Good afternoon, denizens of debauchery. I am here to tickle your taste buds as our own Yeah Right enjoys a week off from being a mad kitchen scientist of epic proportions. This week, I am going to share with you the fine art of the ultimate lazy Sunday morning breakfast, passed down to my by my father: The Leftovers Scramble.

Now, I know what you are thinking: “Haven’t I already done this in college or when the wife/girlfriend/parole officer is out of town?” Sure, but there’s a little more to it than just taking whatever is left in your fridge and cracking an egg on top of it.

…

…

Well, I mean, yeah, that’s mostly it, but the art is in the preparation, and that starts during the week. Whenever you go out or make something at home, if you’re full, don’t just keep cramming food into your maw like a Colts fan. Save it! Put in a bag or box and most of the time it can last a few days in the fridge. I’ll walk you through two different scrambles that I did last weekend. Here are all of my leftovers for the first:

• A couple of pieces of breaded ahi from a sandwich
• A chunk of gyro meat that fell out of the pita
• A spear of pineapple that was close to getting too old
• 2 different kinds of onions
• French fries from lunch

It drives me nuts going out to lunch with friends and seeing them throw away a bunch of fries! They make the perfect crunch or easy hashbrown alternative to any scramble. If you learn anything from me today, I hope that it is this: Get your fries to go, goddamnit!

Anyway, take what you have, dice it up into bite size chunks and toss it in a skillet turned up to medium heat.

In most cases, your leftovers are going to be already cooked. All you want to do here is simmer them up, maybe caramelize somethings like the onions or toss a little oil on top of everything to get a nice fry. While all of this is going on, get out the only thing you went and bought just for this meal: some eggs! If you’re eating alone, 2-3 eggs is usually plenty. If you’re entertaining, add 3 more per person. Just make sure you have a bigger pan and enough leftovers to cover everyone.

So, go and crack open and start beating those eggs. Beat them good, like they remind you of an NFL owner who took away the ONLY TEAM you ever truly cared about and has lead you to now hate the ENTIRE FUCKING SPORT that you once so–

Huh? Oh, sorry, I think I blacked out there for a second… And it looks like I’ve cracked another bowl… Oh well.

[Tosses bowl into teeming pile]

Make sure you pick out the pieces of plaster or glasses and pour the eggs into the pan after reducing the heat a little bit. Scrambled eggs are best when cooked slower on a lighter heat, as they can burn with the quickness if you’re not careful.

I generally like these dishes more on the omelette side of things, so once the bottom and sides of the eggs solidify enough, I just grab a spatula and flip half of it over onto the other side. If you’re going to add any cheese that you want inside, toss that in right before doing this. After 2-3 more minutes, flip your scramble onto its other side, turn off the heat and plate it up when ready.

Mine didn’t turn out quite as sexy as I was hoping, but god damn did it not matter. The onions cooked up perfectly to compliment the sweetness of the pineapple, the spice of the gyro meat and the fish provided the main sustenance I needed to get going. And of course, the fries to solve that everlasting potato craving. This was wonderful.

Okay, for Round 2, I got a little more creative. I went out to a taco shop the night before, and when I couldn’t finish my burrito, I grabbed a few extra things as I knew exactly what I was going to do the next morning.

• Carnitas from a burrito
• A slice of lime requested from the taco shop
• An extra to-go container of he verde salsa from the taco shop
• Half an avocado already cut up
• A few corn tortillas
• More fries!

I pulled apart what I could from the carnitas and sliced up the fries for the pan. The oil from the carnitas was pretty heavy, and I wanted to cook a little bit of that out. It was nice, as it got the fries crunchy before tossing the egg on top. After following all the steps above and getting the eggs nice and solid, I diced up what was in the pan, tossed it on a tortilla and added all the fixings. Here was the outcome:

Save your food and you too can eat like a king again the next day! All it takes is a little forethought and the willingness to only dirty one pan and a bowl for the eggs, It doesn’t get much easier than this!

What’s that? You want to know the weirdest things I’ve ever scrambled? Let’s see… I’ve cutup a slice of pizza and tossed it in with some teriyaki rice for something that was pretty memorable. Of course, there were some goddamn fries in there too!

So go out there folks, raid your fridges, let nothing going to waste! If it’s expiring soon, throw it in the pan and scramble an egg on top! You never know how great it might actually be until you try.

Leftovers: It’s what’s for breakfast.