Your “You Know What Time It Is And You Want Me To Do What?” Open Thread

As you are reading this, it is 6:00 AM on a Sunday morning on the West Coast.

No one should be up this early to do anything unless they are completely naked and they have someone else of like mind lying next to them.

I hope you are one of those lucky few.

For the rest of us, this is the mandatory sex-ed class that you had to attend in middle school:  You pretty much already know how it’s going to go, you really don’t want to pay attention, but you have to be here because it’s required.

Also, someone is going to turn what is realistically one of the best things about life and turn it into a boring shitshow that will make you never want to partake of it.

We have the (/checks listings) Baltimore Ravens taking on the Jacksonville Jaguars in lovely London.  Fun fact:  I was watching a porn clip yesterday featuring a “British” actress and I have to say the accent threw me off.  I also did not realize the British were so much into anal, but there you go.

Ok, so who’s excited for this game?!?!

That’s tough, but fair.

Remember kids, unless you live in northern Florida or the Washington/Baltimore corridor, this game is only streaming on Yahoo.  Now, drink like you know you want to.  Oh, and here is the link to the 506 Sports broadcast maps. Those guys are truly doing the Lord’s work.

Which reminds me, you might want to go to church today and atone for your sins.  Yom Kippur is coming too, so that’s even more atonement.

You dirty dirty Commentists!

Ok, begin!

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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scotchnaut

The early afternoon thread is up and running. (to the beer store)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

Beth Mowins gets CLE/IND, because heaven forbid a woman commentate a decent game again.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

We mustn’t upset the mensies.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THEY ATTRACT BEARS! FACT!

Spur
Spur

i took Cam.

scotchnaut

I think I will as well.

herodotus450
herodotus450

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Oh man hook this right to my nuts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Amp needs to prepare his anus!

scotchnaut

Does I take Cam vs. NO or Jameis vs. Minny? I know he’s hurt but the Saints stink.

King Hippo

roll w/ Cam, the Saints are that bad. And TB could limit Rapey Jameis attempts due to the Keenum factor

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I am too migrainey to go into outside world FOAR Donks/Bills. RedZone shall have to do.

litre_cola

Mix weed with pills?

King Hippo

weed is a trigger for me, as are 70% of the nice things in life

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

This is me.

litre_cola

Fulham mention!!!!!

King Hippo

Where abouts in the Table you be?

litre_cola

Not good Hippo, not good.

Senor Weaselo

See, what I should have done is just not sleep at all and catch this game. I see it’s 44-0… Jaguras? What the F-Type is that?

Shogun Marcus

They took the top down and convertibled all over the place.

King Hippo

GODDAMNIT BUCK

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus

Huhuhuhuhuhuh! Be vewy vewy qwiet…

King Hippo

THAT’S NOT BUCK

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Someone needs to shoot James Lofton.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

was he kneeling too?

litre_cola

“Did you know that in London they call soccer football?”

FUCK YOU LOFTON

laserguru

On a related note, Ryan Braun is a wad of infectious penile discharge.

As you were.

Shogun Marcus

What he do?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Seriously, 44-0? What did the Jags eat for breakfast?

King Hippo

Joe Flacco

litre_cola

Well a common breakfast at the hotel I worked at were poached haddock, and grilled kippers. Serving these with a raging hangover was not fun.

Spur
Spur

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scotchnaut

I’m guessing the Ravens had humble pie.

King Hippo

Brighton up on Barcodes. YAY!!!

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

CBS got Charles Barkley.

This whole saga is straight up amazing.

King Hippo

yahoo trying to sell fantasy basketball

/that would require me to acknowledge “the association” as a sport

//why not fantasy WWE? At least that admits what it is.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“In retrospect, I should have spent that $40,000 on Escort School.”

Spur
Spur

Blake Bortles and Jared Goff’s teams combined for 85 points this week

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I felt S-M-R-T re starting Baby Buster until Scotchy topped me with Marcedes Boy.

Yet to hear from any Bort backers.

King Hippo

Buck crosses the coveted 7-point mark. HUZZAH!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Jesus. What the fuck, Baltimore?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

Fox and CBS hotteak time

King Hippo

oh, I bet Bradshaw is ON FAAAHHR

King Hippo

check down to Buck. EVERY GODDAMNED PLAY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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laserguru

That’s an ELITE benching.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

THESE JAGUARS, I CALL THEM TAYLOR SWIFT BECAUSE LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE THEM DO.

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Flacco’s performance is part of the kneeling thing. He wants to stand up for the rights of African Americans and he thinks its utter bullshit that Kaep can’t get a job.

So he laid a goose egg in England on the largest stage possible.

Its kind of bold and beautiful when you think about it.

Spur
Spur

Ravens are a bunch of wankers

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Boys and gals,

Please wish that the Jaguars put up 62. If they do, perhaps that will release the demon that clearly was placed on the LOLphins and they can regain their D.

The NFL is a better place when Miami is an annual contender. Think about someone actually being able to take down the Pats in the AFC East.

#Thankyougodbless

King Hippo

u have Catler, he is ALL THINGS

Bortleback
Bortleback

Who’s got some garbage time for Ryan Mallett?!

herodotus450
herodotus450

If no one does a “London tower guards walking/crossing” touchdown celebration, what is the point of these London games?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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laserguru

Not sure I can handle this much Jacksonville competence.

Sharkbait

Darkest Timeline confirmed.

King Hippo

You know, travel all this way to give your home fans a proper tie…and the opponent doesn’t bother showing up. RUB THEIR NOSES IN THEIR SHITE, jammy fucks.

blaxabbath

Running a fake punt when up 37-0 used to be considered classless. Now it’s ‘Modern Day Presidential’.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Jaguars going for the aggregate points tiebreaker.

blaxabbath

What is your image?

King Hippo

I’m guessing electrical engineering or sommet

herodotus450
herodotus450
herodotus450
herodotus450
Gratliff

That’s a lot less occult-y than I was thinking

Spur
Spur

Love it, Jags. Shit straight down their throats. You’ve earned it.

King Hippo

QuadDOWN, Marcedes Boy?

scotchnaut

Whew! I don’t think I could stand another one.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

“They pulled the ol’Bullary!”