Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love [in bed].
Washington Irving
Listen to Washington brag about finally losing his virginity.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
I am going to laugh my wing-wang off if once again the Raiders fire their coach midseason and then proceed to make the playoffs.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
My father is getting worse, yesterday he pushed my mother to get out of the house.
So now, my sisters have pulled their heads out of the ground and realized he needs better care.
Oh, really? It’s weird I’ve been saying this for a fucking year.
Here’s a conversation with my addle brained older sister:
Sister: “We can’t do this before the holidays! We should wait so we’re all together.”
Me: “I’m saying this as nicely as I can, ‘Fuck the holidays.’ Would you rather have him safe, or something really bad happening.”
Sister: “But, you know, the holidays.”
Me: “Did you not hear me say ‘fuck the holidays’?”
jjfozz
Who the fuck is Mr. Pickle in this context?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
We are all Mr. Pickle
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
I’m gonna explain this once since you’re new here/ speshul. Yesterdays Saints/Vikings game was a Right Brothers Derby, with Yeah Right rootytootin’ for the Norsemen, and DJ Taj, aka Mr. Pickle firmly on the Lord’s Heavenly Host squad. But there is no God, and the maurading pillagers won, making Mr. Pickle a sad gherkin indeed.
Gumbygirl
IMDB don’t get out there where you live? Because I’d have noped out of watching that show after I saw this, unless I was indebted to RTD for saving my life or something like that.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8962124/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0_tt_7_nm_1_q_Emily%2520in
(Great post, BTW)
BugEyedBoo
Rikki Tikki employed a subversive, and well planned, campaign over a length of time. He named dropped this abortion of a show until I looked it up out of curiosity. The rest is a horrible history.
jjfozz
To counterbalance all this hate, I’m letting you know that I’ve decided to marry my lady friend. Today, she sent me an unsolicited pic of her fresh-out-of-the-shower wet butt cheeks spread open showing me her gorgeous butthole.
This girl gets me. If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is.
ballsofsteelandfury
A game losing 12 men on the field penalty.
I guess the bills were tired of the vikings having all the bad luck
Brocky
new Bills special teams coach
Gatoraids
oops
Gatoraids
I was just dozing off but the sound of Hippo’s pill bottle cracking open after that botched PAT thundered down the valley and knocked the rest of the walnuts off our tree and onto our roof at once like a fucking artillery bombardment.
Fronkenshteen
THIS GAME I CALL IT CATHERINE THE GREAT BECAUSE IT’S GETTING A LOT OF BRONCO D
Doktor Zymm
Buffalo looks good!
This one here, not the team:
SonOfSpam
NAWT SHAGGY ENOUGH, 4/10 WOULD NAWT BANG
Doktor Zymm
My understanding is that Emily in Paris would, though.
Dunstan
Spotted today
Doktor Zymm
Whenever I feel like the universe hates me, I can always console myself by remembering I’m not a Bills fan
Doktor Zymm
Bills Fan here, born cursed. Father grew up in a superfund site known as the Love canal.
8
clint greasewood
I was born in Rochester, but escaped Bills fandom when I was 3 and my parents moved to the DC metro area. A little bit of a frying pan/fire situation, but at least Snyder was of shorter duration than whatever is wrong with the Bills
Doktor Zymm
“What I Did on My Monday”, by Fozz
I woke up and argued with my son and told him to get in the fucking car.
Came home, realized cables to my monitor were missing. Went berserk.
Got on the phone and had five meetings. None of which mattered.
Left home, met my mother and sister at a managed care facility. Listened to the pitch. Watched my mother and sister cry.
Walked my mother out to her car, watched her cry some more.
Drove home to answer an email and saw the dog had gotten into the garbage.
Drove to another fucking managed care facility. Mom stood hunched over and didn’t ask a single question.
Got in car, considered driving it into a school bus, figured I’d be too tasty a treat to survive in jail.
Picked up son.
Got home, finished up work, listened to my sons argue over an X Box controller.
This is how I spent my Monday. It sucked elephant balls.
jjfozz
The cat opening the bathroom door while I’m using the toilet (and the dog piling in after her) combined with the sound of the vacuum at 7:43 in the a.m. reminds me that I truly am home.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Don T
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kissing_Suzy_Kolber
Scroll to the bottom.
