Before reading,  click play

OK,  I apologize.  You can pause it now before you go crazy.

Imagine living in a country where that music is played,  a weird-ass four-legged animal is commonplace

this little dude

is considered a nutritious meal

and the front-runner for the position of President

is the daughter of a previous president that is now sitting in jail due to crimes performed WHILE he was president. Oh,  and she’s of Japanese ancestry and the country is in South America.

Here,  have a coca leaf.

You’re going to need it.

Peru is a land of many contradictions.  It was home to one of the most advanced civilizations in the world, the Incas, who had peaked and were already in decline prior to the arrival of the Spaniards who finished them off.

It is also home to a national soccer team, nicknamed Los Incas, that has teased its fans with superb performances and the promise of greatness

only for that level to not be reached again. With Cubillas, Peru”s “golden generation” of the 70s attended three World Cups and won the 1975 Copa America.  They have not been to a World Cup since 1982 and have not won the Copa America since 1975.

I’m old enough to have seen those Peruvian teams of the 70s play.  I was a wee lil’ Balls then, but I loved watching them play.  I distinctly remember everyone admiring their style of play and wondering if a new soccer power was emerging.  Alas, it turned out to be a lucky fluke as the youth development wasn’t there and future generations have failed to reach those previous heights.

This year, Peru comes into the Copa mired in 8th place in South American World Cup Qualifying with only 4 points to their name out of a possible 18.  They are five behind the nearest teams, Paraguay and Brazil, and nine behind the leaders, Uruguay.  So, things are not looking good.  Let’s focus on something positive:

Peru is home to some of the world’s best surfers. The surfing culture is unparalleled in South America and rivals that of Australia and Hawaii.  This, to me, says something about the country and its people.  And it’s a good thing.

Here are Peru’s first round games:

JUNE 4

HAITI

VS

PERU

SEATTLE, WA

CenturyLink Field

7:30PM ET

JUNE 8

ECUADOR

VS

PERU

GLENDALE, AZ

University of Phoenix Stadium

10:00PM ET

JUNE 12

MATCH #20

BRAZIL

VS

PERU

FOXBOROUGH, MA

Gillette Stadium

8:30PM ET

Projected Copa America Centenario Performance:

I think it is safe to predict a win in the first game against the poor Haitians followed by two losses and plane trip back home.

Fun Fact that I did not know:

Cuy, the guinea pig, is considered “peasant” food by the Peruvian elites. The little dudes are raised for food, not pets and considered an important protein source for the populace.  In Los Angeles, if you know where to go and you know the right people, you could, until recently, order it at restaurants.  For that reason, the government placed strict restrictions on the sale of guinea pigs as pets.  Not only do you have to state that you will not sell or eat the little guys, you have to produce evidence that your guinea pig is still alive several months after purchase!  That is, of course, if you buy it at the pet store.  It’s amazing that there is a black market for everything.

If you’re ever in LA and you don’t have the money to go to Peru and you want to taste cuy, I may or may not know a guy…