Euro 2016 DFO Field Report: Part 3.5

ballsofsteelandfury -
570

The last two days without footy have been pretty shitty,  haven’t they?  HELL,  THE BRITISH ARE SO BORED THEY DECIDED TO LEAVE EUROPE!

I wonder how this will affect their qualification to the next Euro….

Well,  despair not for our man on the ground has been out there ON THE SCENE and has another sterling report for you.  Take it away,  Litre_cola.

[gview file=”https://www.doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Dispatch-3-UEFA-needs-your-money.pdf”]

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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ALXMAC

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herodotus450

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ALXMAC

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shouldn’t this be a John Travolta character?

http://66.media.tumblr.com/1b53eb77f60822d55ac5fdd26190264d/tumblr_o6j584y2St1qjqmkdo1_400.jpg

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe….nice.

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SonOfSpam

Our good friend Yeah Right is an awesome host and he hired a limo to make sure we all got home safely.

Also, his meat is delicious.

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ballsofsteelandfury

This is true!

Also, phrasing.

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SonOfSpam

What? I was talking about his cock.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8ck9v1p4o1qcok7go1_500.jpg

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Unsurprised

How about pie? Was there pie?

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SonOfSpam

Naw, his mom couldn’t make it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Unsurprised

I’m posting it anyway.

http://116.imagebam.com/download/W2aHwIuty0zWZP6sKSRHEw/48171/481704755/archerpie.jpg

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ballsofsteelandfury

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ALXMAC

Dr Heimlich saves choking woman with manoeuvre he invented:

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-36400365

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Fronkenshteen

Good on Coastal Carolina for making it to the final of the NCAA baseball tournament. The coach is like Jim Leyland. Grizzled old bastard who blubbers like Vermeil when he talks about “his boys”.
Beat Arizona.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit, I thought I was the only person in America watching the CWS.
And also, totally agreed on Go Coastal.

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JerBear50

They’ve hosted the Big East tourney at the minor league park I go to all the time in Clearwater, but I’ve never gotten into college ball. I might have to go check it out next time.

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ballsofsteelandfury

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’s lucky that was a vacuum; most likely not living in Kentucky.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s lucky it’s not Alabama.

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JerBear50

That’s Kentucky’s answer to Planned Parenthood.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But daddy needs a new sister.

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herodotus450

My Lera Lynn obsession has been mollified by Steve Harvey reactions. Next it will be on to methadone, then bears to eat the methadone, then the best part, I’ll freeze to death come winter!
http://i.giphy.com/TsNDbL2W3MBsQ.gif

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JustStopDude

http://i.imgur.com/FAHaxcx.jpg

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laserguru

I can’t decide if this is a bass song or a guitar song or a drum song.

I listen to the bass.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s just a great song with fantastic musicians.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzm6eb0ibo1r9nxd8o1_500.gif

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JustStopDude

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Sill Bimmons

Do you like fishsticks?

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Porky Prime

I miss that show.

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herodotus450

http://i.giphy.com/VZHbUFVR6pEf6.gif

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herodotus450

Remember that year and a half when 90% of the country went crazy and declared Megan Fox the hottest woman around? I hope not, which would make it all a bad dream.

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Porky Prime

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JustStopDude

http://i.giftrunk.com/kxpxta.gif

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laserguru

Many thanks, to Balls and Covalent and Rikki and Son of Spam and Low Commander and the rest,
Great gathering.

We have so much meat left!

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JerBear50

Bastards.

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ALXMAC

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ballsofsteelandfury

Thank you so much for hosting! I wish I could have stayed longer… Enjoy the rest of the delicious food!

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laserguru

so much delicious food.

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ballsofsteelandfury

And Don T’s rum!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, what did you steal from the house? Or did you LEAVE something? What was the condition of the toilet when you left?!?!?

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ballsofsteelandfury

I stole good memories. I left empanadas and rum. As for the toilet, I didn’t see it after Covalent visited…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I would have used the upstairs toilet too.

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herodotus450

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JerBear50

That reminds me, still gotta check out that new Alabama Shakes album.

