As last week was nuts, this Sunday offers climactic games of the in / out variety only for Jet and Steeler fans, and a couple of head to head matches for seeding. There will be no backdoor entrants: 11 of the 12 playoff slots are stuffed. And some teams are so flaccid they can’t even generate spoiler action on paper. I didn’t think it was physically possible, but Week 17 both sucks and blows.
That’s my take anyway. The offseason’s coming, but I want the Titans season to end ASAP. For the next Collective Bargaining Agreement negotiations, I hope the NFL puts mercy killings on the table.
Back to Week 17–ugh; if the games are stale, imagine the announcing. So, with apologies to Rikki-Tikki-Deadly’s awesome DFO Radio posts, here are your listening suggestions to enliven each game.
Titans @ Colts – The QBs for this game will be Zack Mettenberger AND Josh Freeman OR Ryan Lindley.
Patriots @ Dolphins
Jaguars @ Texans – The most demeaning Abbott & Costello routines.
NFC East Champion R*dsk*ns @ Cowboys – All year I ridiculed Washington and underestimated Kirk Cousins. But they spared us the dreaded NFC East Week 17 Flex and kinda got Chip Kelly fired. So to Zymm, Enrico, my friend Barry and Slurs fans everywhere: one hell of an album that came out of a failed project, Who’s Next–also a good postseason mantra.
Lions @ Bears – Doubtful Nonagenarians
Jets @ Bills – Plácido Domingo killing it in Verdi’s Othello (first CD). Once it’s over, the Santa Ana High School production of Guys and Dolls.
Buccaneers @ Panthers – Apropos of drop leaders Mike Evans and Ted Ginn, Jr., the hardest hands in music: Ray Barretto.
Saints @ Falcons – Loads of Henry Mancini, mascots’ best friend.
Eagles @ Giants – The Replacements
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wigclcg3stc
Steelers @ Browns – something haphazard
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTA9s5xH0X0
Ravens @ Bengals – Bengals kinda need it, may not have McCarron; the remains of the Ratbirds don’t quit.
Rams @ 49ers – Audio of a crab walking
Chargers @ Broncos – OK Charger fans who are not from San Diego nor ever lived around the area, I got one word for you: Reincarnation. And my guess is not many in Colorado will mind Armenian ska.
Raiders @ Chiefs – Huge bands that make very mediocre music, say, Motley Crue. They deserve zero umlauts.
Seahawks @ Cardinals – Even at their worst, both teams put on a hell of a show. Richie Ray & Bobby Cruz; even their Christian stuff is amazing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzLTFQE4vGE
Is that Chopin on the first solo? Yes.
Vikings @ Packers – Last SNF of 2015: take your hat off and bow.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzwBDeu2uBk
Finally, The End. Happy New Year!
Top image via usatoday.com and my cell phone
Whenever I read these posts, I’m reminded that I am lacking in musical knowledge. This year, I RESOLVE to improve that!
Or the backdoor entries. Yeah, I think maybe I’ll resolve to have more backdoor entries in 2016 instead.
I’ve come to know of several bands writing these posts, like Doubtful Nonagenarians. I also found out that 90 is the new 80 regarding brain power, which made me groan again http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2013-07-10/life-begins-at-90-as-nonagenarians-show-sharp-brainpower
I am pretty sure this series has been established as it own (awesome) thing – no need for the standard issue apology.
Your soundtrack for the Super Bowl was a great idea. Maybe we can all pitch in with non-Coldplay submissions.
See you on the other side.
God speed Lemmy.
Great stuff, son.
Hope the flu’s receding man. Happy New Year dude!
That crab has deceptive quickness, and lots of GRIT.
His lateral movement is off the charts.