I am very drunk. Lady Maestro is away and it’s currently 90 degrees in town here, which is extremely unusual for this part of the world. I’d been planning on seeing a baseball game tonight (the Cuban national team is playing our local AA squad) but I just can’t deal with frying myself to a crisp for several hours. So it’s been a driving range session this morning and then many beers instead for me inside with air-conditioning, mercifully. Forgive me for any typos I am about to make.

Let’s do a little roundup of tonight’s goings-on in the world of sports:

Copa America:

• Argentina v. Venezuela – 7 PM ET: Messi and the crew is currently ahead 1-0 as I write this.
• Mexico v. Chile – 10 PM ET: the other quarterfinal matchup – my money is on Mexico here, but then again, I haven’t paid attention to a lick of this tournament because Soccer Canada runs the remedial football education program of the world, apparently.

Beisbol:

• CWS vs. CLE – live
• PIT vs. CHC – 8:15 PM
• ATL vs. NYM – 8:15 PM
• DET vs. KC – 8:15 PM
• WSH vs. SD – 10:10 PM
• MIL vs. LAD – 10:10 PM

UFC

The other cool things happening in my city tonight is UFC Fight Night! It’s the first UFC event we’ve ever had here in town, and two Canadians highlight the card- Rory MacDonald takes on Stephen Thompson in a welterweight bout. Also has Donald Cerrone vs. Patrick Cote; Steve Bosse vs. Sean O’Connell; Olivier Aubin-Mercier vs. Thibault Gouti; and Valerie Letourneau vs. Joanne Calderwood. Starts at 10:30 on FS1!

Other Sports:

US Diving is having their final Olympic quals starting at 8 PM happening over on OLN.

NASCAR has the Speediatrics 200 from Iowa Speedway, starting 8:30 on FS1. Why the fuck do people watch NASCAR on TV again?

There’s probably other shit on, I dunno. I’m too busy with beers right now to bother. Pass the bottle opener.