So in very happy news for Myles Jack, his green room slide ended very abruptly when he was taken by the Jacksonville Jaguars with the 36th pick of the NFL draft. It was probably reassuring to Jack to be taken by a up-and-coming franchise (this is not a joke, I actually think Jacksonville will be decent this year) that actually traded UP to get him. So while he won’t get that sweet, sweet first round money, at least he isn’t feeling quite so unwanted. I’ve got some thoughts on the Raiders draft upcoming in our AFC West roundtable (and we may be treated to a visit from our favorite silver and black aristocrats), but in short, I’m optimistic.
Last week’s Request Line theme was “isolation, isolation, exclusion, rejection, and unrequited love” and thanks to a very rich draft class and some tweaks to my code to catch songs that have been falling through the cracks (thanks a lot for changing the links in the rendered html but not in the source, WordPress!) we’re looking at probably our biggest playlist ever. I hope everyone enjoyed their direct injection of offseason NFL methadone, and I hope everyone has a terrific week!
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/I-Have-a-big-head-and-little-arms.gif
(Watches Woman Thou Art Loosed)
1. Kimberly Elise: Good at acting
2. I didn’t think it was possible, but I the TD Jakes are actually WORSE than the Tyler Perry movies.
http://www.nfl.com/draft/2016/tracker#dt-tabs:dt-by-team/dt-by-team-input:min
So for their offense, the Vikings drafted a WR & TE for their blocking and a raw WR & OT.
Bridgewater’s gonna die, but that defense is gonna be sweeeeeeet!
They picked up Andre Smith though. NSFW, or it is SFW but shouldn’t be
http://blogimages.thescore.com/nfl/files/2014/02/andre-smith-combine2.jpg
If I had a better tan….
Yeah, but still…. Matt Kalil.
https://twitter.com/Cianaf/status/675821544581562368
My mother could block better than that and she’s been dead for five years.
Chop Block bleergh?
Matt Kalil is the only player in the NFL who didn’t expect Freeney to do a spin move.
http://kfan.iheart.com/onair/vikings-blog-38526/matt-kalil-rated-as-worst-tackle-12786862/
http://vikingsterritory.com/2014/offtopic/2014-minnesota-vikings-matt-kalil-blasts-pro-football-focus-misses-the-plot
http://badspot.us/Tara-Long-4chan-Thread/1294815591080.gif
I gave up on my plan of music and read idiotic, sometimes contradictory multiple times while trying to make a single point Bears fan/media opinions for the last hour. I might hate Bears fans now
That’s okay, so does Jay Cutler.
Jay started to respond, but that sunbeam is too nice not move for another three-hour nap.
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/ga/1986/ga860609.gif
You know all those depressing country songs you sons a bitches are having to skip past?
YOU’RE WELCOME!!!!!
(technically I wasn’t responsible for all of ’em….just the worst ones)
http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/squaring-numbers-are-just-like-women.gif
Holy shit, Leicester is three minutes away from winning the whole bloody thing.
I’m sticking with my music distraction because otherwise I will go read more Bears draft reactions from fans
Tears for Fears – Everybody wants to rule the world
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST86JM1RPl0
So I have time to kill. Music from the last year your football team won the Superbowl(/if never, last really good team). I did a search for the top 100. It is mostly the Vice City soundtrack for the Bears
Hall and Oates – Out of Touch (1985)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_8KR-n2fBQ
Man, I really gotta stop reading the Raiders blog. Some genius today came up with the brilliant idea to “cut the long snapper and have someone else – like a blocking tight end or backup defensive end – do it!”
http://media.giphy.com/media/tG6cr5AGkTujC/giphy.gif
Bears fans: I can’t stand this team standing pat after failing year after year and sticking with old veterans like we have been doing for 15 years
/Pace releases a somewhat solid but not good old lineman while having both a 2nd round pick and multiple veteran replacements
Bears fans: WTF is Pace doing! he is setting us back 3 more years!
Bears draft 4 safties and cut oft injured semi productive passed prime Rolle
Bears Fans: WTF Man he a probowler!!
One is probably gonna be a corner, no matter what Mel Kiper says. That was one thing I definitely liked about the draft. I knew Rolle was gone
So now it’s T-minus three weeks until Blake Bortles blows out his knee. Thanks.
http://i284.photobucket.com/albums/ll36/Bigsteve87/Gifs/HeadTableSlam.gif
Apparently, THE DOUBLE J wanted Paxton Lynch as much as a whore in his flying fuck tube.
Yep, which makes the pick even better.
http://media.giphy.com/media/rvD8PbGoCT9WE/giphy.gif
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I had forgotten that that Paulina Rubio song existed in a non-drunk, non-karaoke version. My compliments to the picker.
http://big.assets.huffingtonpost.com/carheadsmash_0.gif
Who won the draft contest, ya sonsabitches?
Mel Kiper, for continuing to get paid to be a wrong headed blowhard
Apparently you have to pay and subscribe to the ESPN Insider to find out how wrong Mel’s Picks were this year.
I did…..
not.
Horatio did, 3 oz at a time.
*50mL.
I’m working on it. I was planning on awarding pinball-style points to people for wrong but funny answers — but it’s actually pretty tight at the top so I’m just gonna go by the book and then we’re all going to bitch about how the rules suck and we hate the guy who came up with them and how they are enforced.
So then it will feel like football season again!
I pre-DICK-ed that there would be no more first round trades, which there nearly always are. GEENIEous.