Boxing Day is Here! EPL and More University Footy Exhibitions

For the uninitiated, the EPL always features a full slate of games on the day after Christmas, which the Brits call “Boxing Day.” This year, Boxing Day falls on a normal EPL Saturday, so everybody plays again on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday to give the fans the holiday deluge of games they are used to. English people are fucking weird. Everton plays a later game on Saturday, then turns around quickly for Stoke on Monday, so that lineup should be quite interesting indeed.

Good old Foxy Footy and Arsenal are running away and hiding from the pack at present. 5 of the last 6 sides in front at Christmas went on to win the League, just so you know. Leicester gets 9th place Liverpool (10:00, NBCSN) in the featured match of the early window. The Shite are the only team in the top half of the table with a negative goal differential, and hopefully Foxy Footy will add to that, and allow Everton to leapfrog their rivals with a draw (12:30 vs. Newcastle, NBCSN), since apparently a draw is the best fucking result the fucking Blues are fucking capable of anymore.

Arsenal square off against 12th place Southampton on big-boy NBC at 2:45, to finish Boxing Day. If Foxy Footy stumble, it could vault Wenger’s charges back into pole position. Should be a fun day.

Speaking of fun days, the JV exhibitions finally quit being dreadfully uninteresting…

St. Petersburg Bowl – Connecticut vs. Marshall (11:00, ESPN)

Wow, talk about cruel. Not only will it be brutally cold in the former USSR, the game will also be played at like 2 in the morning locally to accommodate the corporate paymasters at ESPN. Hopefully the vodka toasts from the welcome dinner won’t have worn off yet. Da, comrades?

Sun Bowl – Miami vs. Washington State (2:00, CBS)

Mike Leach’s new charges have been one of the more watchable late night/DVR sides I enjoyed from the past fall (despite the fashion risk uniforms), and I would expect them to shit all over a lousy “let’s just get this fucking season/trip to fucking El Paso over with” Hurricanes team.

Heart of Dallas Bowl – Washington vs. Southern Miss (2:20, ESPN)

I hope there’s an actual, still beating heart thrown on midfield at kickoff, like in that Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom video game I used to play at the 7-11 before junior high. I know fuck all about either of these teams.

Pinstripe Bowl – Indiana vs. Duke (3:30, ABC)

It’s awful cute how these schools think they really have football programs. NOTE to Duke – I’ve been to your goddamned stadium, you ain’t foolin’ this Hippo.

Independence Bowl – Tulsa vs. Virginia Tech (5:45, ESPN)

Won’t everyone please tune in to watch a 70-ish year old man receive a 210-ish minute blow job? It would be awfully funny if Tulsa won.

Tomsula Bum Fights Bowl – UCLA vs. Nebraska (9:15, ESPN)

FUCK YOU, I will NAWT list your goddamned corporate sponsor I don’t know what this inconcequential game used to be called. Silly match up between a reasonably good team that played its season finale for a berth in the Pac 12 title game, and a shitheap that is lucky to be 5-7 (I saw how that Sparty game ended). Ladies and gentlemen, D1-A FOOTBAW!!! BEST POST-SEASON IN THE WORLD, I TELLS YA!!!!