I don’t use the word “hero” very often, but whichever one of you magnificent, beautiful bastards did this deserves a Nobel Prize.
WCS
Alas poor Falco, we did not know him well.
ThePirateSloth
Well damn. KSK started in June 2006, that means I’ve been using TPS since then.
ThePirateSloth
They lasted 9 years. 2024 will be our ninth year.
Isn’t that crazy?
ballsofsteelandfury
Don’t look at me. I was only a newbie when the KSK Exodus occurred and I was lucky enough for someone to be lurking KSK to point me in the right direction. Which is weird, because this is the first time the party was actually at the place the cool kids told me it was at.
Redshirt
Mrs. Fozz is making meatballs. She is baking them. I reminded her that my grandmother fried them, and that is the ONLY way to make meatballs. “So go call your grandmother and tell her to fry your meatballs.”
I insinuated that because she is only half Italian that she doesn’t really know how to cook Italian food.
I was promptly kicked out of the kitchen, followed by the word “asshole.”
jjfozz
BeefReeferLives
Summer blueberry
The sun low in November
A beer of contrasts
I suck at drunk haiku
Doktor Zymm
6
No one is good at haiku. The best excuse you have is that you’re drunk when writing.
TheRevanchist
As long as I could pass a 16th century civil service exam, I wouldn’t want to end up with a shitty career if I get stranded in the past again
Doktor Zymm
AGAIN
ballsofsteelandfury
I am an old person and yes, it was better back then
Doktor Zymm
I believe that I ought to be able to use a product or service without being asked to review it. What am I, Leonard Maltin?
Dunstan
I have permanent survey fatigue at this point. If I take your survey it means you done fucked up bad
Doktor Zymm
Does anyone else only understand around 43% of what the weasel was talking about here?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
wipes away tear of pride
King Hippo
Yeah not great that I speak hippo more fluently than young person.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
This site is so goddamn old, I remember when Weaselo was single.
scotchnaut
https://www.cnn.com/2023/11/16/politics/read-santos-ethics-report/index.html
How dare they besmirch the good name of a Nobel Prize Laureate, a Super Bowl MVP and that thief on the cross on the right that Jesus Christ personally forgave!
Redshirt
A drag queen, an astronaut, and the inventor of the touchscreen walk into a bar. The bartender asks “What’ll it be, Congressman Santos?”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Can we take more time to laugh at the Argos?
Senor Weaselo
It’s all fun and games until you wake up to find a crunk Swag Kelly muttering to himself on your sofa.
King Hippo
A team from Toronto choking in the playoffs? Huh.
Dunstan
The Argonauts loss in the semi-finals:
What this means for the Maple Leafs
-Toronto Star headline
Horatio Cornblower
Presume I didn’t miss anything
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Kenny Pickett became the best starting quarterback in the division without playing.
WCS
Nothing important. Only my existential dread has finally materialized. I would be dead inside, but death is absence of pain. I am alive inside. I am pain inside.
Other than that, just your usual game.
Redshirt
I was going to save this for Sunday but I may as well is it now.
Redshirt
when you hear half the QBs in the afc north are dead and one might have lost his best target
fleshwound_NPG
the shit eating grin of a motherfucker about to moonwalk into the postseason outgained in all 17 games and having a QB named pick-it
fleshwound_NPG
“…and a drone is floating around the stadium…and heeere come the pretzels!”
SonOfSpam
Be better if it was turkeys.
litre_cola
God as my witness…
King Hippo
I’m really happy that writing “End Racism” on the end zone has worked so well.
ballsofsteelandfury
I just went to In-N-Out and when the guy repeated my order to me, I swear it sounded like he said, “anal-style” to which I enthusiastically said, “Yes!”
WELCOME TO THE WEEKEND!!
ballsofsteelandfury
That’s where they replace the thousand island with Astroglide.
SonOfSpam
Hippo went a perfect 5-for-5 in taking midday naps this week, and is unreasonably proud (and ashamed) of hisself.
King Hippo
Brocky
ATTRACTIVE FEMALE DOCTOR: …okay, so no allergies. Are you sexually active?
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Who’s asking?
