Your “You Know What Time It Is And You Want Me To Do What?” Open Thread

As you are reading this, it is 6:00 AM on a Sunday morning on the West Coast.

No one should be up this early to do anything unless they are completely naked and they have someone else of like mind lying next to them.

I hope you are one of those lucky few.

For the rest of us, this is the mandatory sex-ed class that you had to attend in middle school:  You pretty much already know how it’s going to go, you really don’t want to pay attention, but you have to be here because it’s required.

Also, someone is going to turn what is realistically one of the best things about life and turn it into a boring shitshow that will make you never want to partake of it.

We have the (/checks listings) Baltimore Ravens taking on the Jacksonville Jaguars in lovely London.  Fun fact:  I was watching a porn clip yesterday featuring a “British” actress and I have to say the accent threw me off.  I also did not realize the British were so much into anal, but there you go.

Ok, so who’s excited for this game?!?!

That’s tough, but fair.

Remember kids, unless you live in northern Florida or the Washington/Baltimore corridor, this game is only streaming on Yahoo.  Now, drink like you know you want to.  Oh, and here is the link to the 506 Sports broadcast maps. Those guys are truly doing the Lord’s work.

Which reminds me, you might want to go to church today and atone for your sins.  Yom Kippur is coming too, so that’s even more atonement.

You dirty dirty Commentists!

Ok, begin!

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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scotchnaut
Member

Every day there are 4 car deaths in Canada involving drugs/alcohol:

That’s only 40% people. We can do better than that-just two more a day would get it up to 60%! We’ve got to try harder.

litre_cola
Member

How many of those are hitting animals in NFLD and Northern Ontario?

scotchnaut
Member

They say that raccoons are smart but I see them napping on the side of the road on a daily basis.

fleshwound_NPG
Member
fleshwound_NPG

This week was my first days off since mid-late July. This is my last day off until mid-late November.

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litre_cola
Member

Dude that is too much unless you run a convenience store, in that case gimme my smokes!

scotchnaut
Member

Metaphorically, that work schedule is more than a flesh wound.

/but hey, you don’t want Cinnamon to take over your street corner
//she’s such a conniving bitch!

blaxabbath
Member

What are you, the guy in charge of making sure Trump doesn’t get the real nuke codes?

blaxabbath
Member

NFL on Yahoo is like when March Madness starts and I tune in and think, “So TruTV is still around then, huh?”

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

They played the English national anthem before the game too, right?

King Hippo
Member

yeah, everybody stood up

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

ppl forget the slave trade happenede under english rule, so it’s really all their fault.

litre_cola
Member

God Save he Queen. And not the Sex Pistols one.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

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Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Starting Buck Allen looks to have been a terrible decision.

scotchnaut
Member

His real name is Bucktavious…

King Hippo
Member

especially considering I saw that Perine was starting tonight and could have switched (I have Perine in both leagues)

litre_cola
Member

I hear you loud and clear Sharky

blaxabbath
Member

“I will pay the fine of any defensive star who targets KNEELING JOE FLACCO! Refs should not even flag it! NOT ELITE! SAD!”

-Donald Julian Trump

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Hey Ravens…you only have to take a knee during the National Anthem…you aren’t supposed through the entire game.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Does anyone have a link to the British feed because these two announcers are killing me…

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

If football took after baseball and had different shaped and sized fields everywhere, what would London look like?

blaxabbath
Member

Meters.

litre_cola
Member

Even we don’t do that up here, but you could put a Burger King in our endzones.

/thoughts of Don T, hope he is ok.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Morning. Where’s the bourbon?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I think I get why the Jags want to move the England…Its like they are a completely different team.

litre_cola
Member

Plus a few NFL owners also own Premier League clubs, and Fulham.

Bortleback
Member
Bortleback

As one of those european types, I enjoy there being football while it’s still bright outside

litre_cola
Member

I knew I would be up with Decilitre so I am quite pleased there is footbaw on right now.

King Hippo
Member

If you are starting to think you need to roll the dice a bit, would you bench Kearse or Duke Johnson for Perine (fat Rob Kelley is apparently gonna be inactive tonight)? Originally planned to sit Perine.

scotchnaut
Member

I’ll go with litre-Kearse has been playing well.

litre_cola
Member

bench Duke. He will split carries with Crowell.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Jags winning? Is Bourtles playing good? Is Bourtles even playing?

blaxabbath
Member

Love America? That’s why they will win.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Ah that explains it, he’s playing for his right to get back into the country.
/Hoping that was a fake tweet

litre_cola
Member

That is good U usage.

scotchnaut
Member

Jags game plan is much better than I anticipated.

litre_cola
Member

Ted Ginn or Kamara the Ugandan head hunter in my flex position, non ppr.

