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Your “December Is Knucklehead Season!” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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This week marks the first real weekend of pre-playoff action, with more slots being possibly decided. It also marks the first real weekend of teams playing out the string, so woe to those who have tickets to watch one of those. Also – “Race to the Bottom”, starring the Browns & 49ers.

NFL News:giants-jason-pierre-paul-giants-wire

  • Early reports today indicate Rashaan Salaam committed suicide. His mom found the note. Yeesh.
  • JPP is done for the season – technically, he could be back for the NFC Championship game, but c’mon – after undergoing “core-muscle” surgery.
    • He’s due to be a free agent in the summer, after his one-year, $10 million contract expires.
  • TE Ladarius Green is really happy to be emerging as the Steeler’s #2 receiving option. He just wishes the “HEEEEATHHHHH” chants would stop.
  • Luke Kuechly is still in concussion protocol but has been allowed to participate in non-contact practice.
  • “You’ve changed, man!”

    In a first sign of everything finally going to his head, Dak jumped on the “America’s Team” bandwagon, saying “We’re America’s Team. I feel like everybody wants to see us play.” Including, as pictured below, all longtime, totally-not-bandwagon fans dating back to Week 5.

    bandwagon-tattoo

  • AP is now hedging bets on if he’ll be back this season, saying it’d be “pointless” to return if the Vikings aren’t making a playoff run.
  • Jeremy Maclin is expected to suit up for the Chiefs versus the Raiders on Thursday, making both fans & fantasy owners equally happy.
  • The NFL announced the individual team finalists for the Walter Payton Man of the Year award. A list of guys you’d mostly expect, but some queries about why some were picked:
    • Brian Cushing (Texans) – for teaching kids about the dangers & no rewards of PEDs?
    • Mike Pouncey (Dolphins) – for not rattin’ out ya boi?
    • Rob Gronkowski (Patriots) – I didn’t know crushing puss was considered charity.
The Lord's work.
The Lord’s work.
  • The “Inaugural [DFO] Bobby Petrino Memorial 49ers Coaching Watch” has ended the back half of the gag after only one week. Oregon has decided on Willie Taggart of South Florida.
    • Some stories tie him to both Harbaugh coaching trees, so he’ll have great receivers but will probably destroy all his quarterbacks while trying to elite them.
    • So now it’s down to whether Trent Baalke wants to keep Chip around.

Meanwhile, Jim Tomsula is in Texarkana, Texas, continuing his cross-country tour and wondering just how Bandit & Snowman loaded all that Coors onto one trailer.

A MACHINE?!
A MACHINE?! I guess, if you want it done properly.

Today’s recommended long-form read comes from ESPN and is about Browns OL Joe Thomas and how he deals with (as of last Sunday) playing 9684 consecutive snaps and suffering 106 losses in his 10 seasons playing in The Factory. Not that we all don’t have a soft spot somewhere that hopes the Browns can become a playoff team one day, but a guy like this makes you want to see them actually do it.

/looks to see Browns Sunday opponent

//the Bengals?!

///a chance!

I’m probably stepping on some toes, but this is just too delightful. Besides, it’s not like I’ve never pre-empted Crimebeat!

Is this a Catch? (via Deadspin)

The only thing that I’m sure of is that he’s a good boy.

It must be Christmas, because the stupid gifts are beginning to show up in the news.

Topping the list today is Nordstrom’s $85 leather-wrapped rock.

This appears to be an actual thing. It’s also apparently sold out. I thought it was another Cards Against Humanity gag gift of actual manure.

'member this?
‘member this?

Only 17 more shopping days!

Tonight’s sports:

Lotsa good stuff tonight.

  • NHL:
    • Wild at Leafs – 7:30 PM | Sportsnet
    • Bruins at Capitals – 8:00 PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Cavaliers at Knicks – 8:00 PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Warriors at Clippers – 10:30 PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NCAA:
    • Men:
      • Georgia Tech at VCU – 7:00 PM | ESPNU
      • Seton Hall vs. California – 7:00 PM | FS1
      • Davidson at North Carolina – 9:00 PM | ESPN2
    • Women: Connecticut at Notre Dame – 7:00 PM | ESPN2

Plus, the South Park season finale is tonight.

(Stupid Can-Con rules won’t let me load the actual preview.) I know some have been down on the linear-season factor, but at least we got “‘member berries” out of it.

WORTH IT!

