Your “Post-London, All-American Centric” Batch of Early Afternoon NFL Games Open Thread

That’s one game under our respective onion belts. Let’s have more of this shall we? TO THE GAMES!

DEN/BUF: If the Broncs can shut down the Zeke-ster they shouldn’t have a problem with the Real McCoy should they? Fans of Denver worry about this being a ‘trap game’ but I don’t see it. Sure it was ugly but the Bills held the Panthers to only 9 points last week. Look for the league’s 2nd leading tackler, lb Ramon Humber (who?) to stick his nose in C.J. Anderson’s face.

N.O./CAR: As our own King Hippo has pointed out, qb Cam’s shoulder is nowhere near healed and this week he’s listed as questionable. If he can throw it more than ten yards he should get the win because the Saints secondary has been hot garbage ever since that Super Bowl win oh so many years ago.

PIT/CHI: Forecast: A steady rain of “WE WANT TRUTH BISCUIT!” will fall from the stands as the Bears get slowly eviscerated by the Steelers.

ATL/DET: Here’s my pick for the highest-scoring game of the one o’clock spot. Lions qb Tubby McFatterson does just enough to lose (late 4th quater pick perhaps?) a close one at home is the prediction here.

CLE/IND: WARNING: Watching this tilt puts you at an elevated risk of contracting eye-AIDS. The loser of this game is relegated to the CFL.

TB/MIN: The Bucs are still waiting on Doug Martin to return but seem to be doing okay with the trio of Sims, Barber and Rodgers splitting the work. Vikes star cb Rhodes gets a healthy helping of the near unstoppable Mike Evans this week.

HOU/NE: How about another home loss for the Pats? A guy can dream, can’t he? Stupid New England will get the usual mismatches in the passing game that they always do and will keep the Texans D off-balance. Ho hum.

MIA/NYJ: The Jets latest “longest year ever” continues. All is not extraordinarily bleak however. Wr Kearse, the afterthought that was thrown into the ‘get rid of Richardson’ deal, has caught 11 of his 15 targets and has 2 TD’s so far. Along with next year’s high draft pick the Jetskis also have a ton of cap space with which to trick/lure free agents into coming on board.

NYG/PHI: Goddamn it, I wish the Giants had a qb along the lines of Carson Wentz! HC McAdoo will continue to call all the offensive plays that the dreadful O-line won’t be able to execute. The End.

Get at it, lovelies.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
732 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
JustStopDude

And of course…Leslie, a guy from the practice squad the Browns have been ignoring and finally let up, makes an obscenely crazy catch, ODB style.

I expect the Browns to immediately send him back to the practice squad.

Redshirt

What the hells goin’ on in Chicago?!

LemonJello

The DERPENING! What a shit-show.

Smithchez

That’s some phenominal derping, Bears.

Redshirt

What did I miss in Chicago?

...

THE BEARISTOCRATS!

Unsurprised

— Bears receivers

Gratliff

Big Blue View is going to be on fire

...

That Bears play is definitely the derp of the year so far.

Horatio Cornblower

What exactly would the life-expectancy be for a kingdom with an economy based largely if not entirely on the exchange of shitty light beer?

#upforacoup
#dillydillymyass

fleshwound_NPG

Refusing to watch any Bears game until 2019 is proving to be a worthy strategy.

JustStopDude

I know no one else is watching this game…but I swear to god I have never seen a group of wide receivers drop more passes than this Browns team.

Its like Kizer pissed off all the WR’s and RB’s or something.

Brocky

switch to the bears game, put your theroy to the test

JustStopDude

Kizer is making some AMAZING throws…like fantastic throws…and it hits the receivers in the numbers and they swat the ball away. Its unreal.

LemonJello

They’re not used to on-target throws and are unsure what to do with a ball put right where it needs to be?

fleshwound_NPG

I’m watching because I have no choice, and no life.

Unsurprised

— DFO motto

Gratliff

I, for one, have always supported the league’s archaic “What is catch?” policy

Spur

Lol Giants score 2 TDs and get 0 points

Smithchez

Womp womp, Gints

Gratliff

GOALLINE STAND MOTHERFUCKERS

litre_cola

Fuck yeahhhhh take that pedo coach!

LemonJello

Bears derping up a blocked FG run back for TD. These Bears would fuck up shitting in the woods.

