A couple of months ago, I provided a very poorly written MLB preview. Don’t feel badly if you don’t remember it. I barely remember it either. In an almost totally unrelated matter, does anyone have a Santa Hat I can borrow this December?
Within the aforementioned preview, I proffered my very carefully thought out and well-researched predictions for the 2016 MLB season at large regarding playoffs and the post-season. I may also have talked some shit about some teams…maybe even yours. Don’t worry though, as I also talked the mostest shit about my own team. A fact that is now making me look pretty damned dumb.
So now, a little over two months into the season, it’s time to do my first round of penance. It’s time to check in, find out how stupid I really am, broadcast it to you folks, and take my medicine like the whiny little girl I am.
So here goes.
I AM STUPID (American League)
aka….HOUSTON and BALTIMORE!?!? da Fuq man?
Houston, my pick for the ’16 World Series Champs, got off to about the worst start imaginable. I mean it wasn’t ’88 Baltimore bad, but it was bad. They managed to carry the worst record in the majors into late May, and looked even worse doing it than they actually were. Which is actually impressive if you think about it.
The ‘Stros ARE showing signs of life now, and have even managed to move out of the AL West cellar past OAK and LAA. But looking up at TEX and their current 10 game deficit to the top spot, the ‘Stros are certainly not making me look very smart yet. (and also, Seattle you can stop it now too)
**Special shout out to Carlos Correa, my AL MVP pick. .257 Carlos…TWOFITTYSEBBEN!!!!!! Not to mention that your slgpct is off by .100 points from last year? GET IT TOGETHER MAN!!!!!
Et Tu, Cleveland? It’s about time you go ahead and remember you’re from Cleveland and implode already and let KC back on top (giggity)….don’t you think? Seriously, a nice 10 game skid from the Tribe and I can move the AL Central to the “Not Stupid” pile.
And while admittedly it is a mixed blessing for me personally, my prediction of my orange birds sucking hind tit all season has thus far not yet come to fruition. After a 7-0 start, the Orioles looked primed and ready for the tumble to the cellar, which I thought they were destined for (and still kinda do). Then they didn’t again.
They did drop out of the top spot momentarily a time or two, and I was sweating the series in Beantown no doubt. But, after taking 2 of 3 in Boston this week and reclaiming sole possession of first place in the AL East, I’m happy to report that thus far, my Orioles, as usual, are still making me look really really stupid…though usually it’s for other reasons related to alcohol and stadium jail.
But ultimately, I’ll gladly trade a few IQ points for a World Series trophy that isn’t 30+ years old.
The rest of the AL East is about what I expected, but this one goes on the I am stupid pile by default because I didn’t see this coming from my own team.
I AM SORTA NOT STUPID (National League)
Sadly, the Nats and Mets will go to the wire I think in the NL East. Nats have a bit of a cushion right now, but I really don’t expect them to pull away from NYM. Hope I’m wrong. Also kinda wish they could both lose out. MIA, PHI and ATL right where I expected. Sucks for them.
Cubs are doing exactly what I expected to the NL Central…and everyone else. Dammit. STL was doing what I expected, but Hippo hath jinxed them and they very well might be toast because of it. He was even offered a free couch to sleep on in St. Loo, but opted for finishing the job of parenting his kids instead. Selfish, right? Anyway, in spite of their recent efforts at resurgence, the Cards now have a bigger hill to climb back up than expected. It won’t be easy. PIT, MIL, CIN all as expected. (I refer you back to “sucks for them”).
Giants are showing signs of making LA their bitch. Though I did/do think they have the better team, I didn’t necessarily expect that. But also won’t be sad if it happens. The Rockies deserve a shout out if only for hovering around .500 longer than anyone thought possible. ARI and SD are right where they belong.
Don’t care so much about the actual baseball, eh? OK, maybe the rankings of EVERY MLB MASCOT will change your mind. But probably not.
Have to admit, this did make me laugh….
T- 30. Angels, Dodgers, Yankees
These three teams do not have official mascots because they are submerged in either self-regard or rank indolence. Since they can hardly be bothered, we made a mascot for them …
So draw your own conclusions on my levels of stupidity, both as far as baseball and in general. Everyone else does.
Feel free to tell me if you think I’m only a little stupid.
If you think I’m very stupid then keep it to yourself. I hear that enough already as it is.