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Unsurprised

Fuck it. Bedtime.
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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

It’s still December 7 here on the Pacific coast. It may be December 8 in Chicago and Manila and Wake Island and TOKYO but it’s still December 7 here. And Hawaii.

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Beerguyrob

I just got back in from walking the dog in the -7 Celsius. Without alcohol.

All those years of being Canadian have finally paid off!

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I don’t understand. That is shorts and sandals weather. Why are you bragging?

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Beerguyrob

Without. Alcohol.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I wish I was joking but that is my attire all winter unless I have to somewhere where I have to look nice, in which case I dress up proper. Even then the second I get back I go back to shorts and a 15 year old tshirt and do everything in that. I throw on a hoodie for a pocket to hold my cigs but thats it.

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Beerguyrob

Does sweatpants & sandals count? Because that’s the after-dinner dog-walking uniform.

I hear you. Christmas mall shopping in shorts is the best. You’re only cold from the door to the car. And with the malls turned up to 100000000 degrees, it’s the only way to be comfortable and avoid balls sticking to a leg.

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Unsurprised

Oh, wow. Kate Ashfield has not aged well. I also can’t believe Shaun of the Dead was released 12 years ago.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Wow. Just looked up new pictures of her. You are very correct.

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Unsurprised

I always am

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Beerguyrob

Sill?

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Unsurprised

Was George W. Bush’s term in office so long ago that nobody remembers his appointees were just as big a bunch of shitbags, incompetents, cronies, and opportunists?

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ALXMAC

BREAKING: Sources say Bernard Lawrence “Bernie” Madoff has been pardoned; will assume the position of Secretary of the Treasury.

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ALXMAC

I voted for her too. Never gonna hear the end of it.

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Unsurprised

Shaun’s girlfriend in Shaun of the Dead has a nice ass.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do you think we’re the number one non-hentai site in terms of octopus pics? Most Greek restaurant webpages have to be envious.

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ALXMAC

Bonus if you can name the song w/o having to look it up

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Camptown Races

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ALXMAC

I think we all owe a gratitude of debt to ballsofsteelandfury for his LA Story:

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2016/12/07/nfl-speakeasy-stories-la-story/

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Eat a dick, week.

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Sharkbait

At least today is Whiskey Wednesday, followed by Thirsty Thursday?

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Mr. Ayo

Then on to Fall Down Friday!

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Then Shitfaced Saturday

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Fucked Up Friday, where I come from

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At least it’s ove……………. oh fucking god damn son of a fucking god damn cunterast piece of fucking turd…….

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Sharkbait

So the streaming box work gave us is pretty awesome. Also might be slightly illegal depending on what add ons you install. But if watching BBC streams of Nigella Lawson is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Kristen Stewart has the emotive range of a slowly rotting cantelope.

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WCS

She makes Jim Caldwell look like Robert DeNiro in Raging Bull.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Would bang.

Yes, the cantaloupe.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d bang either…. but only if sitting in the afternoon sun long enough to get squishy.

That caveat applies to both too.

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Sharkbait

Good evening. Roger Goodell is a national disgrace.

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LemonJello

Someday that’ll be a common greeting:

Me: “Roger Goodell is a national disgrace!”
Grandma: “Your goddamned right he is!”

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Shogun Marcus

Hail Bleergh.

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Senor Weaselo

Wait, that isn’t already a greeting? (Vegas people, did you greet each other with “Hail Bleergh”? If not, WHY DIDN’T YOU?)

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Beerguyrob

Because they left the cool kids at home to watch the site.

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Senor Weaselo

Hey, nobody calls me cool and gets away with it! Wait, that didn’t come out right.

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...

Cubs fans are being shit in their own salad stupid again after today’s trade.

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LemonJello

“Shit in their own salad stupid”

What is, another awesome phrase to be added to my lexicon, Alex?

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...

Thanks for appreciating it!

What I like is you can modified it nicely with any other food depending on your mood.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I, for one, am comfortable with anything Theo wants to do short of sodomizing anyone I care about.

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...

I saw multiple tweets and comments about how confused people are that the Cubs are trading “cost-controlled talent” now after spending years acquiring it. Maybe–JUST MAYBE–it’s because your team is already LOADED with it and you can use some of the remaining ones to fill holes.

These dipshits crying about losing four years of Soler don’t seem to realize having years of control over a player is only valuable if they’re really good.

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Brick Meathook

Just caught the end of “Torah! Torah! Torah!”

Turns out it was the Jews after all.

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Beerguyrob

Wither Sill?

