NFL Notes:

• Brock Ostweiler, quarterback for something called the “Texans”, has a complaint about the number of laser pointers that were shone his direction last night in Mexico City, during his defeat at the hands of the future Las Vegas Nevadans.
  • He should feel lucky, since most tourists in Mexico never see the red dot, let alone a green flash.
• There’s a Von Miller sex tape? So many questions:

  

  • Does he wear the glasses?
  • Does she wear his glasses? If so, how does he clean them?
  • Does he make reference to “tastes like chicken”?
  • Did he refer to her as “one of his flock”?
  • Is it a Cam Newton sex tape, but he dropped the ball and Von simply dove right in?
  • Cock ring or Super Bowl ring?
• HODOR HAZ CONCUSSION!
  • Scott Tolzien will get the start if Luck can’t go. Chuck Pagano has “all the confidence in the world” in Scott Tolzien
    • Remember, there’s good Tolzien
      • 
    • and bad Tolzien.
      • 
• Getting itchy feet is Josh McDaniels, but he’s looking for the “right job”. Presumably one with a Jiffy Lube sponsorship, so the ‘vette gets some proper maintenance.
• The Rams say they aren’t changing OCs anytime soon. Why would they – going 3-3 in their last 6 guarantees Jeff Fisher his precious 7-9 record and a probable three-year extension.
• Jay Cutler – OUT for the rest of the season with a torn right labrum. Aww…that’s his vaccine shoulder.
• As of this morning, the Raiders & Cowboys are the #1 seeds in their respective conferences. While the concept of the Cowboys appearing in the Super Bowl does raise concerns, it’s nowhere near as bad a scenario like if the Patriots & Cowboys faced each other.

Finally, quite a nice long-form story at nfl.com on Kim Pegula. A tad sycophantic because she’s an owner’s wife, but the kind of thing the NFL doesn’t do enough to promote. “Nice lady does nice things” is always a better look for the NFL than “we donate less than 5% of our proceeds to the actual charity we sponsor”.

If the Cowboys and Patriots do end up meeting in the Super Bowl, there are limited options for avoiding all the hype associated with what will surely be Roger Goodell’s biggest orgasm.

Beyond that salvation, there’s always travel. For the ultimate in isolation, the BBC recommends Foula, the outermost of the inhabited Shetland Islands.

Located 20 minutes from the nearest other island in the chain, it’s served by air four times per week from the main Shetland Island, called Mainland. You can get to Mainland via a 12-hour ferry ride from Aberdeen, or by a 65-minute flight from Aberdeen or a 90-minute flight from Glasgow or Edinburgh. Plus, you have to bring your own food. Convenient!

It’s not as remote as, say, the Falkland Islands, but there is less threat of stepping on an old Argentine land mine. It’s a viable option for avoiding the orgy of hype, which sounds much more gross than an actual orgy.

If Wrestlemania is the Super Bowl of Wrestling, then Survivor Series is the Pro Bowl, where everyone’s on display but nothing important’s being decided. A friend of mine found a bar that was showing it Sunday night – with no cover – and had food & drink specials, plus wrestling trivia challenges between matches. For an 80s wrestling fan like me, that was just perfect.

The whole event was a shit show, but the Brock-Goldberg match was short & to the point.

Shane McMahon tried getting himself killed again.

And Randy Orton hit a sick RKO on Seth Rollins.

All in all, a fun night with friends, and still better than watching the Packers embarrass themselves.

Tonight’s sports:

• College Football: Akron at Ohio – 7:00 PM | ESPNU
• NHL:
  • Blues at Bruins – 7:00 PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
  • Islanders at Ducks – 10:00 PM | Sportsnet
• NBA:
  • Trail Blazers vs. Knicks – 7:30 PM | TSN2
  • Thunder vs. Lakers – 10:30 PM | TSN2
• MLS Soccer Playoff:
  • Montreal vs. Toronto FC – 8:00 PM | ESPN / TSN
  • Seattle vs. Colorado – 10:00 PM | FS1 / TSN
• WWE SmackDown – 8:00 PM | USA / Sportsnet 360

A little something for everyone tonight. On that note, I nominate Al Bundy as the DFO patron saint of couch potatoing.

ARGUE HOW WRONG YOU ARE IN THE COMMENTS!