Your Saturday Night Shut-In Post

Ah Saturday night!  John Travolta had a fever for it, because that was the night he could go out, shake his ass to Donna Summer and not have to worry about going to work at that stupid paint store the next day.  Also no one questioned his sexuality for focusing hours of attention on his hair, refusing to bang girls who threw themselves at him and wearing the kind of outfits that Vincent Vega wouldn’t have been caught dead coming out of bathroom in.  The good old days for John, before ‘Battleship Earth’.

Yep, Saturday’s the night to go out and howl at the moon, unless you’re Wofman Rob, in which case you’ve long forgotten what day it is, where you are, whether or not you have a middle name and how that dead hooker wound up in the back of the Prius.  For that matter, how did you get a Prius anyway?  If you’re Wolfman Rob you’re going to howl at the moon 24/7/365 and you’ll have no idea what any of those numbers means.

Not us though. Saturday we go OUT.  We play cards, we go to concerts, we eat at fine restaurants and worry about what fork to use, and then we go to craft breweries and make fun of Bud drinkers while paying $6.25 for a pint of Cherry Wheat Schlitzengruuber which tastes like ass but we’ll still smack our lips, spin our monocole and pronounce delicious, then never order again.

Unless you’re me, tonight.  In which case you’ve been left at home for the weekend while your wife attends a Billy Joel concert in NYC and then has to leave for Pennsylvania for her grandmother’s funeral service, which is timely considering she’s been dead the better part of four months but that’s another story and now you have two kids to monitor and a puppy that has a serious anxiety thing going on because I CAN’T FIND ONE OF MY HUMANS AND OHMYGOD WHERE DID SHE GO I LOST HER IT’S ALL MY FAULT AND THEY’RE GONNA SEND ME BACK TO THE WOODS AND hey is that the cat?

Nope, in that case you’ll be sitting on your ass, drinking beer and watching sports on TV while wondering what all the cool people do.  And then you’ll log in to DFO and find out because all the cool cats hang out here!  Join us won’t you?

Your sporting options for the evening, somewhat limited as lots of good stuff was already on TV:

The NBA play-offs start!  I don’t give two shits about the NBA but:

Boston-Atlanta @ 7:00 pm

Dallas-Oklahoma City @ 9:30 pm

The NHL play-offs continue!  Aw yeah, that’s the good stuff right there:

Flyers-Capitals @ 7:00 pm

Wild-Stars @ 8:00 pm

Sharks-Kings @10:30 pm

UFC Fight Night!  (seriously?)

I think it’s on one of the Fox channels.  Glover Teixiera fights Rashad Evans at probably around 10:00 pm EST or later, in a fight that would have been significant three years ago.  Otherwise chiefly notable for Manvel Gamburyan, who I once saw dislocate the fuck out of his shoulder while trying to take someone down.

Major League Baseball!  (dodges rotten fruit)

There’s a whole bunch of games but it looks like they’re all limited to local broadcasts so look it up yourself.  The Yanks already lost and look like they’d have trouble scoring in a Thai whorehouse so I’m not terribly optimistic about where this season’s going.

 

To the comments and the liquor cabinet!  Not necessarily in that order.

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Spur

Isiah Thomas Heat Check!

JustStopDude

Fucking Cox is going all digital.

So for some fucking reason that means I now have to get a Digital receiver for $10 a month.

um…I ALREADY GET FUCKING DIGITAL CHANNELS!!!

Spur

Dish Network – Hopper 3 is the shit.

Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

CTE; it’s not just for boxers and football players kids! You can enjoy it too!

JustStopDude

White people…getting CTE for free…

Gratliff

Douchebag with the water bottle is the star of the show here.

Unsurprised

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Spur
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spur
Gratliff

She’s never going to make it in WWE without learning to catch while selling the aerial attacks

Sill Bimmons

Just found a Korean wing place that delivers.

They also have Yoshinoya and Ramune.

http://49.media.tumblr.com/a710e440e03faeaa655b6487e5dde9fa/tumblr_n9uvzrT6dc1tthoumo2_r2_400.gif

Wakezilla

Steve Mason looking like a modern day Hardy Astrom with that weak ass goal.

That was like a glitch goal from NHL 94

Gratliff

Right after making that monster save too. Poor guy. If the Flyers don’t turn this around, that’s going to be what he’s remembered for in a series where he’s killing it and the offense has literally done nothing.

Unsurprised

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Sill Bimmons

/runs in
//screams “Fire!”
///found dead of stiletto heel wounds

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spur

Westbrook looking like a moron per usual

Unsurprised

In the spirit of the Xena pics, I was going to post Bridget Regan from Legend of the Seeker but got distracted by Paulina and then fell down a whole other tunnel and well,
http://41.media.tumblr.com/5a8389f63760edfbc47cae6d9fdc9441/tumblr_mt85lc2dEH1rvq1qco7_1280.jpg

Wakezilla

Good evening DFOers!

A) I have a horrible dilemma: I already got comfortable and had to force myself to go grab a beer, only to realize I freaking ran out. Do I do a dry night or do I Rothlisburger myself to go to the liquor store?

B) I love how little I took my own fantasy hockey advice. I said I liked Detroit and Dallas and yet I have neither players from those teams in my fantasy hockey pool. Great job, Wakezilla.

