I’m headed to London in a few hours, and thanks to a family connection, there’s a decent chance I’ll be flying in first class. Since I’m flying out of LAX, there’s also a decent chance that someone famous will be on my flight. I’ve given it some thought, and I figured out who I would wish for to be sitting next to me on this trip: Karen Gillan. What about you? Who ya got?
Steve Bannon. There’s not a jury in the world that would convict me.
“I don’t understand. How could a man just ‘fall’ out of a passenger airliner at 45,000 feet?”
– Bannon’s widow
“Well, anyhow, I’m glad he’s dead. I was just curious, is all.”
– that same woman
Also, the answer is Sean Hannity. Because I would be gassy.
Jesus, if I wound up next to him….. not sure what the fuck I’d do.
I would pull a Colmes.
/too soon?
Eh, Colmes makes the same impression now that he did when he was on the show.
Flirt with him. Or start praying in Arabic.
Change seats or murder would be my only options.
Just don’t forget, when you walk into a pub and ask where you can find a fag to inhale, you’re gonna be disappointed.
Naomi Watts. FOAR me or you. I’m feeling generous today.
FleshLight.
Is this who we’d want on your flight or our hypothetical one, and does it have to be LAX?
Shane Black.
Me: Hey.
Shane Black: Um, hey…?
Me: So, Lethal Weapon was great, didn’t care for the Last Boy Scout, holy shit Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was awesome and I’ve already seen The Nice Guys four times.
SB: Thanks…?
Me (opening laptop): But enough about you. Here’s seventy-odd chapters of Hard Ride To Nowhere, your next yuuuge movie.
SB: Umm…
Me: Tust me.
SB (squirming in his seat): Ummm…
Me: Trust me.
Please let this happen, God.