ATTRACTIVE FEMALE DOCTOR: No, I meant…
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Ha ha, just kidding. [pulls piece of paper out of pocket, unfolds] I sure am. Want to see last month’s stats?
ATTRACTIVE FEMALE DOCTOR: I’m just going to call in a chaperone for this next part…
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Wifey is a Saint Update: She’s no lover of Xmas. (she once put up the tree on the 20th of December and took it down on the 26th) However, her best friend is doing chemo and is afraid she won’t make it to the 25th. Guess who is putting up the tree with her buddy as I type.
scotchnaut
Now that Balls will become an honest man, it’s time to look for engagement ideas for the Steel and Furys
Don T
whats up fuckers” like three hundred bourbonm san d million sbeers
i am goood
jjfozz
MrsSloth: Hey, can you make me a sammich for lunch and bring it to me at work? Is there halftime? Bring it then?
Me: Sadly, I can not. The NFL adopted a new rule removing halftimes from games that went into effect last week.
MS: Oh, well THAT’s stupid.
Me: Yea, outta my hands. Remember my buddy Jimmy? He’ll make you a sandwich AND bike it on over to you.
ThePirateSloth
Mr. Ayo
I will tell this joke Thursday night in fron tof my wife’s super christian family.
jjfozz
THIS LADY THE DR. MRS. DEADLY ESQ. (RET.) I CALL HER COACH ANDY REID BECAUSE SHE COMPLAINED THAT I DIDN’T MAKE ENOUGH MEATBALLS.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
But did you bake or fry those meatballs? I’m going to assume bake since you’re already on fozz’s shit list
Doktor Zymm
For the rest of the winter I can just roll out the back door and snort all the greenhouse gasses I want.
2Pack
Bills Scout: “Do you want to play for Buffalo, son?”
Prospect: “Would I? Of course!”
Bills Scout: “And are you willing to pay a premium for on-field ambulance rescue insurance?”
Prospect: “Yes, I sure… Wait. What?”
scotchnaut
Today is the Gumby’s 41st anniversary. We didn’t do anything, but we will in a week or so. This Thanksgiving has been throwing me off completely, it seems way too early.
Gumbygirl
Ha! The Browns signed Joe Flacco.
Aw, the Bengals could’ve signed Joe Flacco.
Wait a minute? What did I just say? And mean it?! What Hell is this?!
Redshirt
So last night I said some comforting words to my mother, but I can’t remember what I said caused I had been drinking.
I am a wonderful son.
jjfozz
Sand storm today:
Brick Meathook
Did you get to meet Darude?
Mr. Ayo
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
The bartender in the panorama lounge is named Yoga. He’s gonna be totally set if he ever moves to the US and has an affair with a svelte married lady.
“I’ll be home late tonight, honey. I’m doing Yoga.”
🤣😂
I hope his middle name is Matthew.
History review for today
No silly, that was Fast and Furious 906. Here’s the first one
Good thing the dinosaur look furious because Jesus sure doesn’t.
Jesus is giddy with bloodlust. He will SMITE some motherfuckers!
AIN’T GONNA BE NO THIRD COMING ASSHOLES!!!!
(Is Jesus not doing phrasing anym )
/Has head bitten off by enraged T-Rex
Nah, that was Fast and the Furious 7.
This is the first one.
how do we know that it was the first big bang?
Or the biggest bang?
Religious Answer: Bible only said God created the Heavens and the Earth once. Big Bang may be our comprehension of Creation.
Scientific Answer; Don’t know. Big Bang may have happened just once, or if you believe in the Big Crunch Theory, the end of the Universe may result in another Big Bang and the Universe may restart as simply a part of a cycle.
You mean the Futurama Theory?
Yeah, but I already thought of it before they did it. Just like Die Hard.
Two things:
First, I haven’t seen many high-minded puzzles around here lately.
Second, I’d like to suggest to the board a focus on winning three consecutive Weblog Awards for Best Sports Blog to match KSK’s performance.
That seems like it involves pants, so no.
maybe the puzzles are so high-minded that you missed them?
/i missed them too, if there were any
Like the Request Line ones? It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize they had puzzles, and even then I never solved them.
That’s a perfect example! I didn’t even know there were puzzles!
I mean you solved the puzzle of whether there were puzzles, that counts as one!