King Hippo
Member

Do kick return scores count? If so, I guess hold your nose and go Ginn.

litre_cola
Member

A score would count, but Ginn scores as much as the commentist party.

King Hippo
Member

it’s unlikely, but possible and Kamara’s main use is PPR

scotchnaut
Member

Not that this is relevant, but I hate Ted Ginn Jr.

/would probably hate his dad too

King Hippo
Member

anyone have the Khan “PREPARE YOUR ANUS” gif handy? Seems apt

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I would love to ask a Jacksonville fan if they want Bortles to just suck so the team will move on or would they like to seem him become…adequate?

But its a moot point since Jacksonville fans don’t actually exist.

scotchnaut
Member

Little Red Fournette-baby, he’s much too fast.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

(Slips in through back door (heh, door), crawls under everyone’s desk to avoid Hippo’s office, slides into chair, smoothly turns to the camera)
Heh, yeah, “mandatory.”

litre_cola
Member

If you are east coast you have no excuse for your tardiness Mr.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

I couldn’t help it: Something happened on the way to this (internet) forum!

scotchnaut
Member

Now there’s an obscure pull!

Brocky
Member
Brocky
Member

sees banner image

Da fuck balls, just cuz your the cool kid, you can steal my image that I stole from someone else?

You’ve earned yourself a swift kick in the, well, balls. I’ve got composite toe boots

J/k, giving God the bird is a pretty universal concept

scotchnaut
Member

Who played Lewis against his better judgerment? ME!!!

WOOOOO!!!!

King Hippo
Member

that’s fookin’ impressive

scotchnaut
Member

Had a weirdo feeling…

scotchnaut
Member

…and my te spot is garbage.

King Hippo
Member

oh they wanna ride their Marcedes Boy?

litre_cola
Member

I need me some Jarvorious.

King Hippo
Member

SAME!

/though I am ahead 84-nil thanks to RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!

King Hippo
Member

Flacco has apparently been unable to get his Wonder Bread and Lite Mayo sammiches on this side of the pond, he is clearly not happy to be there.

litre_cola
Member

If he likes bland food he is in the homeland. I fucking love London for other reasons. Any ethnicity of food you can get it. It is heaven, plus the curries.

Col. Duke LaCross
Member

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIawwwwww Christ, my head.

Hangovers in your twenties suck. When you’re 38, they’re the worst. Also games at 7:30 AM are dumb, and I’m even dumber for watching it.

litre_cola
Member

Baileys and coffee my good colonel.

scotchnaut
Member

I think a bunch of us are completing The Circle Of Dumb this morning.

King Hippo
Member

Even worse, continuing a weekend-long migraine cycle. I get the feeling without the fun of the prior sinning.

Tis fully pill-resistant, too.

scotchnaut
Member

Well, guys-Chris Hogan or Rishard Higgins?

King Hippo
Member

upside – Higgins, baseline security – Hogan

litre_cola
Member

Get Higgy with it.

/Sorry, its early.

litre_cola
Member

My fear Hippo is with Khan owning both Fulham and Jaguras that he will move said Jaguras there and Fulham will leave the cozy confines of Craven Cottage for some new fangled stadium.

King Hippo
Member

I just like to see the Jaguras so much more comfortable back home. I’m not sure a hybrid stadium would really hold up to the week in/week out wear, so maybe would just result in Khan putting more terror moneys into the Cottagers?

litre_cola
Member

Tottenham’s new stadium is meant for both Spursday Nights and the NFL.

King Hippo
Member

huh, did not know that.

litre_cola
Member
scotchnaut
Member

No baking-oriented mysteries on the tube-may as well watch the game.

technodanvan
Member
technodanvan

That is a very low bar to overcome.

scotchnaut
Member

I’m a big fan of the genre.

King Hippo
Member

home crowd, represent! Fulham in da house.

litre_cola
Member

As long as Millwall supporters arent at Wembley there should be no violence.

King Hippo
Member

poor Jaguras, fucking up the kickoff

King Hippo
Member

I’d say everybody on both sidelines just sent the Fuhrer a message.

technodanvan
Member
technodanvan

Unfortunately, the Fuhrer just heard “purple monkey I HATE AMERICA dishwasher”

King Hippo
Member

hey, if it strokes him out and gets that finger off the button

scotchnaut
Member

litre_cola
Member

Reporting for duty.

King Hippo
Member

Huzzah! Order of Lenin FOAR you!!

/also an Alex Flanigan appearance on sidelines has been promised, they should have promoted that

King Hippo
Member

hooray, stream is working…adequately!

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

God we are pathetic creatures. I need to start going to gambler anonymous meetings again…

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