Equis. Te. Erre. A.  Effe Eme. Baja California.  Mexico.

‘They better not fucking play Wall of Voodoo!’

Ronaldo was pissed. He didn’t want to be driving a shitty beat-up 1990’s Nissan Sentra down La Libre.  Always La Libre.  Why not the nice well-paved road that came with free roadside assistance?

To his relief, it wasn’t Wall of Voodoo.

He turned it up.

Why was he being summoned here?  Why Mexico?  The last time something like this happened, the Cowboys lost their playoff game.  Unfortunately, Ronaldo had no choice.

The kilometers passed by quickly

The little Nissan did what it could, but it was barely enough to keep up with traffic.  What the hell was that gibberish that he had been told about Jesus?

“When you find Jesus, pull over and have a beer”

How could anyone get a beer at a church?  Or is that some new Mexican church thing he didn’t know about?  This didn’t make any sense.  As he continued driving, Ronaldo felt more and more unease.  The damn directions were just that stupid sentence about Jesus, to make sure he drove a shitty car, and to make sure it had a full tank.  That was it.  Suddenly, it all made sense.

Ok then.

On the other side was Las Rocas.  It figured this would be the place.  That asshole was cryptic, but he knew the right places.  Since he was tired and didn’t want to drive that piece of shit Nissan anymore, he got a room, changed, and went down to the pool area.

Even in late afternoon, there were plenty of people out enjoying the winter sun.  The waitress came up to him and brought him a drink.

‘I’m sorry miss, I haven’t even ordered yet.’

She answered, ‘Compliments of that gentleman sitting over there.’

He turned around and looked.

‘What’s up, buuuuuuddy!’

‘Dammit, Sean!  Why’d you drag me all the way out here?’

‘Hold on, buddy.’  Sean turned to the waitress.  ‘Linda Susana, me puedes traer otras dos micheladas, por favor?  Y una mas para mi amiguito Ronaldito.  Gracias!   Tambien puedes decirle a Natalia y a Veronica que vengan?  Bueno, que regresen.  Despues vendran.’

The waitress gave him a wry dry smile and left.  She much preferred Roberto, but he didn’t come on this particular trip.  Maybe next year?

Ronaldo was surprised. ‘Sean, you speak spanish?’

‘Better than you, buddy!  Ok, so I’m sure you’re wondering why we asked you to come down here.’

‘Yes, the thought had crossed my mind.  You know I have a lot of work to do to get ready.’

‘Bullshit!  You don’t even know who you’re playing yet!  Listen, buddy, the reason you’re here is

‘Hola chicas!  Como estan?’

‘Sean!  I don’t have time for this!’

Sean was making out with Veronica while Natalia was rubbing his back.  Ronaldo was getting impatient.

‘Sean, do them on your own time!  Now, are you going to tell me what I’m here for?’

‘BLEERGH’

‘Huh?  What?’

‘BLEERGH’

‘Sean, you’re drunk. I have no idea what you are talking about.’

‘You are the second least penalized team in the NFC and the fourth-least penalized team remaining in the playoffs.  Do you know what that means?’

‘Yeah, that we’ve been doing a great job of reducing negative plays!  There is a reason we went 14-2, Sean!’

‘This is the playoffs, Ronaldito.  It’s a different game.  BLEERGH must be appeased!’

‘FUCK BLEERGH!  I don’t believe in that shit anyway!’

The naked MILF on top of the piano nearly fell down. The entire pool area fell silent.

Suddenly, the ground shook.  A door flew open and out of it appeared

‘Ronaldo, oyeme.  Yo soy BLEERGH.  Todos me obedecen y todos me quieren.  Vas a hacer lo que Sean dice.  Entendido?’

‘ALL HAIL BLEERGH!’