Some great games are on tap today. The action starts at 7:45 PM Pacific with the Adelaide Derby, or Showdown as they call it in Australia. A short time later(8:10 PM), Essendon will take on Melbourne at the MCG in what will be one of their best chances at a win this year. After those games finish, the Brisbane Lions host the North Melbourne Kangaroos. Game starts at 10:35 PM Pacific. The two late games are St. Kilda vs Western (1:25 AM start) and Fremantle vs Gold Coast (1:40 AM start).
To get you properly started, here are a couple of preview videos. The first is a gambling (!) preview directly from the AFL website.
http://www.afl.com.au/video/2016-03-31/ducks-tip-for-gaz-pies-a-good-thing
The second is a funny preview show hosted at a bar with REAL beer.
http://www.afl.com.au/fridayfrontbar
Seriously, the AFL is run SO much better than the NFL. No way in hell we see anything like those two videos here in the States. Enjoy the footy!
(Writer’s note: if anyone knows how to embed these videos, I would greatly appreciate some assistance! Thanks!)
http://www.maliburum.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/4-malibu-girls.jpg
I win again.
151 and still on the same page?!?
152! (maybe)
http://www.drinkupny.com/v/vspfiles/photos/S0050-2.jpg
http://revivalclermont.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Bacardi-2-.jpg
Christian Okoye: A Football Life was a good watch, man.
Before my time, but damn that’s an intimidating dude.
FINALLY.
http://pa1.narvii.com/5904/dba5dd9cccf3f50ce6ff5498c116cf79f410a4ec_hq.gif
The first match was fantastic.
Still foaming at the mouth from the Kota Ibushi cameo
Boys, I smell another round of DFO NEW PAGE ROULETTE!
135 comments and no new page yet?!?
Am I alone in thinking that Hayden Panetierre:
http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2016/news/160404/hayden-panettiere-c-1024.jpg
Is a major step down from Kate:
And Charlotte?
http://images.hngn.com/data/images/full/151818/charlotte-mckinney.png
I did have a celebrity crush on her at one point.
So whilst trying to get the hot sauce, I broke a bottle of Worcestershire sauce. Stuff stinks and looks like year-old diarrhea.
What’s your capsaicin tonight, Buddy?
Standard Frank’s Red Hot. I have an unfavorable view of people who whine if something is below 500,000 Scoville. Let me enjoy my little kick of spice, people.
Oh…
/Slowly backs away
But I like Frank’s, it’s a classic, tried and true.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/4ac9ebda0fa599233588fd03be128aff/tumblr_n1rqh6HgLW1r32wujo1_400.gif
//Marks Buddy as “Not going to read Senor’s hot sauce reviews when DTZM gives him permissions. And he starts getting off his ass and writing reviews of everything in his fridge.”
Well I do need advice for when I have my bi-yearly Hot Sauce Enema Extravaganza!
Wait, you also live in the city! You’re coming to the Hot Sauce Expo, it’s settled!
“When the recipe for worcestershire sauce was first mixed at the pharmacy of John Wheeley Lea and William Henry Perrins, the resulting product was so strong that it was considered inedible and the barrel was abandoned in the basement. Looking to make space in the storage area a few years later, the chemists decided to try it again, and discovered that the sauce had fermented and mellowed and was now palatable.”
This is the funniest thing that someone could write today.
What a photo of him with a Gerber baby visage.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!
INFINITE SUCK DOLPHIN IS INFINITE
http://the305.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/endless-dolphin.gif
If it pleases the court, they’re showing the Mythbusters Simpsons episode on the Science Channel.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v224/Bootaaay/1-5.gif
http://s3cf.recapguide.com/img/tv/117/5×7/The-Simpsons-Season-5-Episode-7-4-a1f6.jpg
what is hip and happening?
drunk online shopping apparently
What’s the worst that could happen?
[American Pie Story donates life savings to Cruz campaign]
[unironically buys Brady jersey]
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Oh, someone’s having a wild party at their place tonight!