Thank you for enabling my stupidity!
I’d rather take a nap.
We need a plan. Perhaps more Marika. Definitely less pants.
We asked in for the ad-less category, and got laughed out of the subreddit. Awards are banal K!
Oh! No! Canada!
ESPN reports that the Steelers have parted ways with OC Matt Canada, which I’m sure will immediately result in the offensive line learning how to block and Kenny Pickett learning how to throw the ball forward.
Yeah, I’ve been playing sick the last few days. I’m not one to make excuses but, (unfurls 1,000 page novel labeled “EXCUSES”), but…
ESPN: “The Steelers have decided to move forward without Canda.”
Intergalactic Disgrace Gary Bettman: (using his prehensile tail to hang upside down in a closet): I just got the weirdest boner!
The Athletic did an anonymous players poll:
Most annoying fan base: Eagles, which I think is hilarious and understandable. I love Philly’s brand of passion, but I can see how rivals think it’s supremely grating. Maybe just beat them. A close runner-up: Cowboys. Perfect list.
Steelers didn’t make the top two? That’s surprising.
Maybe they just haven’t been good enough recently? Hasn’t stopped Cowboys fans though
Nothing stops us, Zymm. We’re like roaches that way. And probably many other ways as well.
I also suspect that they’re actually pretty friendly to visiting fans at Heinz
Steelers have a sports bar everywhere. In Rome, for fucksake!That’s not annoying, it’s awesome, and I will cut a bitch who disagrees. CUT A BITCH!!!
The terrible towel with the coliseum on it is pretty dope
I can only assume the Patriots didn’t make the list because most current NFL players entered the league after 99% of Pats fans decided they’re “more into the Celtics these days.”
PITCHAHS AHHND CATCHAHS IN THREE FACKING MONTHS
Sox finished last in the AL East this year. Boston fans don’t acknowledge baseball right now.
THA FAHCKIN’ B’S THOUGH, BRO!!!! THA FAHCKIN’S B’S AHH GONNA BRING LORD STANLEY’S FAHCKIN’S CUP HOME AGAIN!!!
/Bruins lose 5-4 in OT to Tampa
WE AH FAHCKIN’ CURSED AS A CITY!! NO ONE UNNASTAHNS OWAH PAIN!!!
It would make for an interesting post to type up player responses and see if the Commentists can successfully identify which players submitted them.
Everyone that says ‘Patriots’ was sent in by a Patriots player.
Just picked up the remaining Thanksgiving dinner items that were missing, corn on the cob and fresh cranberries. That means tomorrow I can chillax and watch the local Turkey Bowl here on post. A unit flag football championship that always gets out of hand. The boys fired up on the sidelines are just as entertaining as the action on the muddy field. Only thing missing is the smell of napalm.
Thanks for the roll up GTD.
in the morning
Is it bad that I’m looking forward to this post even more for next week after some booze fueled commentist family coping time?
while I hope so, I do try not to trigger people.
But for others, it may be a good way to see what they were up to
Here’s GTD full quote:
ugh. Just got context. Sorry GTD.
Stand by the quote 😉
I’m in Belize all this week without my family, whom I actually really like. Not fitting in never felt so good!
Kenny Pickett is now officially out of excuses.
#STILLERSGONTAHSUPERBOWL
Christmas in November!
“Hey, there’s no shame in succeeding just because all your best competitors happen, totally coincidentally, to die unnaturally young deaths”
-Cheerleader Mom
I’m pleasantly surprised they did something mid season. That shit never happens!
Definitely not the Steeler Way. But that Browns game was an abomination. Stuff I was reading was that Canada wasn’t prepared for the Browns staying in zone, and had only bought man-to-man plays to the game. Of course by this time Canada had done so poorly that people would believe any scurrilous (word of the day!) rumors that they heard. “He was on a three-day bender!” “He didn’t come up with any plays at all!” “He stole John Wick’s car, and killed his dog!”
Note: I am not taking up for Matt Canada. He needed to be fired a long time ago.
I think the biggest indictment and what probably broke the camel’s back was the play calling on the last Steelers drive of the game. How the fuck do you go 3 and out when the running game was starting to click and that should theoretically open up passing lanes?
That “drive” cost him his job.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.