Dario Was Robbed! – Your Wednesday Night Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob
That's good hustle!
That’s good hustle!

I think we can all agree that the 2016 Westminster Kennel Club dog show is annual appointment television. [The Open Thread comments last night were delightful.] The German Short-haired Pointer won, partly (in my mind) by just not being the Shih Tzu, and was a handsome selection. But the real winner was Dario the Leonberger, who stole the crowd’s hearts while he tried to rip open the treat pocket of his handler. It probably gave Cam Newton flashbacks, and Michael Vick ideas.

Quick observations:

  • In what appears to be a media-69, SI is reporting Bill Simmons’ new site will be called “The Ringer”, in a shocking lack of both irony and knowledge of Johnny Knoxville movies. Over/under on Kirk Lazarus quotes appearing in the comments is 1.5 days.
  • Jerod Mayo apparently announced his impending retirement from the Patriots today, and somehow that makes the 49ers defence even worse. I look forward to Jim Nantz drooling over a 7th-round pick Belichick turns into the next Junior Seau.
  • For those who care, pitchers & catchers reported today for Spring Training. (Insert obligatory Aaron Rodgers “What?” joke here.)

The games:

NBA: last day of the All-Star break, or as George Karl calls it – “reprieve”.

College hoops has some nice games on the dial. The ones that stick out to me are:

  • #1 Villanova at Temple (7:00 EST) – over/under on Cosby references is 0.5; on batteries thrown is 8.5
  • Syracuse at #18 Louisville (7:00 EST) – must be a hooker convention in town
  • #23 Providence at #8 Xavier (7:00 EST) – hope the Pope gets the Deuce in Juarez
  • #20 Duke at #5 UNC (9:00 EST) – in one of the usual “the rest of America roots for meteor” games
  • Colorado at USC (11:00 EST) – the warm glass of milk you’ll need before bed

NHL: only three games scheduled: (translations here)

  • Les Alouettes Glace, with the worst record since December, trundle into the Kroenke Pepsi Center to take on the Ice Kroenkes Broncos. (8:00 EST)
  • the Ice Bears, looking like Cup favourites again (I just threw up a little typing that) look to extend their road winning streak against the Ice Giants. (8:00 EST)
  • in probably the least enjoyable of the three games tonight – but what else are you going to do, talk to your family? – the Ice Vikings, fresh off mauling the Ice Liouns on Monday, take on the Ice Stampeders in Calgary. (10:00 EST)

At this point, all 7 Canadian NHL teams are out of the playoff races. Good thing the MLS season starts March 6th, and the CFL season starts June 23rd.

Barring all that, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” is on at 10:00 EST, and hopefully one day it gets a rivebrog on BBM. It’s my first time doing this – I AWAIT YOUR SCORN!

 

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Kyle Orton in dog form

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SonOfSpam
Member

Doggy Manziel:

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SonOfSpam
Member

Jason Pierre Paw:

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That was well done; no peeing on the floor!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Ha…nicely played.

SonOfSpam
Member

Lookout it’s DogeJ Simpson!

http://i.imgur.com/xQuRZ.jpg

SonOfSpam
Member
theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Ouch.
I am going to hell for laughing at this….but then again I was on that heading already so no harm done.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Greg Hardy in dog form…
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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Cam Newton in dog form (PtDeux)…
(he is bad at teh fumbles recoveringz)
http://blogimg.goo.ne.jp/user_image/7b/12/e3a514673e5167036f0c80b7f0a688e1.gif

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Does nicotine gum work?

I don’t smoke cigarettes, I just want to know if it’s better or worse than coffee.

http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Bill-Murray-Groundhog-day-waking-up.gif

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

I find it meh for buzz. Tastes like shit. To me the smoke break is more about the break itself, the cigarette is a happy addition. And I have coffee too. A nonsmokers experience could differ greatly.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

What this guy said

Don T
Member

Smoking makes me alert, helps concentration, the throat burn is as enjoyable as having a stiff drink, and blowing smoke is just like being a fucking dragon man! And smokers pay a shitload in taxes, so there’s that also.
Yeah, tobacco companies are the worst. I shouldn’t smoke.

King Hippo
Member

I was/am a lucky bastard. ALWAYS been strung out on caffeine (if I don’t get some in my system by 11:30, I will start getting the most god-awful withdrawal headaches), and the one time I did blow…I REALLY fucking liked it. Fuck…the next morning, though. I did not handle “the blues” well at all.

But cigarettes never did fuckall for me. Probably smoked a total of 12 in my lifetime, to give me something to do with my hands at a club when I wasn’t 21 and I couldn’t get an illicit beverage for some reason.

King Hippo
Member

my non-imaginary buddy (I DO actually have a small handful) quit smoking after about 20 years, and the gum DOES work for him. He goes through a metric fuckton of it, still.