It’s the new sensation sweeping the nation!
So, a little bit moar baout teh Star Wars…
So Anakin gets put thru the Space Cuisinart because Obi-Wan has “the high ground:”
http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/revenge-of-the-sith/pics/revenge-sith4.gif
[Groaning] is fucking right.
First of all, the line delivery. Obi-Wan says it like it’s some massive point of learning or contention during all of Anakin’s Jedi training that we never get to see for some reason. As if Anakin had perhaps been in a similar situation before and failed the test or something. It seems like we’re missing a scene here.
Second, and far moar impoartant, they’ve just been jumping up and down all over this volcano-slash-foundry thing like a couple of deranged Cirque De Soleil castoffs. Hanging from chains, jumping from platforms, riding lava surfboards–none of this would suggest for a moment that Anakin shouldn’t have been able to easily jump over Obi-Wan, high ground or not. Jedis can jump the fuck out of jumping. When you ask a Jedi to jump they say “How high?” and fucking mean it. Yet Anakin somehow can’t make a twenty-foot jump that would land him well over and behind Obi-Wan.
Finally, why can’t Anakin parry Obi-Wan’s lightsaber attacks while he’s in the air? Jedis do lightsaber shit while airborne all the time. Am I supposed to believe that they somehow don’t practice parrying lightsaber attacks while they’re flipping around off the walls of the Jedi Temple?
That George Lucas gets credit for anything more than “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away there was this WWII-in-space meets sword-and-sorcery thingy” is one of the greatest miscarriages of justice in the history of making shit up.
Is tonight’s DFO a repeat?
3-1 Red Wings.
So yes
The thing is, if you and I have light sabers and you have the “high ground” I’m pretty stoked because I can just cut off your feet and I’m not even in any danger whatsoever – you can’t even reach me. The best you can do is parry.
Mythbusters did this scene and the high ground had no effect in their lightsaber duels. Yes, Jamie and Adam had lightsaber duels.
Don’t forget that the high ground did exactly jack shit for Darth Maul.
Yep.
He just stood there and got sliced in half.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/2866904/darth-mauls-death-o.gif
All the twirly-whirly-jumpy shit from earlier in the film, and he just stood there and got sliced in half.
Fuck.
Also, what the fuck kind of sadist is Obi-Wan? He dismembers his best friend, watches him catch on fire and burn, picks up his friend’s lightsaber, and leaves him in agony.
Push him all the way in the lava, stab him in the face, choose any other act of mercy and put dude out of his misery, with the bonus of saving the galaxy at the same damn time.
Obi-Wan Kenobi has to be one of the worst “heroes” in the history of art.
He’s the “hero” in the worst thing in the history of art, so he’s got a strong case.
http://105.imagebam.com/download/iXyy9zKMPASnLj0g5lzpKA/46954/469534817/giphy.gif
http://113.imagebam.com/download/ex-7Er9cYGvEhj1cp3dpLQ/47534/475333233/1146015%20%281%29.jpg
Oh my god, why does NXT Takeover Dallas start at 10 pm!?http://38.media.tumblr.com/b9852f2c8e76d6b0949e774e4835727d/tumblr_n5spekFh0p1tt2jjyo2_250.gif
It’s on now, and it’s glorious!
Greetings from Hollywood
I love that brand.
Blood Bath 3000*
*released into theatres as The Hateful Eight
Sometimes you’re the treadmill, and sometimes you’re Tay.
http://static1.gamespot.com/uploads/scale_medium/597/5977566/2636741-0615048616-harri.gif
CURSE YOUR OILY HIDE
Or Harrison Morgan:
http://static1.gamespot.com/uploads/ignore_jpg_scale_medium/597/5977566/2636741-0615048616-harri.gif
Okay, so hunting for this gif led me back to TSTSNBN and I encountered this optimistic comment regarding the upcoming Dexter finale (from Joey Jo Jo Jr, no less!):
Man, every episode this season since the first three or so has felt like filler, with the occasional non-filler scene. The writers are just throwing shit at the wall like I’ve never seen. And the wall is covered with oil.
