Your “Oh My, Such Big D’s You Have There!” Xmas Night NFL Open Thread

Den/KC-The O’s of both these teams have a lot to answer for and Alex Smith is doing his best. Pressed on his unit’s failure to score he blurfed up this mighty gem-“We’ve got to play better.” I wonder if he emphasized the “We”, the “Got”, the “Play” or the “Better”? It really makes a difference you know. KC has scored a microscopic nine  points in the the 3rd and 4th quarters of their last three games. Laughing are we Broncos?-not so fast. Just pick any offensive category, go ahead. Well, they’re like 21st, 24th, 29th or 30th-ranked-doesn’t matter which one you opted for. That said, the Broncs get into the playoffs (they won’t) if and only if all these things happen. If they beat the Chiefs, Ravens beat Steelers and then the Bengals, the Pats beat the Fins and the Chiefs beat the Chargers it’s a done deal. They’ll have to do it without lb Marshall, te’s Derby and Green, safety Ward and possibly de Wolfe tonight though. That’s a heck of an uphill climb. I’m rooting for them because an Andy Reid team without Jamaal Charles is a boring team meant to put small children to sleep. “Ethan, it’s 8:30. Quit running around and watch this game with me”. [carries child off to bed 15 minutes later]

No Monday Nighter tomorrow-this is all you’ve got until Saturday so make it count. COMMENTERS…COMMENT!!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spur

Help! A snake bit me
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King Hippo

THAT is the Devontae Booker we expected

King Hippo

oh, and Hippo gon drank

King Hippo

no, but I won. Benched him for Thielen!!

Spur

Alexa, why don’t I have a girlfriend?

...

Alexa: “Please. I can not be fucked. I lack an orifice.”

ballsofsteelandfury

Not for long…

Dunstan

Tabernac!

Dunstan

Alex Smith: soon to be the 3rd best QB in the AFC playoffs.

Brick Meathook

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Gratliff

Later, Nerds. Enough of this football shit. It’s almost time for the Doctor Who christmas special! I hear it’s got a superhero this year!

Dunstan

Enjoy — because every Christmas is Last Christmas

...

/looks also

Curse of Marino

whats that from?

Recovery Whiskey

West Coast .. This game will be ending about when that starts

King Hippo

well, fuck a duck

Curse of Marino

Your reminder that Rex Ryan is a dumb, DUMB motherfucker

https://mobile.twitter.com/PFF/status/812782323104153601

King Hippo

also, the Trump shit

Croooow

Rex Ryan: Future hot-taek loudmouth on FS1?

Dunstan

Oh, I’m cheering for L.A. Rams head coach. Though I’m starting to wonder if Rex has reached the needs-to-step-down-to-coordinator-again stage.

Recovery Whiskey

Ive tried to change my profile pic. Dumb site will let me upload but it never takes.

Spur

How old was that Hunt daughter? I need to know how bad I should feel.

ballsofsteelandfury

The far right looked legal. If you were looking left, Chris Hanson wants a word.

ballsofsteelandfury

Who is banging the shit out of Hunt daughter on the far right?

Curse of Marino

So how the fuck you guys jewin?

JerBear50

Mr Gibson, stay off the internet when you drink sir.

Spur

RIP George Micheal
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King Hippo

I am here to declare with full confidence that the Chefs are an abomination against God and man!!

/got wine open with sneaker and mini-screwdriver

//remembered to do it in sink this time

Croooow

Eli’s lip-sync: Still hilarious.

Dunstan

I can’t decide if that’s his O-face or he’s just constipated. Possibly both.

Spur

All I want for Christmas is for Carrie Underwood to sit on my face.

ballsofsteelandfury

So they finally decided to stop ripping off Joan Jett?

Recovery Whiskey

Unless Im mistaken she got a royalty every time they used it.

Or Noddy Holder of Slade did, where she ripped off the melody from

King Hippo

huzzah, Slade!!!

Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

¿Uh, Mom?

Gratliff

My facebook feed is filled to the brim with white people with 80’s nostalgia crying over George Michael, who actively support every political group that wants to deny gays equal rights. It’s a really fascinating case study.

...

The human mind’s ability to believe contradictions is pretty fucking amazing, really.

Recovery Whiskey

“I love my dead gay pop singer!”

Gratliff

I was 7 when I first saw that and laughed at it. I had a strange upbringing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMroWnWIqs0

King Hippo

THAT IS A FUCKING GREAT FILM

King Hippo

I never understand people who dress up for flying. It’s uncomfortable enough if you’re not in gym clothes.

/also PRO TIP – carry on a backpack, and include slippers

ballsofsteelandfury

The only reason to do so is to try to get upgraded to a better class. It doesn’t happen if you are dressed as a slob.

King Hippo

NAWT good enough!!

...

That’s so unlikely that I’d never bother with it.

Romonobyl

Very true, gotta dress a little snappy if you want the upgrade.

...

Unless there’s a line of a couple dozen people with airline status ahead of you who will get upgraded regardless of what they wear.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is true, but you can always change in the bathroom.

King Hippo

I have done that.

Romonobyl

And don’t wear a belt.

