Your “You Know What Time It Is And You Want Me To Do What?” Open Thread

As you are reading this, it is 6:00 AM on a Sunday morning on the West Coast.

No one should be up this early to do anything unless they are completely naked and they have someone else of like mind lying next to them.

I hope you are one of those lucky few.

For the rest of us, this is the mandatory sex-ed class that you had to attend in middle school:  You pretty much already know how it’s going to go, you really don’t want to pay attention, but you have to be here because it’s required.

Also, someone is going to turn what is realistically one of the best things about life and turn it into a boring shitshow that will make you never want to partake of it.

We have the (/checks listings) Baltimore Ravens taking on the Jacksonville Jaguars in lovely London.  Fun fact:  I was watching a porn clip yesterday featuring a “British” actress and I have to say the accent threw me off.  I also did not realize the British were so much into anal, but there you go.

Ok, so who’s excited for this game?!?!

That’s tough, but fair.

Remember kids, unless you live in northern Florida or the Washington/Baltimore corridor, this game is only streaming on Yahoo.  Now, drink like you know you want to.  Oh, and here is the link to the 506 Sports broadcast maps. Those guys are truly doing the Lord’s work.

Which reminds me, you might want to go to church today and atone for your sins.  Yom Kippur is coming too, so that’s even more atonement.

You dirty dirty Commentists!

Ok, begin!

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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scotchnaut
Member

The early afternoon thread is up and running. (to the beer store)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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fleshwound_NPG
Member
fleshwound_NPG

Beth Mowins gets CLE/IND, because heaven forbid a woman commentate a decent game again.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

We mustn’t upset the mensies.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THEY ATTRACT BEARS! FACT!

Spur
Member
Spur

i took Cam.

scotchnaut
Member

I think I will as well.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Oh man hook this right to my nuts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Amp needs to prepare his anus!

scotchnaut
Member

Does I take Cam vs. NO or Jameis vs. Minny? I know he’s hurt but the Saints stink.

King Hippo
Member

roll w/ Cam, the Saints are that bad. And TB could limit Rapey Jameis attempts due to the Keenum factor

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo
Member

I am too migrainey to go into outside world FOAR Donks/Bills. RedZone shall have to do.

litre_cola
Member

Mix weed with pills?

King Hippo
Member

weed is a trigger for me, as are 70% of the nice things in life

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

This is me.

litre_cola
Member

Fulham mention!!!!!

King Hippo
Member

Where abouts in the Table you be?

litre_cola
Member

Not good Hippo, not good.

Senor Weaselo
Member

See, what I should have done is just not sleep at all and catch this game. I see it’s 44-0… Jaguras? What the F-Type is that?

Shogun Marcus
Member

They took the top down and convertibled all over the place.

King Hippo
Member

GODDAMNIT BUCK

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus
Member

Huhuhuhuhuhuh! Be vewy vewy qwiet…

King Hippo
Member

THAT’S NOT BUCK

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola
Member

Someone needs to shoot James Lofton.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Member
Spur

was he kneeling too?

litre_cola
Member

“Did you know that in London they call soccer football?”

FUCK YOU LOFTON

laserguru
Member

On a related note, Ryan Braun is a wad of infectious penile discharge.

As you were.

Shogun Marcus
Member

What he do?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Seriously, 44-0? What did the Jags eat for breakfast?

King Hippo
Member

Joe Flacco

litre_cola
Member

Well a common breakfast at the hotel I worked at were poached haddock, and grilled kippers. Serving these with a raging hangover was not fun.

Spur
Member
Spur

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scotchnaut
Member

I’m guessing the Ravens had humble pie.

King Hippo
Member

Brighton up on Barcodes. YAY!!!

fleshwound_NPG
Member
fleshwound_NPG

CBS got Charles Barkley.

This whole saga is straight up amazing.

King Hippo
Member

yahoo trying to sell fantasy basketball

/that would require me to acknowledge “the association” as a sport

//why not fantasy WWE? At least that admits what it is.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut
Member

“In retrospect, I should have spent that $40,000 on Escort School.”

Spur
Member
Spur

Blake Bortles and Jared Goff’s teams combined for 85 points this week

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo
Member

I felt S-M-R-T re starting Baby Buster until Scotchy topped me with Marcedes Boy.

Yet to hear from any Bort backers.

King Hippo
Member

Buck crosses the coveted 7-point mark. HUZZAH!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Jesus. What the fuck, Baltimore?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Member
Spur

Fox and CBS hotteak time

King Hippo
Member

oh, I bet Bradshaw is ON FAAAHHR

King Hippo
Member

check down to Buck. EVERY GODDAMNED PLAY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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laserguru
Member

That’s an ELITE benching.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla
Member

THESE JAGUARS, I CALL THEM TAYLOR SWIFT BECAUSE LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE THEM DO.

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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Flacco’s performance is part of the kneeling thing. He wants to stand up for the rights of African Americans and he thinks its utter bullshit that Kaep can’t get a job.

So he laid a goose egg in England on the largest stage possible.

Its kind of bold and beautiful when you think about it.

Spur
Member
Spur

Ravens are a bunch of wankers

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla
Member

Boys and gals,

Please wish that the Jaguars put up 62. If they do, perhaps that will release the demon that clearly was placed on the LOLphins and they can regain their D.

The NFL is a better place when Miami is an annual contender. Think about someone actually being able to take down the Pats in the AFC East.

#Thankyougodbless

King Hippo
Member

u have Catler, he is ALL THINGS

Bortleback
Member
Bortleback

Who’s got some garbage time for Ryan Mallett?!

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

If no one does a “London tower guards walking/crossing” touchdown celebration, what is the point of these London games?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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laserguru
Member

Not sure I can handle this much Jacksonville competence.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Darkest Timeline confirmed.

King Hippo
Member

You know, travel all this way to give your home fans a proper tie…and the opponent doesn’t bother showing up. RUB THEIR NOSES IN THEIR SHITE, jammy fucks.

blaxabbath
Member

Running a fake punt when up 37-0 used to be considered classless. Now it’s ‘Modern Day Presidential’.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Jaguars going for the aggregate points tiebreaker.

blaxabbath
Member

What is your image?

King Hippo
Member

I’m guessing electrical engineering or sommet

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450
herodotus450
Member
herodotus450
Gratliff
Member

That’s a lot less occult-y than I was thinking

Spur
Member
Spur

Love it, Jags. Shit straight down their throats. You’ve earned it.

King Hippo
Member

QuadDOWN, Marcedes Boy?

scotchnaut
Member

Whew! I don’t think I could stand another one.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

“They pulled the ol’Bullary!”