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...

I think this past election has finally gotten me to quit the Gawker blogs. For some reason, I can not longer subject myself to the righteousness of its mostly liberal commenters.

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...

Oh? So everyone who voted Trump is dead to you? Glad you’re so proud of yourself for being so much better than they are. I’ll bet you’ll be just as pissed off when they vote Republican to spite your haughty ass again in two or four years. But let that righteousness comfort you as the country goes to shit.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I don’t hate a good percentage of Trump voters, but I do believe a large portion of them are racist, sexist, xenophobic and assholes. And I think Trump went after their support and actually gained it by being like every racist white grandfather in America.

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...

Well, I’d argue a good portion of Clinton voters are actually racist, sexist, and assholes too, albeit at a lower rate than those on the right.

Regardless, the left’s approach to dealing with these issues to scream at people as if they’re forever unclear seemingly without any care as if that’ll make things better or not.

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Gratliff

We don’t even have time for the post-mortems now. He’s got the fucking Legion of Doom as his cabinet. Anti-public schools SoE, anti-environmentalist head of EPA, a fucking cartoon character surgeon for HUD, Linda McMahon for fucking SBA! WWE is the fucking Wal-Mart of wrestling. Its entire business model is built around the systematic destruction of small competitors. I feel like the second they pull that lever to start the administration, it’s gonna start a fucking singularity in Washington. My internal monologue is currently in Zandig mode right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQ7_5MMboo4

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Don T

Obligatory: Mike Zimmer on Petrino (ESPN)
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Beerguyrob

Just switch in the words “Norv Turner” and it works in 2016.

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Fronkenshteen

Got the “first out” shift tonight, so I get to drink with the waitresses tonight! Gaaahhh-ssiiiiiiiip!!!!!!!

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Brick Meathook

Please everyone, have a safe and happy Pearl Harbor Day. Let’s not go nuts out there.

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LemonJello

I laughed at that way harder than I should. It really snuck up on me and caught me unprepared.

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Old School Zero

I’m just here to note two things:

1.) Flame grilled cheeseburger Ruffles taste just as advertised, somehow. The New Jersey flavoring magic is getting crazy. All-dressed are still my favorite, though.

b.) Apparently Brady Quinn is now doing announcing for NFL games.

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litre_cola

I am interested in your Ruffles, and yes All Dressed best.

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ALXMAC

I think Brady “The Mighty” Quinn has been calling an occasional BIG12 CF game (FOXSPORTS!!!) for a few years now; I hate all ND and USC QB’s so I’m not sure if it was him or someone else. Either way he wasn’t elite.

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LemonJello

Then you would have loved the Pac-12 Championship pre-game: Brady Quinn AND Matt Leinart at the SAME TIME!

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...

Trump making a show of the Air Force One contract is actually fairly clever. It’s the sort of statement that sounds reasonable if you know nothing about how much customizing a plane costs even though it completely falls apart if you spend a reasonable amount of time examining the statement. But the white working class dopes who elected him will tell him you’re an idiot for opposing something to eliminate government “waste.”

Oddly, the most unexpected person is actually giving me hope. Joe Walsh has realized that Trump’s appointments totally contradict the populist bullshit he spouts and he is as about a lunatic of a right wingers as lunatic right wingers come.

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Senor Weaselo

I can understand cutting out government waste, but considering that Air Force One’s the president’s mobile office in the sky you’d think that would be something to not skimp on and make sure it kicks every conceivable type of ass. How old are the current Air Force Ones? *googles* Commissioned in 1990.

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...

Yup. But throw around $170 million for engineering and $4 billion to build and the Joe American Dipshit thinks it’s too much money because he has no idea how much planes cost and won’t ever grasp the idea that the alternative option of keeping a plane at the end of its useful life in the air will cost a bunch of money could be wasteful too.

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LemonJello

I’m no expert, but I’d imagine the VC-25’s similarities with a cattle-car 747 stop at the general shape and some of the materials used in its construction.

In-flight refueling, flare/chaff/electronic countermeasures and the extra communications and redundant systems are just the tip of the iceberg of extras needed.

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...

It reminds of when John McCain said he’d ban earmarks on bills which also sounded like a fantastic idea until you realized it was the equivalent of a person on an average salary not upgrading their burger combo at lunch once a week.

If you ever want to test these ignoramuses knowledge, ask them how much was spend total on the U.S. budget last year. I’ll bet half of them can’t hit it within 100 billion dollars.

