Your “Oh My, Such Big D’s You Have There!” Xmas Night NFL Open Thread

Den/KC-The O’s of both these teams have a lot to answer for and Alex Smith is doing his best. Pressed on his unit’s failure to score he blurfed up this mighty gem-“We’ve got to play better.” I wonder if he emphasized the “We”, the “Got”, the “Play” or the “Better”? It really makes a difference you know. KC has scored a microscopic nine  points in the the 3rd and 4th quarters of their last three games. Laughing are we Broncos?-not so fast. Just pick any offensive category, go ahead. Well, they’re like 21st, 24th, 29th or 30th-ranked-doesn’t matter which one you opted for. That said, the Broncs get into the playoffs (they won’t) if and only if all these things happen. If they beat the Chiefs, Ravens beat Steelers and then the Bengals, the Pats beat the Fins and the Chiefs beat the Chargers it’s a done deal. They’ll have to do it without lb Marshall, te’s Derby and Green, safety Ward and possibly de Wolfe tonight though. That’s a heck of an uphill climb. I’m rooting for them because an Andy Reid team without Jamaal Charles is a boring team meant to put small children to sleep. “Ethan, it’s 8:30. Quit running around and watch this game with me”. [carries child off to bed 15 minutes later]

No Monday Nighter tomorrow-this is all you’ve got until Saturday so make it count. COMMENTERS…COMMENT!!!

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Dunstan

For some reason, I’m less bothered by the fact that Tecmo Bo is allowed to drive an SUV on the field than the fact that it wasn’t a safety when he ran out to the parking lot.

I guess what I’m saying is, I really love safeties. Do we have a God of Safeties?

ballsofsteelandfury

¡The Donks have life!

Not much, mind you, but it’s something

King Hippo

remember there is Lesser Footy tomorrow! wake up early if you want to make Fat Sam jokes

Brick Meathook

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Spur

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King Hippo

I hate those fat fucks in Arrowhead so goddamned much

Horatio Cornblower

Did no one tell Denver’s D that they were going to working this Christmas?

King Hippo

seems like on strike to protest the offense…

Spur

If KC scores a TD here this game is over right?

Horatio Cornblower

Oh I think we’re well past that point.

ballsofsteelandfury

Looks that way…

Dunstan

Elway says neigh.

The Maestro

wait fuck we’re only in the second quarter what the fuck is going on with this game

Horatio Cornblower

Who’s lonlier, the Unabomber or the KC wider receivers coach?

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Yeah. The lamp.

That’s what I’d focus on.

Horatio Cornblower

I dunno Broncs; I might try and double Kelce from here on out.

King Hippo

did you mean cripple? edit, then I shall rikey

Horatio Cornblower

I say ‘tomato’, you say ‘felony assault’

Curse of Marino

So did Paxton Lynch fuck Bojack Horseman’s daughter? Why hasnt he started yet?

JerBear50

He has started. He was fucking terrible.

King Hippo

he has…and he’s worse

King Hippo

well, I finished Hippo Thoughts so I can concentrate on MAH GODDAMNED DRINKING

King Hippo

he is basically a Costco knockoff Alex Smith

Horatio Cornblower

In order for Denver to get in the play-off they’re going to need a stroke of epic good fortune and that doesn’t seem likely for Kubiak.

JerBear50

An epic stroke seems highly likely for Andy Reid.

ballsofsteelandfury

It bothers me that Alex Smith will get credit for a 80 yard touchdown even though the ball barely traveled a yard forward in the air.

Horatio Cornblower

I expect Andy Reid to start challenging his team’s TDs any minute now. There’s simply no way he’s going to put up with this much success.

rockingdog

Jyve Turkey!

JerBear50

It’s almost like Andy Reid figured out that it’s a good idea to get the ball to the talented guys.

Curse of Marino

I’m pretty sure Collinsworth’s fantasy league prize include strippers and copious amounts of blow

Spur

Running really fast is a pretty good offensive strategy.

Curse of Marino

GRITTY TOUCHDOWN

Dunstan

Seems unlikely that the Denver defense will be talking much shit in the locker room tonight.

makeitsnowondem

I don’t really even believe that the Broncos offense as currently constituted can score three touchdowns in one game, so if the Chiefs lead goes to three touchdowns I’m just going to leave.

Horatio Cornblower

He’ll never leave Denver again; didn’t you follow his epic live-tweet of ‘Oregon Trail’?

King Hippo

I will say this – we did DAMNED GOOD drafting safeties this past go-round.

Horatio Cornblower

Really?

King Hippo

womp womp ME

Horatio Cornblower

Collinsworth just admitted to gambling with Warren Sapp.

There’s gotta be a whole series of stories there.

Horatio Cornblower

My wife in a Santa hat > Von Miller in a Santa hat.

Trust me on this one.

Romonobyl

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s not her…

Brick Meathook

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Spur

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The Maestro

Being shittered drunk plus my livestream being like 2 minutes behind real time means I have no idea what the fuck is going on, but it’s not like that’s any different from the rest of my life anyways.

ballsofsteelandfury

¡Yay Donks!

King Hippo

SHIT. Motherfucker needed to try harder to get in the end zone.

makeitsnowondem

Fuck yeah Simmonds.

Curse of Marino

“Shit did I forget to turn the weather machine off?” –
Adam Gase.

Spur

Donks did good?

Horatio Cornblower

There’s the boner pill Hippo needed!

Curse of Marino

Shit did I forget to turn the weather machine off?” –
Adam Gase.

Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

Let me guess: Colquitt’s college on the intro was BYU, wasn’t it?

Recovery Whiskey

Tennessee. Same state he’s from. So the LDS confirmation bias will have to wait apparently

Shogun Marcus

Hey Colquitt. Fuck all your kids names. HARD.

Romonobyl

That family is so white, Archie Manning said “what a bunch of jive honkies.”

Curse of Marino

Yeah, NBC. Just keep showing a bewildered Von Miller.

Spur

Hey Donks
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Dunstan

Damnit, really going to miss Jenna. Of course, I thought that about Karen Gillam, too. But I’m not sure the newest companion is as superficially pleasing.

Horatio Cornblower

Tyreek Hill is “his own fireworks show!”

He sure is Al; just ask his ex.

Spur

Elway is thinking about how to sign Romo right now.

Dunstan

Tomorrow he will. Right NOW Elway is probably just thinking about which liquor stores are open tonight.

JerBear50
ballsofsteelandfury

This is banner material

Horatio Cornblower

I was just thinking it’s a damn shame we can’t put photos on the banner.

The Maestro

Holy shit, folks. I haven’t been this drunk on Christmas since… Last year, I bet.

Hope everyone’s having a great day.

Brick Meathook

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