Latest posts by Beastmode Ate My Baby (see all)
- Prisoners On The Pleasure Planet! Chapter Sixteen – May 25, 2018
- Prisoners On The Pleasure Planet! Chapter Fifteen – May 25, 2018
- Hard Ride To Nowhere: The End, No Really I Mean It This Time, Seriously, Guys, This Is It – May 18, 2018
The scene: The not-so-secret base on the Island of Doktor Zymm! Marc Trestmans Windowless Van’s van is pulling up outside, with Ballsofsteelandfury behind the wheel. He gets out, followed by Covalent Blonde, Moosemas Gorilla and Marc, and they head for the door.
Nearby, Vodkamanboris and Coquettish Blonde are hiding in the bushes. Vodkamanboris has lipstick all over his face, and Coquettish Blonde is applying a fresh coat of Party Pink lip gloss. They watch as the DFOers go into the base.
Coquettish Blonde: So, that blonde is me? Huh.
Coquettish Blonde: No makeup, no fishnets…and she was wearing a sports bra! I wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those things.
Coquettish Blonde: The one guy looked like Marc Trestmans Superbowl Trophy, but our Marc dresses much better. Who was that other guy, though?
Vodkamanboris: Don’t know.
Coquettish Blonde: And the furry one is probably Monkeyfun, right?
Vodkamanboris: Is not monkey. Is ape.
Coquettish Blonde: Whatever.
Vodkamanboris: Dey go inside. We get car now?
Coquettish Blonde and Vodkamanboris rush over to the van. They open the door, and their eyes dilate as the weed fumes pour out.
Coquettish Blonde: Wow! Well, there’s one thing I like about this dimension!
Vodkamanboris (inhaling deeply as he gets in): Da!
Coquettish Blonde (getting in the driver’s seat): Now we just have to wait for Fizz and Rikki…
Vodkamanboris: Da. We do more kiss-kiss?
Coquettish Blonde: Later. I just put on new lip gloss.
Cut to: Inside the not-so-secret base. Specifically, the cafeteria, where Doctor Deadly is having a cup of coffee and a box of Digglers Donuts with Doktor Zymm and Steve the Ninja.
Doctor Deadly: I’m just glad that coffee seems to be the same in any dimension. And just what is the frosting they use on these doughnuts?
Doktor Zymm: No vone ist quite zertain… But I did vant to ask you, vy are you here?
Doctor Deadly: Well, as I said, I was testing my Dimensional Res-
Doktor Zymm (interrupting): Ja, ja, your D.R.I.P. But vy are you really here?
Doctor Deadly: Ah, I see you are as intuitive as…well, me! You see, my good Doktor, I am looking for someone. A man who, many years ago, fled from my dimension to yours. Even as we speak, my crack operatives have hacked into your mainframe to locate this man. And once we’ve found him, we’ll…
JJ Fizz wanders by the cafeteria, then sees Doctor Deadly and rushes in to greet him.
JJ Fizz: Doc! Wow, am I glad I found you! This place is huge!
Doctor Deadly (irritated): Fizz! What are you doing here? We were supposed to meet later!
JJ Fizz: I know, but I got lost. I asked a ninja for directions but ended up on the roof. Then I got locked out so I had to wander around the base until a technician let me in. Then I tried to find the mainframe again but I found the gym instead, and I got roped into a pick-up basketball game and…
Doktor Zymm: Zo, zis ist one of your ‘crack operatives?’
Doctor Deadly (pulling a futuristic-looking gun): One does what one can with the tools at hand, Doktor Zymm. All right, hands up, the lot of you!
Doktor Zymm and Steve the Ninja put up their hands. Doctor Deadly, JJ Fizz in tow, back towards the cafeteria entrance.
Doctor Deadly: I’m sorry it has to end this way, Doktor Zymm, but…
Doctor Deadly goes silent as he backs up into a wall of fur. Still holding the gun in his right hand, he casually reaches back with his left, inadvertently patting Moosemas Gorilla on the nose. Moosemas Gorilla lets out an angry huff. JJ Fizz looks back, sees the angry ape, and faints dead away onto the floor.
Doctor Deadly (turning around): Well, this isn’t good…
Moosemas Gorilla responds by slapping the gun away and giving Doctor Deadly a backhanded smack to the head. Doctor Deadly collapses to the floor.
Moosemas Gorilla: Ook!
Covalent Blonde (entering the cafeteria): So, when did Fozz get back, and when did Rikki go psycho?
Doktor Zymm: I vill tell you vat ist going on, but first… Steve, ve have other unvanted guests on ze base.
Steve the Ninja: I’m on it!
Steve the Ninja charges out of the cafeteria as Ballsofsteelandfury and Marc Trestmans Windowless Van enter.
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Hey, Steve.
Ballsofsteelandfury: Hey, where’d Rikki get the new duds? And is that an opera cape?
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (picking up the gun off the floor): Whoa! Cool, man!
Everyone else ducks as Marc Trestmans Windowless Van holds the gun up with a grin.
Covalent Blonde: Marc, be careful! That thing’s probably loaded!
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van pulls a joint out of his pocket, then flicks the trigger on the gun. A small gout of flame shoots out of the barrel and he lights up.
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (inhaling): Like, you guys didn’t this was, like, a real gun, did you?
Cut to: Outside the base again. Coquettish Blonde is painting her toenails in Marc Trestmans Windowless Van’s van, while Vodkamanboris plays with the radio. He looks up to see ninjas rushing out of the base and toward the van.
Vodkamanboris: We should go.
Coquettish Blonde (looking up): Yikes. OK, we’ll just have to come back for the others.
Coquettish Blonde puts on her sandals, adjusts her seat, and fastens her seat belt. She looks over at Vodkamanboris.
Vodkamanboris (putting on his seat belt): OK. We go now?
Coquettish Blonde checks her mirrors as the ninjas draw closer. She starts the van. As they close on the van she taps the signal indicator for a right turn and pulls slowly out of the drive and onto the path, her hands in the ten and two positions on the steering wheel. The van doesn’t so much speed away as carefully pull onto the pathway and accelerate in a safe and sane manner.
Vodkamanboris (glancing back to see the ninjas still in pursuit): We go faster, da?
Coquettish Blonde: I’m going 20 miles per hour! There’s no need to be reckless.
As the van slowly makes its getaway, Coquettish Blonde sees two figures on the pathway and carefully applies pressure to the brake pedal, slowing the vehicle down. She veers cautiously around the two and then slowly accelerates away again.
Jerry (watching as the van continues on down the path): I was hoping they’d stop. I wanted to ask if we were close to the base.
BFC (as the group of ninjas charge over the rise): Yeah, I think we’re almost there…
To be continued…