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herodotus450

Is that Sona?
http://dailyxy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Sona-Movsesian.jpg

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JustStopDude

http://i.imgur.com/ektKm86.gif

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit, I ate way too much tonight. I even ate birthday cake. By and large, I really hate birthday cake, but my food hole wouldn’t seem to shut itself tonight.
Fuck, I need to go purge
So uncomfortable.
http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/gif-movie-tv-vegan-868864.gif

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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JerBear50

That’s fucking fantastic.

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Gratliff

Almost as good as the Ken version. This is easily my favorite meme.

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King Hippo

The old two-finger diet!!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t even want to think about how many calories I just consumed in the past few hours. I just know it feels like my alien is now mature enough to be viable and ready to burst forth and explode out of my bloated body.
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Senor Weaselo

Will it feel good?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=welqyAKtmeE

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Porky Prime

Oh God. This was posted by a lady I work with on Facebook: “Every person in the whole world need to watch the the Fox News Channel!!! 360 on direct tv. They tell you like it is and do not lie to you. They tell everything that other channels don’t want you to hear.”

FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU–

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JerBear50

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JerBear50

Or Brexit if you prefer.

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King Hippo

Seattle’s el beisbol stadium looks really fucking nice. Too bad they only play el beisbol there, and worse, teh Mariners.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SERENITY NOOOOOOOW!!

http://66.media.tumblr.com/ffcd93fc5e5618c86135ba9bccf1d1a9/tumblr_o5bz3qhmcl1saq3w2o1_500.gif

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King Hippo

Does Litre_Cola know we spent THE WHOLE DAY on his in-between matches thread?

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Brick Meathook

I’m old enough to remember when this was the closest thing to pornography a young boy would ever see.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think that is where “some things” started for me; the idea of the naked women bathing together….. enhanced my imaginative skills.

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Brick Meathook

I never noticed the dog.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What dog?

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King Hippo

remember when one had to WAIT for Cinemax “after dark” to start? Even that seems like such an innocent time…

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JerBear50

I remember frantically tapping the A/B button on the cable box as fast as humanly possible.

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Sill Bimmons

Couldn’t manage a place in the medals even with Brazil and Mexico shitting the bed.

http://static.goal.com/135800/135808_heroa.jpg

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King Hippo

if only the fans were, like, EVEN MOAR dangerous!!!

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwLc7S31kmk

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King Hippo

LMFAO. Americans, amirite??

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Sill Bimmons

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Senor Weaselo

I like how this is becoming a thing now.

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Sill Bimmons

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Sill Bimmons

Has anyone here ever actually seen a short corner work?

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King Hippo

ONCE. I commented on it here, think it happened in this Euros or South American Euros.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I remember one team pulling it off doing it all tournament for one tournament. 2 goals and like 3-5 other good chances. I can’t remember the team or tournament and basically every other time I have seen it it has been awful.

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Sill Bimmons

One massive step forward we’ve achieved this century is the elimination of collars from soccer and rugby jerseys.

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Brick Meathook

It’s the moon landing of the 21st century.

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King Hippo

you mean it’s FAKE and teh collars are still really there??

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Brick Meathook

Have you ever had a day where everything went wrong, to the point that it actually became comical?

That’s me, today. Nothing tragic, just a vast accumulation of minor failures, insults, and “fuck-you”s from God:

-Banged kneecap
-Banged toe five minutes later
-Locked myself out of my car
-Broke a glass
-Drove an hour to work fir weekend call only to be informed that I didn’t need to come in and I never checked my messages and I could have slept in
-It took 2 hours to drive home
-Nasty email from the power company due to my auto-pay being declined due to my credit card on file had been reissued by BofA a month earlier
-A pickup truck crashed into a parked car 50 feet from me while I was walking down the street
-I almost slipped in the shower
-I really wanted some peanuts and I went to the cupboard and discovered I had eaten all the peanuts

These things all really happened to me today. Steer clear of Southern California if you value your health, because this day ain’t over and this is a seismic zone.

If anyone wants to reach me I’m under the bed with a flashlight.