Gratliff

I don’t even like to drive a car in a collared shirt. Flying in a suit is only acceptable if you’re actively planning to die en route.

Recovery Whiskey

Some of us are en route to a meeting

Curse of Marino

I CALL THOSE BALTIMORE RAVENS, GEORGE MICHAEL, BECAUSE THEY CHOKED AND GAGGED ON A COCK UNTIL THEY DIED.

King Hippo

BANNER this man

Gratliff

oh my god

Unsurprised

I need to go back to writing, so of course this game and the comments will be awesome. Anyway, have good evening.

makeitsnowondem

Merry Christmas, gentlemen.

Romonobyl

It’s Kwanzaa bitches.

King Hippo

MOAR LIEK DONKSMAS NOW, BROTHER!!!

makeitsnowondem

FUCK YEAH, WIN OR GET MATHEMATICALLY ELIMINATED TRYING

King Hippo

Wow, it took a long time to write the Hippo Thoughts for the PIT game. I hope it’s not too cheesy.

Bet this recap takes 60-70 seconds.

But you want to cheer FOAR TEH DONKS, so you can hate TAMMY and Grumblelord more when they take a dive Week 17 to keep Denver out (and not a possible Divisional Round opponent).

ballsofsteelandfury

I take comfort in the fact that GrumbleLord would like nothing more than keeping a division opponent out of the playoffs. I choose to believe his hate helps the Donks.

Brick Meathook

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Romonobyl

“At first I felt bad for the girl, then I got a look at her face and I started feeling bad for the donkey.”
One of the best lines from The Forty Year Old Virgin.

Spur

How much ham did Andy Reid eat today?

ballsofsteelandfury

All of it

JerBear50

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Romonobyl

Not how much but how many.

Gratliff

Can’t possibly be more than me.

Lord,
Give me strength to finish the last 4 pounds of the ham in my refrigerator
I know I should share it with those less fortunate
But that shit was from honey baked ham and cost $63
Also, fuck Dallas
Amen

litre_cola

Hangover status. Suicidal.

Unsurprised
Gratliff

Oh shit. That reminds me, new Doctor Who tonight!

Romonobyl

I’ve been three weeks sans proper footy, please forgive me if after a TD a say “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAL!!!!!!”
And now a song from my people on the vuvuzela…

Unsurprised

/Romonobyl died on the way back to his home planet

Recovery Whiskey

Boxing Day tomorrow. EPLapalooza.

Spur

I want to see a fight, some Donkey on Donkey violence would be great.

ballsofsteelandfury

I was about to post a gif but I don’t want to get banned…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

DONKEY PUNCHES FOR ALL

Gratliff

George Michael is an interesting case where the only time I like his music is when it’s being covered, and the only time I like his singing is when he’s covering someone else.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYAR8RigqDA

Spur

What did him in?

ballsofsteelandfury

I mentioned AIDS before and i felt bad, but no one contradicted me.

Gratliff

To be fair, it’s one of those things. I mean, it was literally 24 hours between finding out Freddie Mercury had AIDS, and him dying. Given the era, it’s at least plausible.

Gratliff

“Homosexuality.”
-Twitter

Unsurprised

They don’t know

Recovery Whiskey

Officially pneumonia. Age 53. There has to be more to the story.

Spur

Folks. The Mighty SA Spurs have dispatched the lowly Bulls of Chicago. Not sure which team to root for here. Who has the better chance of beating the Steelers/Massholes?

ballsofsteelandfury

Trust me, you want to root for Denver.

Brick Meathook

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MISTER POTTER, YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A WARPED FRUSTRATED OLD MAN!
YOU MAY OWN HALF THIS TOWN, BUT I’M FUCKING DONNA REED!
SO THERE!

Unsurprised

Ed Harris in the background deciding where he’s going to dump Stewart’s body

Recovery Whiskey

As a nod to Trump’s America, I am imagining Potter as a shit-together businessman who knew the value of a dollar, and Bailey as a socialist with a drunk uncle that couldn’t make it without charity.

Sharkbait

Is the wind the way Sha’nkor has chosen to greet us this evening?

Unsurprised

Wind!?! How will this affect the accuracy of Alex Smith’s deep throws?

Recovery Whiskey

Guessing not at all, since he doesnt throw any

Unsurprised

Daddy like

ballsofsteelandfury

Good luck boobies.

Well done!

Unsurprised

The best DEN/KC game was in 1998 when it rained so had the stands at Arrowhead flooded.

Recovery Whiskey

I never noticed it before but Simian has a similar dopey smile as Elway.

Gratliff

Welp, George Michael’s dead. Guess Leia gets to usher in 2017, then.

Unsurprised

The only non-cunt D.C. sports guy

Recovery Whiskey

Hello tap tap tap this thing on?

Costas better hope that his toupe is glued on tight in the wind

ballsofsteelandfury

The wind should really blow him away into the night for him never to be seen again.

Unsurprised

It’s 2016; the exact opposite is sure to occur because God hates us

ballsofsteelandfury

I honestly believe 2017 is going to be awesome. Don’t know why but i do.

Unsurprised

I hope so

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