“Well, what now SMRT guy?” A Slightly Late NHL Second Round Preview

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

On the heels of Anaheim coach Bruce Boudreau being fired on Friday morning, comes the draft-delayed second round preview of the Stanley Cup playoffs that I in no way amended after Friday night’s results. I went 6-8 with my opening round predictions, so let’s see if I can keep the toonies rolling here.

Only pussies bet loonies!

Now, most Canadians at this point have abandoned watching the playoffs in favour of thawing out the barbecue equipment in advance of the May 2-4 weekend.

The official macro of summer!

That’s expected. What’s surprising is that the NHL has tried to appeal to Canadians by having four series that, on paper look the equivalent of tan, taupe, beige and maple syrup. Our national flavours! So, let’s dig in.

Soon, you’ll be basking in riches!

Eastern Conference: (* – if necessary)

Pittsburgh vs. Washington (Th, Sat, M, W, Sat*, Tu*, Th*)

  • This series should be the best of the four, much like maple syrup is the best of the brown colour spectrum. High powered offence; semi-competent defence; and tacticians for coaches. The dividing factor is going to be in net. Braden Holtby for Washington is a known commodity. Pittsburgh is still waiting for Marc-Andre Fleury to stop seeing visions of Bonhomme every time he closes his eyes. If Murray and the other kid can’t keep up, it’s going to go Washington’s way pretty quickly. Washington in 6
FYI – tan

NY Islanders vs. Tampa Bay (W, Sat, Tu, F, Sun*, Tu*, Th*)

  • Well, now we enter the bland colour wheel. This is the series Gary Bettman is hoping goes his way. He’s already lost the Rangers, Blackhawks and Kings; at least the Isles can claim to be a New York market for TV purposes. If he loses them, there’ll be pretty much no East Coast interest outside of DC. That’ll do wonders for ad revenue and the salary cap next year. If Tampa were to get Stamkos back, they might’ve had a chance, but they don’t have enough lines, and Griess is having one of those playoff years NHL legends get written about. Islanders in 6

Western Conference:

FYI – taupe

St. Louis vs. Dallas (F, Sun, Tu, Th, Sat*, M*, W*)

  • This could be a good series, but could also be boring as hell. It all depends on which Dallas team shows up. If it’s the hurt, hit, and slow-down-the-game Stars, then prepare for a lot of 1-0 or 2-1 games. But if it’s the run & gun Stars, then it’s going to be fantastic, because that’s the only gear the Blues have. GOALS FOR EVERYONE! Deciding factor: Brian Elliot. The Moose is hot right now, and I think – like the Canucks in 2011 – once the Blues got the Hawks monkey off their back, they could be in for a magical run. Blues in 7
FYI – beige

Nashville vs. San Jose (F, Sun, Tu, Th, Sat*, M*, Th*)

  • I see no redeeming value in watching this series, other than the fact that I will be in Nashville in time for Game 6, so you bet your ass I’ll be looking for a ticket if it gets that far. But, it won’t, much to Covalent Blonde’s relief. Sharks in 5

 

At this point, Gary Bettman’s best hope for ratings is a Blues – Islanders or Blues – Capitals final. However, what would kill him would be Tampa – Nashville. Decisions, decisions…

Time to keep makin’ it rain!

Oh – the NHL Draft Lottery is Saturday night. All 7 Canadian teams are in it, looking to draft a Swiss kid from America – Auston Matthews – number 1. Toronto has a 20% chance of getting the first pick, which means they will probably won’t because God and Canada (outside the 416) hates the Leafs – that’s the only national sport we have left at this point.

 

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Don T

I almost bought this mop. That indifferent gaze is marketing gold.
http://www.imagebam.com/image/15bdb3480856954” target=”_blank”>http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/48086/15bdb3480856954.jpg" alt="imagebam.com"

Don T

It worked! Uh, kinda.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

One more from when I googled Baywatch to look up the IMDb page.

http://cdn1-www.comingsoon.net/assets/uploads/gallery/baywatch/baywatchphoto.jpg

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JerBear50
JerBear50

Is that Burn Notice/Fargo guy?

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Unsurprised

I don’t think so.

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JerBear50
JerBear50

This picture is making me want to take a tour of the Pyramids.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That was good.

JerBear50
JerBear50

I hope you brought enough for the rest of the class.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I brought it, but you’re going to have to pop it yourself.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Poor hustle sir.

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Unsurprised

DFO isn’t a charity.

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Living in Central East Virginia was great. I am genuinely glad I got spend some part of my life there.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Somehow it always surprises me when I remember that he was in the Dead for quite awhile.

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Roanoke can eat all the bloody piss.

Charlottesville was a wonderful revelation. Having the opportunity to work in Williamsburg, VA doubled down on how great Virginia can be.

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Unsurprised

I’m going to make popcorn.

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JerBear50
JerBear50

Love me some Seger. Karaoke assholes and bar bands have ruined Turn the Page for me, but everything else is tits. Oh, and Metallica’s shitty cover didn’t help.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hey guys!

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On the one hand, it’s slightly perturbing “dad rock” will be STP. On the other hand, kid will comprehend what good music is.

Senor Weaselo

Still mellowish
ELP – From the Beginning

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theeWeeBabySeamus

The Hives – Walk Idiot Walk

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bet yinz weren’t expecting this outta me. FWIW…neither was I.
Jackson 5 – The Love You Save

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Good one

theeWeeBabySeamus

Offspring – Stuff is Messed Up

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You are awesome.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gin Blossoms – Follow You Down