave the starting job to the more competent QB? The word ’round philly is that RB Murray will be 4th on the old depth chart today, behind some guy by the name of Barner (who?). He just doesn’t look good does he? The Chipper stunned the Pats and the Eagles fan base last week. The calls for his head are now at low-grumble levels.

SF @ Cle: MANZIEL! GABBERT! That’s about it for this game-moving on…

Det @ StL: Last week the Lions three game win streak was rudely interrupted by a cold, unfeeling universe. St. Louis-in the midst of a five-game skid-knows all about that. HC Fisher was generous enough to let OC Frank Cignetti (who?) take the fall for the unrelenting lousiness of QB’s Keenum and Foles. It was…time to move in another direction Fisher said, completely oblivious to his own career circling the drain.

NO @ TB: The Saints can score with the best of them but they’re getting scored on at an historic rate. CB Browner and company have given up 35..THIRTY-FIVE TD’s through the air this year. Opposing teams QBR rating is 347.6! I didn’t actually look that up but that number sure feels right. Speaking of made-up advanced statistics, the Bucs are sporting a lugubrious -2.7 BTAR (Banana Temperatures Above Replacement) which makes it crystal clear why they are 3-1 in their last 4.

Ten @ NYJ: The Jets are looking to solidify their gelatinous wild card chances against the Titans. The Titans last two wins have been high-scoring squeakers versus the Eagles and Jags. Which QB gets sacked the least in the NFL percentage-wise? If you answered “Haaaaavaaaad” you’d be lucky, right and just plain silly. Look for Fitz to be passing a bit more than usual because Tennessee gives up just over 8 yards per pass play. WR’s DECKER AND MARSHAL SHALL FEAST!

Pit @ Cin: “Gentlemen, start your Steelers…and Bengals!” We may be looking at a high-scoring affair here. Over the last 4 games each of these teams have scored 30 or more 7 out of 8 times. With a win the Steelers chances of getting a Bowl game increase to 77%. Everybody yaks about the Cincy O but the Ben better beware of DE’s Dunlap and Atkins. This duo is the only one in the league that has 8 or more sacks. As well, S Reggie Nelson leads all players with 7 intercepts.

Ind @ Jax: The Pats are given crap about the patsies in their division but what about the Colts? They’ve won 16 in a row in their division which is a record. For now they hold the tie-breaker with the surging Texans (who?) against whom they’ll play in Wk. 15. Gore should have himself a day what with LB Posluszny out and his replacement Jordan Tripp making his very first start. Bortles’ improvement means that the Jags can now compete in shootouts which comes in handy because the D gives away points like candy at Halloween.

SD @ KC: This tilt should be a foregone conclusion. In the last six games the Chiefs have the fifth-best O and the #1 D. Perhaps Rivers will go nuts but he’ll more than likely have an ugly, turnover-heavy day.

Was @ Chi: Against his better judgement RB Pierre Thomas signed with Washington recently. These are two 5-7 teams that don’t know what to do with themselves. The Slurs are winless on the road and Chicago has one lousy win at home. I’m guessing both teams wander aimlessly around the field all game long, a field goal near the end is missed, hands are shaken after the clock has run out and no one ever speaks of this again.

Atl @ Car: This was a fantastic game around wk. 5 or 6 of the season but for Atlanta the L’s have been coming fast and furious since then. Why? Perhaps it has something to do with leading the league in drives ending with a TO-16.5% of the time Ryan finds a defender with a throw or he and his cohorts fumble it away. I’m not sure if you’ve been made aware of this but the Panthers are undefeated at home! CB Norman recently said that WR Who-who-Julio “completes me”. Whaaa?

Sea @ Bal: What does ignoring new plaything TE Graham for most of the year (until he went on IR) get you? For QB Wilson, according to Pro Football Focus, the second-highest QB ranking of 98.98. Somebody has done a half-decent job for the Seahawks given the loss of Graham and Lynch and the late arrival of S Chancellor. Perhaps it’s time we gave that swaggering, gum-chewing ex-college coach a bit of credit.

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Redshirt

Bengals still have a pulse.

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WCS

HARFCEPTION

THE BEN NOT WANT TO LET TIGERMANS GET TOO LOSING THE BEN FEEL BAD FOR TIGERMANS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
bourb0nblues

HARFCEPTION/PUNT

Spur

Arm punt

Gratliff

So that Bills pick counted. NFL Officials: What is catch!?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

The sound of one hand clapping.

King Hippo

To think, I didn’t pick the SeaTruthers and Panthers in imaginary gambling because they seemed too obvious.

Somehow, I made it through college AND law school with this low-wattage brain.

John Difool

So you went to UFA too? Up for Anything University?

John Difool

[*Redacted] s defense gonna [*Redacted]

Redshirt

Bengals QBs have cost them 21 points and 1 franchise-ish quarterback.

entropy

Why does “Concussion” feel the need to use the tinnitis noise for its music? We all know concussions are bad, I don’t need a fucking headache to go with the knowledge.

Sharkbait

Full immersion?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Bortles Blowout?

King Hippo

American Pie Vodka Story?