I have some optimism for the finale, though. They couldn’t possibly make this many dumb, bad, mostly-irrelevant-seeming episodes in a row without the motive of setting up something cool.
The wail of every Lost fan from season 3 onward.
t’s like when you went in to see AOTC.
You were like “George must be saving up for something big in this one! There’s just no way it could be any worse!”
And it was.
It was more worserer than you could have possibly imagined.
So to prevent outrage from fans who are closer to collecting Social Security than allowance, TFA was basically a remake of Star Wars.
God, J.J. Abrams sucks.
Only a six-game suspension for Duncan Keith.
The NFL would like to thank the NHL for continuing to play such a willing foil to their own shameless failure to act on brain injuries.
The suspension was only six games because the last time he intentionally swung his stick it was not “really” intentional. But it turns out that it really was. After the fact. When he did it again it was totally serious “that” time.
As for the next time? No one, including NHL head office, has a goddamn clue.
“Sheesh, talk about someone getting WAY too many second chances…”
– Lindsay Lohan
I’m guessing the party line is “One of those is a postseason game so it counts as this many regular season games”?
At this point who cares?
This asshole perpendicular to and facing me keeps coughing with his mouth open. When am I allowed to shove his iPhone and sporty little hat down his goddamn throat?
Hat first.
Take a moment to thank gob and sunny jeebus that none of your teams ever took up “Seven Nation Army.”
It could have happened. Think about it. It was just a matter of timing.
One of your teams could have been “those assholes that play ‘Seven Nation Army’ all the time.”
Fucking nightmare, right?
/please disregard if your first name is “jj” and your last name is “zz”
I apologize to the world for the Italian soccer team using it in 2006, which is what started this suckfest in motion, because is second on the list of “Things I hate in this world.”
Geese are and have always been first.
The Italian MNT has a great many things to apologize for.
Yup.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/1802049/zidane-headbutt-materazzi-o.gif
Red card for getting punked like a chump.
Did you catch the little bitch kicks Materazzi gives him on the way down?
Fuck that twerp.
No, but only because it was a flailing spasm by a flopping loser.
Flyera went from Bro Hymn to that fucking awful doop song the Union were using, and now they’re using some god awful dance techno horseshit I’m supposed to tolerate because it loops the Rocky Theme in the background. White Stripes sounding pretty good right now.
CALM DOWN GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF
The Jaguars have been playing Sweet Home Alabama for 20 years.
Roll tide
My son is so much smarter than I was at the same age-my stated goal when he was but a kidling was that he would be better/do better than me. He’s ahead of schedule. I kinda hate him for it.
#becarefulwhatyouwishfor
Just wait until he starts wanting to kill you and bang his mom!
Find him a girlfriend.
Is it time to kick it yet?
It’s ALWAYS time.
You all know who you are, Commentists who are going to watch this. And probably already have. Twice. Because it’s the only important thing to sometimes come out of April Fools Day.
http://www.homestarrunner.com/answer17.html
So…the numbers on the answering machine – are they the same ones in Predator?
http://www.formatmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Springfield_Isotopes_Homer.jpg
Based ball. Not this fun in real life.
The one time this wasn’t true about the Isotopes is when Manny Ramirez had to play a couple of games in Albuquerque before going back up to the MLB. It was a spectacle and as I recall he was magnanimous with the fans.
The black bun made your shit green!
WHAT WILL THE RED ONE DO TO YOUR COLON
http://images.techtimes.com/data/thumbs/full/225434/600/0/0/0/angriest-whopper.png
Both are NBD regularly available bun colors in Japan:
http://i.ndtvimg.com/i/2015-06/burger_625x350_71434626512.jpg
Trick question, it will never leave your colon.
