Latest posts by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (see all)
- Your “The Sun Rises on the Factory” Saturday Morning Open Thread – February 16, 2019
- Request Line: Duets – February 15, 2019
- Request Line: Coffee is for Closers – February 8, 2019
INT. TRUMP TOWER – DAY.
Boxed-in video footage of a conference room. Several well-dressed men sit around a conference table with their attention focused on a sophisticated middle-aged woman.
NATALIA VESELNITSKAYA: …and zo you zee, zeeze hacked materials can be of great help to your campaign, da?
DONALD TRUMP, JR.: Wow! This is fantastic! Dad, what do you think?
DONALD TRUMP: It’s terrific. Let’s release these right away.
NATALIA VESELNITSKAYA: Not zo fast, Meezter Trump. In exchange for zeeze we would like something from you. A sign of the good faith. Ve vould like to you to change the language in the Republican party platform regarding our, how you say, activity in ze Ukraine.
DONALD TRUMP: A quid pro quo? [aside, to PAUL MANAFORT] Did you know I invented that term? [to VESELNITSKAYA] Consider it done. Jared, you’ll take care of that?
JARED KUSHNER: [barely visible from behind a gigantic stack of folders] I guess, yeah, sure.
DONALD TRUMP, JR.: [exchanging pleasantries] So, did you, uh, grow up in New York?
NATALIA VESELNITSKAYA: [stares at him incredulously] Ah, no.
DONALD TRUMP, JR.: Where’d you get this stuff, anyway?
NATALIA VESELNITSKAYA: [smiles thinly] With ze help of a little magic box. There is more to come, once we have completed this first transaction. Please feel free to release zeeze, and once you have changed the party platform for us, ve vill provide more. Much more.
PAUL MANAFORT: We shouldn’t release them ourselves. Let’s do it through an intermediary.
DONALD TRUMP: Wikileaks would be perfect. I love Wikileaks.
PAUL MANAFORT: Just two hours ago you went on CNN and called them traitors.
DONALD TRUMP: I never said that.
JARED KUSHNER: For the future, we’ll need to set up some kind of back-channel communications.
NATALIA VESELNITSKAYA: [jokingly] Well, we’ve got plenty of secure lines at the Russian Consulate…
JARED KUSHNER: Yeah! That’s perfect!
NATALIA VESELNITSKAYA: [is speechless]
PAUL MANAFORT: Not to put too fine of a point on it, but you are all aware that this constitutes criminal espionage?
DONALD TRUMP, JR.: Do you have some kind of an ethical problem with that?
PAUL MANAFORT: No, no, no. No. Just want to make sure we’re all on the same page.
DONALD TRUMP: We are. From this point forward we are going to accept damaging information about the Clinton campaign that was illegally obtained by Russian intelligence services acting at the direction of Vladimir Putin in exchange for promoting policy positions that are favorable to Russian interests. Everyone understand?
DONALD TRUMP: And are on board?
DONALD TRUMP: Let’s get to work.
Cut to: a Frank Luntz focus group filled with older white Americans in MAGA hats.
TRUMP SUPPORTERS: THIS IS ALL JUST CIRCUMSTANTIAL! IT PROVES NOTHING!
Is it getting hot in here? I think it just might be. Enjoy the tunes, folks, and try to stay cool. Here’s the Spotify link.