C) Yesterday when I parked the car at the airport to send my wife away to visit her crazy family, the machine gave me a green token to give the cashier once I left. It was light and small, so, naturally I lost it in my grey hoody at some point and had to pay more than I should have for 25 minutes of parking. Today when I went out in my leather jacket, I put my hand in my leather jacket and felt something. What did I feel? The green token from yesterday. Weirdest thing ever. Apparently I have insane magical powers. I. . . have no idea how to explain this one.

Senor Weaselo

An important item appears just after you need it.

Unsurprised

Big Ben Beer Before Breaking Bond of Social Contract

Spur
JustStopDude

Groin injury with the assist for Washington…

Gratliff

Oh dear jesus fuck no

Spur

Boston game plan: dribble for a sec, CHUCK UP A 3

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Aren’t steroids and odd fame great?!?

Gratliff

Surprisingly, the Rougeau brothers are still around.

Unsurprised

Rehosting is awesome (I found another source for this, but it’s in Russia, so … No)

http://116.imagebam.com/download/dQoBP5bPrvmSrDOZxB18Nw/47834/478338649/1408702293-c31ed07402e3813b8bbdb8c9392c1247.gif

Spur

DFO doing any NFL draftee bios? I always enjoyed those on KSK.

Wakezilla

That’d be a fun read

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Wakezilla

Laziness and a sheer lack of talent prevents me from doing something.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My laziness is greater than my sheer lack of talent, but neither has anything on my ability to procrastinate and rationalize.

Gratliff

Flyers carry the puck for 60 seconds while the ref has his hands up. Play stops when Flyers lose control of puck. Caps get a power play. Caps score. I am confused.

Senor Weaselo

Seems legit.

Gratliff

DC loves the shit out of some Becky Lynch

Wakezilla

Who doesn’t love Becks?

Gratliff

I appreciate Ovi’s tribute to “Throw Momma From the Train”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I thought it was more localized. 16″ of wet snow in the backyard. The dog is happy at least. The tomatoes went in early so they probably are not happy.

Good luck.

Sill Bimmons

Where is she going?

Odds are she can take the train there.

Senor Weaselo

Is Flyers-Caps really not on any network that I get? That’s some bullshit right there.

Gratliff

No CNBC? It’s also on the NBC sports stream

Senor Weaselo

Wait, it’s on CNBC? What the shit?

Gratliff

Playoff hockey is special this year

Wakezilla

Steam it on Sportsnet.ca

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Steam it!

Wakezilla

Fuck yes!

I loved Callisto back in the day. She was underrated, damnit

Gratliff

I will take blatant homerism over Joe Beninati’s voice any day of the week.

laserguru

I’m going WAY back with this.
This was the very first single (a 45!) that I ever owned.

Still a bad ass groove.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Girlfriend had a job interview up in Marina Del Rey. Supposedly it went well, and now I’m camped out at El Segundo Brewing with a pint.

laserguru

Get the fuck out!

You’re right down the street. I live at the other end of Main Street by the Airport.
Stop by and we can get crunk!

I’ll send you an email on the DFO Secret Lair thread.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
laserguru

Woo! Party time with Low Commander and Lady Commander!

Gratliff

I’ve been watching hockey for 25 years, and today is the first time I was ever aware that going in before the puck is okay if the puck’s on your stick.

Gratliff

A few months old, but a very distracting read.
http://www.vulture.com/2016/01/100-jokes-shaped-modern-comedy-c-v-r.html

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It would be interesting to trace those origins back. Very few things are new, just refined.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Any of the jokes I repeat have to be hundreds of years old…..

Senor Weaselo

Hooray, we suck again! Or at least can’t hit.

Not sarcastic hooray, smoothies for all!
http://media.fyre.co/MVsJlzBIRzqHFv8xGseO_Hank.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Soothies!

*with plenty of rum or vodka; extra nutritious.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

It’s also apparently taco night, according to Madre Weaselo! Tonight is much better than last night!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Taco joke…..[insert here].

...

I like few things about Deadspin nowadays, but if they continue to feature every single Cardinals loss in a post, I’ll start liking them a lot more.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

Either the Flyers come out swinging and knock Washington on its ass or they just start punching people in the face and give up on winning. Either way, just don’t let it be another 1-0, 2-0 event.

Senor Weaselo

¿Por qué no los dos?
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Licking my own ass…licking my own ass…licking my own ass….incoming boop…licking my own ass….
http://31.media.tumblr.com/f0f399bd4ca7296c5a4a9a51c93a9c59/tumblr_n4ozwh1OxD1ta83ebo5_400.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fuck You Kitty sees an opening, a vulnerability, the enemy concentrates on the butthole.

Spanky Datass
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and we thought some of the Japanese sex films were weird…..

Sill Bimmons

Horsefeathers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Boop

Redshirt

I would suggest he cease using his snapping turtle as a pleasure aid.

Redshirt

I don’t know much about basketball, but I see the score accurate reflects what happens when a 73-9 team faces a 41-41 team.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s so wrong.
/still laughing

theeWeeBabySeamus
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

AH! A booby trap!

Redshirt

Despite the Reds best efforts, they have held on to win the game.

The ending could have been kind of derpish ending with an interference call.

How to swing:
1. Keep eye on ball thrown by pitcher.
2. If hittable, swing at pitch.
3. If contact is made, run to first base.

The Cardinal batter-runner (after STL came back and got within one run) forgot the third step he learned in Little League, but the Cincy Catcher was able to catch the ball so the Home Plate Umpire didn’t have to piss of the fans.

Spur

Fuck your technical issues. I wanna watch basketball not Doug Collins

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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