The Broodwich – available for a limited time.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-c7ftrHbv8VI/UDeP0n0pvOI/AAAAAAAAK20/AHkCdOlNMec/s1600/ClipPagans.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/5abac3b405a1984f2810c671ab1ed48c/tumblr_nm4ms9NBo11tpri36o1_1280.png
http://114.imagebam.com/download/pG3dAIh_MbWgaxAoumkrLQ/47533/475329965/165598.jpg
Do you make these?
Yeah, I go to frinkiac.com and then save them to an image host because there’s code in the frinkiac URL that doesn’t show the text when you just CTRL+V the URL into a comment here.
They need to fix that.
Yeah, get on that WP and DTZM
As far as I know, frinkiac is a fan project, so it’s a dick move to leech off their bandwidth anyway. So this is definitely WordPress’s failing.
Yeah, someone should write a WordPress Frinkiac plugin.
Obscure pickup line #47 : Hey baby, are you a Popsicle stand? Cause I would sure like to blow you!
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/3518740/simpsons-april-fools-o.gif
It pains me it took this long for someone to post this.
I picked a damn good day to work at home. Teacher strike making all the traffic happen. This way I can be in favor of the teachers without having to also curse them under my breath!
Oreos–Another thing the Japanese have out-batshitted us on:
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–r_ekQvZQ–/180sqn1oph9akjpg.jpg
Are these large?
http://49.media.tumblr.com/5c3aca9cde5931d08337fc54a15a3a69/tumblr_o2w3b6olXe1qfr6udo2_500.gif
A legend in his own time.
Spring is finally here.
http://113.imagebam.com/download/79qdrR6TurCT9B2tIC8UeQ/47517/475167332/yB4G9IQ.jpg
Random lyrics related comment, I know someone named Juliet who has an older brother named Romeo, cause parents.
There parents named them after starcrossed lovers of a forbidden romance because of who the families was? Ironic.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/73453bde7c6f9dc2c24b2ae932c48922/tumblr_n35nbmu2fJ1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
This week in shirt.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/c04f50c9f145eb0c8df0b9666b82be4f/tumblr_nm1chqpaaH1te5gbvo1_500.jpg
http://45.media.tumblr.com/4726dacfe0bfe568a1acd8f809d2e133/tumblr_o0vr06RPVl1thej0ko2_500.gif
That’s actually pretty realistic. If I’m only wearing one article of clothing around the house, flannel shirt is a good bet.
So that works with viewing of football for sure.
Beautiful stitching on that sofa.
Last week, I thought I was making a joke about Gary Bettman expanding the NHL into unlikely places (Lima, Peru, Sao Paulo, Kinshasa, DRC), but sweet holy piss:
http://espn.go.com/blog/nhl/post/_/id/41149/nhl-preseason-games-in-mexico-city
This man must be stopped before he reachd Bond villian-like levels.
Freeze some swimming pools. Play hockey on them. If the ice breaks, WATER POLO!
http://49.media.tumblr.com/bbadb2b873046ac0d8616b2c971f9b5a/tumblr_neuj3w00aK1rq7z94o1_400.gif
Law and Order: SVU is doing an episode where a Grand Jury is done in a big fancy room with the Grand Jury in seats, a witness chair and the prosecutor standing grandstandingly asking question.
My experience with a Grand Jury was a small room with free coffee and snacks, one conference table table where the lawyer, witness and court report sits and the Grand Jurors are in chairs while the County Prosecutor casually answering questions while explaining everything:
Possession in the Third Degree: “Defendent did knowing…(153 words omitted).” “Simply put: he had drug in his pocket when he was pulled over for a traffic stop.”
Free snacks and coffee > fancy room and chairs.
If you’re gonna drag my ass to the courthouse at 08:00, they damn well should be free food.