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ALXMAC

And my 1st thought was that he’s just mad that he won’t get to use it, so off with it’s head.

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...

Or he wants to fly around in his own plane instead.

Who fuckin’ knows with this guy?

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Senor Weaselo

Popular Mechanics ran down the list of all the defense gadgets it would need. It’s not a small number.

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JustStopDude

I really don’t buy into the whole “Kids these days” shit…but dear fucking god we got a bunch of new hires that are killing me. I have taught rooms filled with people that we didn’t speak a common language and it went better than dealing with these kids.

They get tasked by their management to simulate running a steel mill with PLCs, HMI, and drives. I tried to convince everyone that they shouldn’t touch my actual training drives. I have to have these things ready to go at a moment’s notice and I don’t like people fucking with them. Despite the fact that I cost customers $6k a 40 hour training block per person, I get almost nothing in the way of a budget or support. A single board getting damaged pretty much fucks me and I have more broken drives than running ones. Plus, they don’t need to use the fucking drives. They can use my simulators which are easier to fix.

Three days ago I had to go into the office because the kids just shoved the software for an inverter into a converter and nearly blew up the room. It took me like 10 minutes to fix, but these damn kids could not follow simple instructions over the phone. While I am there, I show them that the drives work, that NO HARDWARE changes are allowed. Basically turn the fucking things on and use the instructions and training I had already given them.

Around 400pm, the head fuck nut emails me that the drives won’t run and he thinks they need to rewire them. I call him up and tell him NO…send me the drive file so I can see what they are trying to do.

The best way I can describe it is imagine your parent cannot figure out that the TV needs to be on channel 3 for the cable box to work. They had nothing set up in the drive logic for the run command to work. So I take the time, on vacation again, to send an email with pictures of the logic and how to basically change TWO bits for it to work and for the kids to call me immediate, whether or not the drive works.

I never hear back.

Finally, the head fuck nut texts me, asking if I can come in because they tried rewiring the XIO board prior to contacting me and its still not working.

At the very start of January, I got customers flying in from Malaysia to get training on those simulators.

I don’t get these fucking kids. They all have engineering degrees and they cannot follow simple ladder logic. I have had illiterate day laborers from rural India that could follow simple steps and concepts better than these kids.

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Gratliff

PLC programming was such a trip for me to watch when I first got into a manufacturing company. 15 years of scripting and programming, and it never occurred to me that jimmy joe fuck maintenance guy was like 2 steps away from programming in Assembly and just didn’t realize it. That being said, some of the PLC programmers did things like ask for bigger hard drives so their computers would run faster, so y’know, there was definitely some disconnects in there.

Anyway, as a tech guy, I long learned the fastest way to get someone to break your shit is to tell them to touch anything but that shit, because when something goes even slightly wrong, the power of reverse psychology tells them the fastest way to fix it is to fuck with that very specific shit.

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JustStopDude

The original training with these kids was the most frustrating training session I have ever given…and I have had to teach kids with just a high school diploma how to operate and run a nuclear propulsion plant.

At one point, I had to take away all their phones because they were so blatantly ignoring me, it was distracting me.

I don’t have a problem with them asking for help. What is killing me is they don’t make the effort to really troubleshoot anything logically. Like my TV example, its akin to the channel being on 2 instead of 3, and their solution is to rip the TV off the wall and start disassembling it fully.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s the whole “well, I don’t understand this but since I’m too XXXXXXX to ask for help I’ll just go ahead and wing it” that kills me.

I don’t know what XXXXXXX is – too embarrassed, too proud, too stubborn – who knows.

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Unsurprised

College graduates. There’s a reason JSD’s Indian farmers and 18-year-old nuclear power plant teams didn’t act like they knew better—because they goddamn good and well knew they did not.

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LemonJello

Basic, logical troubleshooting seems to escape A LOT of people. I had a whole platoon of pretty smart young Marines doing data networking (routing/switching/servers) and the hardest thing to teach them was basic troubleshooting – you don’t need to dive into the config files right away – the most common problems were physical connections (beside dumb-ass users).

Nothing on the scale of what you’re doing, but frustrating none the less. At least with my clowns, I could make them dig holes or stand firewatch if they really pissed me off.

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Senor Weaselo

I want to play Super Plinko with Chris Hardwick, because Super Plinko.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Is it really worth a potential $12 million dollars to spend an afternoon with Chris Hardwick?