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Duchess

be careful you don’t grab the fleshlight instead

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Porky Prime

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King Hippo

perhaps God really was just a stranger on the bus, tryin’ to make his way home

And you pissed in his hat or somethin’

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JerBear50

For reasons I have yet to determine, she toured with the Dead when I saw them in 03. I assumed she was an opener, but no. She was actually with the band taking the Jerry songs.

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Brick Meathook

I like your comment, even though I have no idea what it means. YOU liked it, and that’s good enough for me.

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JerBear50

King Hippo’s comment was a reference to a Joan Osborne song, which is who I was touring the Dead.

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JerBear50

And I don’t think I liked my own comment, at least not that I can tell.

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Duchess

Must of asked him “Don’t you have better things to do?”

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Brick Meathook

Moose, you bastard, you’re toying with me. I may have to play the Stella Stevens card.

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Duchess

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nfl-shutdown-corner/tarvaris-jackson-pulls-gun-on-wife-who-taunts-him-about-nfl-career-231052079.html

Let us go over what allegedly transpired:

Drunk Wife: “You better be accurate, you ain’t accurate on the field.”
Tarvaris Jackson: *Pulls Gun “I’ll kill you”

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King Hippo

This NEVAR would have happened if she was packing heat BEFORE she started taunting him FOAR being a big ole pile of suckass ,, ppl forget that

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Porky Prime

Good thing she didn’t bring up the superfluous “R” in his last name.

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Duchess

Well at least the US women are excellent at Soccer, but that is because it is virtually illegal to be a woman in most countries.

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King Hippo

helps an awful lot, fo sho

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King Hippo

#TeamDrugsAndAsses. Because 3rd place is still better than losing to Los Fucking Estados Unidos in Lesser Footy.

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Sill Bimmons

I still can’t believe that Andres Escobar went back to Colombia.

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King Hippo

yeah, talk about your “womp womp” moments…

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Gratliff

Apparently, they’re making a more mature Transformers cartoon and the Starscream looks fantastic. I want to tap into nostalgia and like it, but my kid’s already going to drive me nuts with the next god-fuck-terrible Transformers movie. It’s the same reason I’ve held off buying the Devastation game that looked basically like you’re playing the old 80’s cartoon. Damn child corrupting my childhood bliss.
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Duchess

“Oh, Megatron has said he is going to stay retired? Excellent”
-Starscream

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Porky Prime

A more “mature” Transformers?

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/151953/robot-o.gif

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Duchess

Wake UP

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Sill Bimmons

0 — 1

http://www.colombiancuisinerestaurant.com/data1/images/4.jpg

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Senor Weaselo

Well we figured that.

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Senor Weaselo

Evening friends.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Is this the thread that is gonna be used for the 4th place US game or are we gonna get another one?

https://youtu.be/Nzur2Yo4xPI?t=99

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, shit; copy paste skilz are mad.

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Sill Bimmons

We all love Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn

http://i0.wp.com/batman-news.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/007F.jpg

but is Suicide Squad going to be any good?

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...

I feel like I’ve been hearing about this movie for forever, which means I expect it to underwhelm.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I like her Harley Quinn look so I am rooting for her to be good, regardless of the cult he belongs to and how he makes me want to hate him by trying to make his kids actors, Will Smith will probably be good too. I expect the movie as a whole to be just trash because DC movies not directed by Nolan have just been trash

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Duchess

Well that’s because Zach Snyder is a hack.

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Duchess

So Deadpool happened and folks were like sweet Suicide Squad is going to be dark and funny not dark and brooding. DC was like “Um shit that was all the funny stuff in the whole movie TOO THE reshoot mobile!”

So they made reshot to add more comedy bits

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Porky Prime

I have a lot more faith in David Ayer as a filmmaker than Zach Snyder. Snyder is worse than Michael Bay, and he may be worse than Brett Ratner, who at least films what’s on the page without any sort of visual signature. Snyder’s visual signature is as if a glitter pen was clenched in his teeth.

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Duchess

fucking slowmo walking like every character is the hot girl making her first entrance in every 80’s movie.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Hi fuckers. 🙂

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King Hippo

Hai Buddy. But we depend on YOU to do the fucking ,, smgdh

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...

This reminds me that I need to go down to Trump Tower and pose for a middle finger selfie.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So many meanings.

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