The starkest difference between fiction and reality is a regular military courtroom:
http://img.timeinc.net/time/daily/2009/0911/360_military_court_1111.jpg
Versus the courtroom from A Few Good Men:
http://abnormaluse.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/few-good-men-end-title.jpg
That top photo is hella swanky compared to the courtrooms at Bigram.
There is zero chance my sleep schedule allows me to stay up for St. Kilda, also the sky here is a Shade of Gray that doesn’t imply improper bondage play, but rather shitty weather. Thus, I have put down a decent amount of alcohol on a mostly empty stomach (I also had popcorn, with real butter, garlic salt and Old Bay) and I expect I’ll be asleep by 8 CDT.
Work: Successfully accomplished.
Weekend Plans: None.
Cell Phone: Dead.
Cell Phone Charger: NOT connected to Cell Phone
Lets do this!
There were worse places to be that day than on this photoshoot.
http://www.fashiongonerogue.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/elle-macpherson-vintage-photos10-800×1107.jpg
They’re at the pool in their underwear? Is this the “I forgot to pack stuff” edition of Sports Illustrated?
It’s a little light on plot…
Raise your right hand. I swear…
My right hand’s kind of busy at the moment, Sill.
It’s the only thing in the world I do left-handed.
No idea why.
ME TOO!
Well, that and playing hockey.
Captain?
http://www.candidupskirts.org/street/candid_downblouse_2.jpg
http://36.media.tumblr.com/1eea602414cd838505b35d5b15839714/tumblr_o3t2opOudw1txglq3o1_1280.jpg
http://45.media.tumblr.com/dbd8b2477cc48d35cedd4195dc5c3946/tumblr_o0vvsuW5iT1thej0ko1_500.gif
Hi, Eva!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/2c33d2af5518a6a6ccc075c060babe6f/tumblr_o3e822JupX1u49wvgo1_1280.jpg
http://49.media.tumblr.com/64636beff4a7f1157370751a246a4cc5/tumblr_o0dcvagjk21thej0ko7_500.gif
http://49.media.tumblr.com/58a3aa1ca48780e4d4b9ac17d15c6e6b/tumblr_o0dcvagjk21thej0ko6_500.gif
http://41.media.tumblr.com/d7b9716b08c98107789ab25eeca2073e/tumblr_o2afo26oPX1rjtt9yo1_1280.jpg
http://49.media.tumblr.com/264e332ea2b8db9b42cf86af02410400/tumblr_o0ebk8pruv1ujgxp1o2_250.gif
http://36.media.tumblr.com/0a015f81ccde27a0155fbeef3db299c1/tumblr_o21ppiPqrK1unmtsfo1_1280.jpg
http://49.media.tumblr.com/8dde45e63a2b9247e88bd48cc7795321/tumblr_o092ca14kJ1qfr6udo1_500.gif
http://45.media.tumblr.com/5e323022b8076b3c921ed2396d52c15b/tumblr_o092ca14kJ1qfr6udo2_500.gif
Kristina Anapau is drastically underrated.
Sexy Friday is here!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/4ce1c768e12f51f275aae65c0d8cd088/tumblr_nww89wgeRs1tr6pz0o1_1280.jpg
http://49.media.tumblr.com/d1068fce9a869649027117c420566b69/tumblr_nvic6otzVz1thej0ko1_400.gif
http://49.media.tumblr.com/687f42e904d91c3a59f725aaa75b5c2a/tumblr_nvic6otzVz1thej0ko2_400.gif
http://45.media.tumblr.com/97baa0308568f2c9c7e6db7198a65df3/tumblr_nvic6otzVz1thej0ko5_500.gif
I’m gonna watch The Hateful Eight because my boy friend-son who is a friend-has come to like Tarantino joints.
You know who else likes Tarentino joints? Metatarsals, anyhow.
http://a3.files.xojane.com/image/upload/c_fill,cs_srgb,g_face,h_380,w_600/MTI5MDM3OTY0MTU1MDg4ODY2.png
Oh shit, I think it was the other way around.