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Senor Weaselo

It can’t be that long, they have to do Talking Super Plinko too.
/I actually watch @midnight sometimes, but it depends on who the contestants are.

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Shogun Marcus

Yes. A good panel makes all the difference on that show. Funches is the best. Not all comedians can do that show.

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Beerguyrob

Weird Al is always solid.

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litre_cola

Well commentists, i did the math for you and I just got home from a day working outside and it is -28 fahrenheit. Fuck xmas and working everyday the 18 days and the next 17.

At least tomorrow night will be a good game.

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Shogun Marcus

You just jinxed it. I now blame Canada. But seriously thanks for doing the math.
/am murkan, is not our strong suit
//not much is these days

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Given today’s cabinet appointment, do you think that Trump is going to replace the inaugural music of “Hail to the Chief” with “I am a Real American”?

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Shogun Marcus

I am writing a new anthem. The biglyest. Yuge. Don’t like the old one. Sad.

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ALXMAC

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...

Have you ever seen the gif of Trump getting the Stone Cold Stunner? Fucker didn’t ever bother to sell it well.

Most offensive thing he’s ever done.

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Shogun Marcus

I am watching a show on beavers. You should know this. Now you do, and you’ll always know it.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Doing some of the ol’ beaver-watchin’, eh?

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Unsurprised

I’m seriously considering the benefits of purchasing a balaclava

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I told my wife I would most likely be drinking a lot between now and the winter solstice. I just want 2016 to end as soon as possible.

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Unsurprised

Gronk doesn’t crush pussy for charity, he crushes pussy named Charity.

(I feel bad for making that joke. It’s hanging so low because it’s overripe and only good as a future seed)

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Beerguyrob

YOU TAKE THAT BACK! I’d be more offended if someone didn’t take that opportunity.

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Unsurprised

I’m not proud to be a shitty person, but I’m honest about being a shitty person.

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JustStopDude

Top four teams, from 2015, going back 10 seasons.

1. New England Patriots — 122 wins (9 playoff appearances, 1st in AFC East) Pats easily smash the 9 out of last ten season mark for winning seasons.

2. Indianapolis Colts — 110 wins (9, 1st)

If you count 8-8 as a winning season, Colts make it, based on the one year they intentionally sucked for Luck.

3. Pittsburgh Steelers — 101 wins (6, 1st)

Steelers have three 8-8 seasons over the last ten years, but never had a season worse.

4. Green Bay Packers — 98 wins (7, 1st)

Packers have one season below .500 and another that was 8-7-1.

Interestingly, the Chargers do achieve this from 2014 back with only two 8-8 seasons.

HOW THE FUCK ARE THE BROWNS SO CONSISTENTLY BAD?!?!?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did Trump choose Linda McMahon to continue the millionaire/billionaire cabinet or to pretend to appeal to the “working class” voters that already geeked betrayed by him? Oh look, a shiny new horrible news story!

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ALXMAC

Yes?

Also relevant:
“Trump to name Scott Pruitt, Oklahoma attorney general suing EPA on climate change, to head the EPA”
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/politics/ct-trump-pruitt-epa-20161207-story.html

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Senor Weaselo

Yes.

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JustStopDude

“…suffering 106 losses in his 10 seasons…”

That takes effort. A combined effort by ownership and management to just make money and fuck what goes on in the way of field production. 1 fucking winning season in 10. I would argue its more difficult for an NFL team to go 1 for 10 for winning seasons than it is to hit 9 for 10.

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ballsofsteelandfury

That is a catch, fumble, clear recovery, and then a return to the house. Unfortunately, the ref called a taunting penalty on poochie.

FIRST DOWN!

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Shogun Marcus

You forgot touchdown Seahawks.

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LemonJello

Not shown: additional flag for “excessive celebration” as the pup humped the ref’s leg. The penalty will be assessed on the ensuing kick-off.

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ALXMAC

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blackroseMD1

So Linda McMahon has been tapped to head the Small Business Administration.

My guesses on a couple more positions:

Director of the ATF: Stone Cold Steve Austin and once gambling is legalized nationwide, Director of Gaming: Triple H

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scotchnaut

Potential Secretary of State Nominee-

“The corpse of Secretariat will do a great job. The best job. It’s right there in the name, folks.”

-The President-Elect

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scotchnaut

With respect to the “is this a catch?” gif.

Definitely photoshopped-pure white cornerbacks have been extinct for many years now.

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litre_cola

Is winter over yet?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hi
🙂

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ALXMAC

OY!!

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