...

That is fucking incredible.

hippofant

Man, what the fuck is that guy even mad about? What are the refs supposed to do, ban your stupidity from the field?

LemonJello

“Make a note of that! Fines for stupidity!”

-R. Goodell, NYC

Unsurprised

Commissioner is exempt.

Unsurprised

It’s weird seeing Maeby’s tits and them turning out to look exactly as expected.

Unsurprised
...

Holy shit

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy Leon Lett

Brocky

…………………

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gratliff

He gonna get Megatron’d

Gratliff

NAWT A CATCH

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Oh, like they aren’t just attractive disease vectors.

Sharkbait

My knockout picks of Miami and Pittsburgh need to step it up.

LemonJello

People forget, the whole thing from tip to sac has to cross for the score. smh

JustStopDude

Sweet titty Christ the fucking Browns are TURRRRABLE!

They are making Frank Gore look like a young stud.

Brocky

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Kristen Bell?

Brocky

yep, its from that idiotic burlesque movie. caught part of it on cable once night. I had no idea she was in it, I just vaguely remember the advertisements with cher and christina aguilera

fleshwound_NPG

old man Goredown…so some cougar-ness

comment image

Romonobyl

OH HELL YEAH!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Mother Puncher

The original ending to Back to the Future

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

No, everything is fine.

Unsurprised

What the fuck

LemonJello

No concern that those walls could become shrapnel.

Gratliff

Safest place to be is in front of massive glass windows,, ppl forget that

Brocky

“What’s this about giant glass windows?” – Eric Clapton

Brocky

Holy Shit I am so going to hell for this

Unsurprised

So is he.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, same direction at least.

Spur

Newsflash – Houston defense is better than New Orleans

herodotus450

Well to be fair Katrina was a more powerful storm.

Romonobyl

So was the Nagasaki bomb, nevertheless…

Unsurprised

Null > Aggressive negative value with a limit approaching infinity.

Horatio Cornblower

Newsflash-Houston’s secondary leakier than New Orleans’s levee system

Brocky

Butkus>Lambert

I don’t necessarily believe that, i just enjoy pissing off steelers fans.

butkus had no fellow hall of famers on defense though

Romonobyl

This is the actual cushion that was put under my leg during my knee procedure last Friday. Not sure how I ended up taking it home, but I think I’d better start searching other areas for unknown stitches.

comment image

LemonJello

Check orifices for the cut-out bit, too, just to be safe…

King Hippo

or at least send your surgeon a nice fruit basket

Mother Puncher

I have 3 CBS channels, and they all decided to show the Browns instead of letting me see the Steelers eat shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Update from the bar: guy next to me is making his own shandies with Coors light and his lemonade or Sprite, can’t get a good look

LemonJello

Anything to make Coors Light tolerable.

Horatio Cornblower

When you’re too cheap to buy a Leininkugel’s…

herodotus450

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Mother Puncher

The first beer I ever drank was a Natty at a party in high school. I spent the rest of the party trying to hide the fact that I was mixing it with Kroger-brand Mountain Dew.

...

I swear I just heard someone say Glennon made a nice throw. Am I having a stroke? I don’t smell any toast.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

The cat was a scab.

fleshwound_NPG

The Clots, even tho it’s against Browns, look competent!

(say hey, is that an old typewriter? get outta way!)

comment image

Mother Puncher

How I feel, day after running a half-marathon

comment image

Mother Puncher

Waiting for the Bengals game to walk down to the bar with an all-Sunday happy hour.

Mother Puncher

I will never figure out how to post pictures here, and I refuse to let anybody teach me.

Spur

Trade Hodor

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gratliff

Delicious Dreamboat derp

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Cute tits

Gratliff

The Avatar reboot could use a little work

Romonobyl

Jim Cantore has put on a few pounds.

Spur

Guess Clowney likes Gyros, because that man just ate up some GOAT

Sharkbait

Well shit.

Unsurprised

Lassie Gets Busted

Horatio Cornblower

CLOWNEYDOWN!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Redshirt

Fox Announcer: “Maybe they [Eagles] try to draw them offsides.”

Its 4th & 8. I don’t think the Giants will be drawn off twice in a row.

LemonJello

Well, it IS the Jints.

LemonJello

Commercial break.
comment image

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll buy two!

Unsurprised

So did she.