Of all the reasons, he quit because he was flying to Europe with his wife, and didn’t to go through the “murderous rage” phase (so long in smoke-free zones, then stuck running to a smokers’ station) and spoil the vacation.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

This iPhone privacy thing…
Why is it the first thing privacy advocates leap to is “My pictures, my pictures!” How many goddamn dickselfies do you have on there chumley? “No, no…my children, THE CHILDREN!” Oh. So the 20,000 pics you put up of your kids pudding party, day at the zoo, first trampoline orgy, etc. on facebook that you NO LONGER OWN, those are ok. But the ones on the phone, that’s too far. Again I ask…what kind of pics involving your kids do you have on there slappy?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Well, since people’s phones have become so intricately intertwined with their lives, it is (or at least should be, for rational people) less about pictures and more about everything else. Passwords, personal information (SSN, etc.), banking details, all that kind of stuff ends up your device. I fucking hate Apple, but I agree with their stance on this one. I think they’re also being disingenuous about it (if a backdoor is possible, they already have one), but ultimately when you buy a computing device it’s YOURS to do with what you will and if that includes encrypting everything on it then such is your right.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

Completely agree with all of that. I’m just saying they need a better go-to first response. Little creepy.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Heh heh…you said “backdoor is possible”.

King Hippo
Member

I guess YOUR kids must just not be that sexy ,, smgdh

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

I’m at zero and holding. I understand their view, but they way they leap to that so fast it makes you wonder. To paraphrase Bill Hicks, the more virulently you fight something, the bigger the skeleton in your closet.

King Hippo
Member

Bill Hicks might have been a lesser visionary than George Carlin, but still a goddamned visionary.

If one is worried about privacy, one probably wouldn’t be dicking about with Apple products on teh Facebook to begin with. Caveat emptor.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Cam Newton in dog form…
(his driving is questionable…sad I felt the need to explain this one proactively…probably time to quit)
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/032015/dog-runs-into-pole-during-agility-event.gif

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

One of a dog rolling over would have been better, I think. This could have been a Gus Frerotte one.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

The Boston Terr with the big red ball would’ve worked well for Cam, but sadly I had already used that one before the “in dog form” theme popped into the noggin.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I grew up during the Bulls dynasty and had the Learning to Fly video and all that other MJ stuff, but why the fuck am I supposed to give a shit about his birthday?

indieguy
Member
indieguy

so who’s in charge of spoofing the “who is Daniel Holtzclaw?” clusterfuck?

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Yep.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Donovan McNabb in dog form:

http://forgifs.com/gallery/d/198937-2/Dogs-humping-puke.gif

/not sure how the humping fits in but I will never tire of this gif.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Party ’til you puke, muddafukka’s!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Peyton Manning in dog form…
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Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

I’m willing to bet that Bill Simmons hasn’t read the bible much.

Among the wrathy parts there are actually a few bits of wisdom to be found here and there:

1 Corinthians 13:11 (KJV)
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Bill Simmons is clearly unfamiliar with 1 Cor 11:13.

I didn’t know what The Ringer or Kirk Lazarus were, so:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ringer_%282005_film%29

The plot of this movie in one image:

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Which, I might add, aired in 2004. The Ringer was released in 2005.

So Bill Simmons named his HBO thing after a 10-year-old Johnny Knoxville movie about faking a handicap to get into the Special Olympics. I’ll bet that’s not the only thing he calls The Ringer.

I mean, call it The Wringer (or WRringer, or wRinger). That’s sort of clever in a sports-newsy way. WEAH GONNA PUT YAH THRU THAH WRINGAH

Or The Ringerer. LIEK THAH RINGAH BUT MOAH

And there’s certainly no one being brought on who doesn’t know their their exact place in the hierarchy:

http://www.3ammagazine.com/3am/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/tumblr_mm3063Hk7L1r2j4dro1_500.jpg

All that for this.

Grantland 2: Stupidly Named Soft Reboot Boogaloo.

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/bml.gif

Best of luck with that, Billy.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Oh.

That was a joke.

Oh.

I’ll be over here…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Maybe the whole thing is just a tribute to noise that Wes Welker is constantly hearing in his head.

scotchnaut
Member

“Man, those Canuckians really know how to put together an open thread!”

-Anonymous Commenter

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

He gets mad props from me for not giving in to the “Battle of the Blues” mutual fellatio-fest.
Duke and Carolina (and ESPN of course) try to convince everyone how much they love this game. Even my GD mother asked me today who I thought would win tonight?

I don’t fucking care who wins Ma!!!! Moar Meatloaf!!!!! Fuck!!!!
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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member
theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Also….NOT a catch…
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scotchnaut
Member

This gif will never, ever, EVER fail to make me laugh.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Gotta admire his enthusiasm, even if not his technical presentation.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

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Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons
Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass
Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

I REALLY want to see the date on the receipt for that gun.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Receipt? No no, if you’re a white male you can walk into a gun store and they’ll just give it to you.

http://www.nbc.com/the-tonight-show/content/sites/nbcutsjf/files/styles/snl_320x180/public/images/2015/02/06/140207_2722804_white_like_me_anvver_3.jpg

King Hippo
Member

Eddie Murphy’s BEST WORK EVAR

King Hippo
Member

No worries, Jeb! We had already assumed you had a comically small penis before you went and confirmed it all over teh twitter.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Murrica, Baybee!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member
Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons
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