NFL Speakeasy Stories – LA Story

The girl with the absinthe cart approached him with a wicked smile and a knowing look

One more Coach?

Jeff Fisher just wanted to sit in the back corner alone

“No thanks, Sue Lynn.”

She walked away feeling a mixture of pity and admiration.  It took a lot to survive in this town, let alone thrive.  He was still hanging in.  Yes, by a thread, but he was still here.  She shook away the thought and concentrated on the rowdy group of office workers by the generators.  If they worked in the right highrise, she could make enough in tips to go to Vegas for the weekend. In style.

Coach had never been to The Edison.  HE had told him to go there and where to sit.  Coach dreaded these meetings, but they were necessary.  Out of the corner of his Oakleys, he saw two figures staring at him.

The midget in the deer antlers walked up to him and spoke, “l;kuoiu hoih dfsdi, Coach Fisher!”

“Nice to see you, Grace!”

“kjhlkh wbdt diujd wle 7-9?”

“Real funny, Tommy. Go fuck yourself!”

Suddenly, HE appeared.  This time, he was dressed …. differently.

“So, how ya enjoyin’ LA?”

“Well this is a new one.”

“Yeah, well, I figured I’d change it up a bit.  Haven’t worn this one in a while.”

“That’s a nice touch with the LA jab.  You know I hate this fucking town.”

“Well, that was part of the deal, now wasn’t it?  Don’t tell me you’re cutting out now!  But you’re so close!”

“No, no no!  I’m not cutting out.  Like I told you, I’m ready to re-up.  What’s it going to take?”

“Ok, for starters, we’ll stick with the boilerplate stuff like last time.  Offspring souls, Oakley sponsorship, and the mustache rule.”


“I’m intrigued about this new guy, Goff.  What can you do?”

“Oh, that’s easy.  We’ll undercoach him, stick a bunch of traffic cones in front of him, and ensure the receivers drop all his passes.  He’ll be ready for you by the mid-way point next season.”

“Excellent.  Most promising.  I suppose you’ll have something you want?”

“I need the record.  It’s gotta happen.”

“Means that much to you, huh?”

“Yes.  This year.  And I get two more years at least.  I don’t want anyone getting close to me.  I will finally have immortality!”

“It’s so nice doing business with you!  Enjoy the club.  I hear they have a nice show later on.”

Nah, I’ve gotta meet with the Oakley rep and then I’ve got to head to the goth club to feed.  Later tater!



International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.

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