American Pie Story

If only. Pass some to Hasselbeck, he needs it more

Recovery Whiskey

Charmdown #5.

Sharkbait

MOAR!

fleshwound_NPG
John Difool

THE ARISTOCRATS !

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Did I hear the gamebreak right, the Panthers lost Cam to injury because they were playing him up 6 scores?

ThePirateSloth

Russell Wilson: He’s so well spoken, I mean he speaks so well. I mean, he really speaks well, he is so well spoken.

entropy

Y’know, it’s rare that I can hear a dog whistle.

Recovery Whiskey

Sherman finally got a Pickle

Spur

McCarron is not bad for a backup QB. what do you guys think?

Redshirt

He’s Year 1-4 Andy Dalton: equal parts good plays equal parts WTF?!

Mother Puncher

Wouldn’t know. They’re offensive possessions seem to last shorter than my trips to the kitchen.

Spur

Demarco Murray is having a tough year

Bortleback

+1 piece of meat left on the bone

Bortleback

Does a penalty where Brandon Browner was the victim count as -1 for his outrageous total?

entropy

ALL FLAGS SERVE THE FLAG GOD.

So, according to scripture (i.e., something I read on a bathroom wall once), no. No it does not.

entropy

4th and 14, Jets get the ball back at the Titans 49 after a crushing sack on Mariota. Nice call, Mularkey!

Recovery Whiskey

Remember Matty Ice? Great QB?

Bortleback

Remember when the Chiefs sent the greatest player on their team go to the Falcons so he could get a ring? They must have fucking hated his guts, in retrospect

John Difool

Looks like Zymm may have to suit up and play in the [*Redacted] s secondary…… hope she’s not too drunk, not that anyone would be able to tell the difference.

Redshirt

WARNING: Watching Thursday Night Football this week without protective sunglass will be hazardous to your eye health.

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entropy

Jesus why would you DO that to us?!

Bortleback

Looks like he went swimming in a fondue pot

ThursdaySkyGoddess
ThePirateSloth

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bourb0nblues

A flaming pile of dogshit > Matt Ryan

entropy

3rd and an Astronomical Unit for Tennessee.

Spur

Damn Jacksonville is CRUSHING Indy right now.

King Hippo

Team of Destiny woke up a week too late.

Old School Zero

Now, Chargers, I’m not too surprised at that score… But Chiefs? Really?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

Bottom left looks like they’re late to a Klan meeting.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Get them some knitters?

entropy

Can someone tell me, definitively, if the pick play is illegal or not? Because the inconsistency in calling it is driving me mad.

Bortleback

If intentional then it’s holding/PI (depending on if the ball is in the air at the time), so the key issue is if it’s intentional. I’ve seen them run using a ref to rub/pick the DB instead of another receiver – Seattle did it to Revis in the redzone in the superbowl for a TD.

Mother Puncher

Did the president of Bengals University say something racist? Why is their football team refusing to play?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

BILLSDOWN!

WCS

WIP: CHIP KELLY IS RACIST

nomonkeyfun

“First time, long time. That’s the only good thing about him.”

Gratliff

Wow. Apparently, you can hold a pass rusher in a headlock on the ground for the entirety of a 12 second play

Redshirt

Another Bengals running to the Training Room. DRINK!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Remember when the Falcons tried to trick us into thinking they were good?

entropy

We were so young then. So innocent.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am more confused that a Ron Rivera team lead team can score

John Difool

I am 44 and 11 months now, I was only 44 and 10 months then…….. man,where does it all go?

entropy

[wistful sigh]

American Pie Story

Guh

ThursdaySkyGoddess

BortlesBortles

fleshwound_NPG

We are about to enter a world where Bortles and Cousins are division-winning QBs.

bourb0nblues
Sharkbait

Did we wander through The Scary Door?

ThePirateSloth

This might be THE Darkest Timeline.

Spur

Can’t wait to not watch Big Bang theory.

entropy

I am holding in all my enthusiasm for ignoring it.

fleshwound_NPG

…again

ThursdaySkyGoddess

GURLEYDOWN!

bourb0nblues

It was said before, but bears repeating… why is Newton still in this game?

entropy

That earlier injury scare was just not scary enough.

WCS

Riverboat Ron wants to get me all the fantasy points.

John Difool

Jay Gruden is a proud graduate of the Andy Reid School of Clock Management and Sandwich Making

Recovery Whiskey

So much for that Ravens keep all games close

ThePirateSloth

Welp, time for me to start drinking heavily because WHOOOOOOOOOO SEAHAWKS TOUCHDOWN

WCS

Antonio Brown really good at footed ball sport.

Sharkbait

MOAR WILSONDOWNS! KEEP THEM COMING!

JustStopDude

The Skins on the road…

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Just something always wrong…

entropy

“You feel that WIND?! Man, it’s impossible to stay on the road.”

–Driver.

WCS

Antonio Brown = good at footed ball sport

Bortleback

The bungles should really consider covering him

Romonobyl

So that carrot in front of Dallas refuses to go away.

entropy

No one wants that division.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van