As you are reading this, it is 6:00 AM on a Sunday morning on the West Coast.
No one should be up this early to do anything unless they are completely naked and they have someone else of like mind lying next to them.
I hope you are one of those lucky few.
For the rest of us, this is the mandatory sex-ed class that you had to attend in middle school: You pretty much already know how it’s going to go, you really don’t want to pay attention, but you have to be here because it’s required.
Also, someone is going to turn what is realistically one of the best things about life and turn it into a boring shitshow that will make you never want to partake of it.
We have the (/checks listings) Baltimore Ravens taking on the Jacksonville Jaguars in lovely London. Fun fact: I was watching a porn clip yesterday featuring a “British” actress and I have to say the accent threw me off. I also did not realize the British were so much into anal, but there you go.
Ok, so who’s excited for this game?!?!
That’s tough, but fair.
Remember kids, unless you live in northern Florida or the Washington/Baltimore corridor, this game is only streaming on Yahoo. Now, drink like you know you want to. Oh, and here is the link to the 506 Sports broadcast maps. Those guys are truly doing the Lord’s work.
Which reminds me, you might want to go to church today and atone for your sins. Yom Kippur is coming too, so that’s even more atonement.
You dirty dirty Commentists!
Ok, begin!
Henne? How am I supposed to add a U to that?
Chad Henne?!
Bengals got blown out by Ravens.
Therefore, Bengals worse than Ravens.
Ravens are getting blown out by Jaguars.
Therefore, Ravens are worse then Jaguars.
If Bengals are worse then Ravens, and Ravens are worse than Jaguars,
Then Bengals are worse than Jaguars?!
(crack)
Aw, great. Now I’ve gone insane again.
http://bobandgeorge.com/archives/051223c
Is Joe Flacco bollocks?
Thank fuck the league I am playing Buck in is full PPR.
Flacco can’t even garbage-time check down.
O’Shaughnessy? Grumblelord gets an erection.
Pretty sure he was already cut by the Pats.
Stupid beer store doesn’t open until stupid noon. How can I drink in the morning if I can’t buy alcohol in the morning? Explain that to me, Eisenstein!
Beer store here doesn’t open at all. Because the land of Fat Humpia is stuck in 1956.
How far do you have to drive to get the precious brown liquid?
Illinois border is about 45+ min away. Luckily, got a full bottle of Jack still.
I hear you. My work has thing thing about people drinking on the job. I dont know why.
One assumes all the Ravens folk in attendance are dodging warrants, yeah?
That’s what they’re told. You know they can’t read.
why is Canyanero playing slot instead of kicking now??
yes! 0.2 FOAR Buck!!
The Wembley PA guy playing Pennywise. They do a lot of things better over there.
Fuck yes.
/opens eyes
//wipes drool off
///sees there are two open threads
////sees Jaguars are beating the Ravens easily
Every day there are 4 car deaths in Canada involving drugs/alcohol:
That’s only 40% people. We can do better than that-just two more a day would get it up to 60%! We’ve got to try harder.
How many of those are hitting animals in NFLD and Northern Ontario?
NFL Development League ARE animals! You can be let into the USA, Litre!
– D. Trump
Sweet, in 15 years I will be a snow mexican!
/looks at Decilitre, make that 20!
They say that raccoons are smart but I see them napping on the side of the road on a daily basis.
Hey, sorry I dickstepped. I didn’t know you were pulling early early duty too. Do you want any candy corn M&Ms?
I should check in on Slack more often. It’s not a big deal.
This week was my first days off since mid-late July. This is my last day off until mid-late November.
What are you, the guy in charge of making sure Trump doesn’t get the real nuke codes?
Metaphorically, that work schedule is more than a flesh wound.
/but hey, you don’t want Cinnamon to take over your street corner
//she’s such a conniving bitch!
Dude that is too much unless you run a convenience store, in that case gimme my smokes!
NFL on Yahoo is like when March Madness starts and I tune in and think, “So TruTV is still around then, huh?”
They played the English national anthem before the game too, right?
God Save he Queen. And not the Sex Pistols one.
yeah, everybody stood up
ppl forget the slave trade happenede under english rule, so it’s really all their fault.
Starting Buck Allen looks to have been a terrible decision.
I hear you loud and clear Sharky
especially considering I saw that Perine was starting tonight and could have switched (I have Perine in both leagues)
His real name is Bucktavious…
“I will pay the fine of any defensive star who targets KNEELING JOE FLACCO! Refs should not even flag it! NOT ELITE! SAD!”
-Donald Julian Trump
Hey Ravens…you only have to take a knee during the National Anthem…you aren’t supposed through the entire game.
Does anyone have a link to the British feed because these two announcers are killing me…
If football took after baseball and had different shaped and sized fields everywhere, what would London look like?
Meters.
Even we don’t do that up here, but you could put a Burger King in our endzones.
/thoughts of Don T, hope he is ok.
Morning. Where’s the bourbon?
I think I get why the Jags want to move the England…Its like they are a completely different team.
Plus a few NFL owners also own Premier League clubs, and Fulham.
As one of those european types, I enjoy there being football while it’s still bright outside
I knew I would be up with Decilitre so I am quite pleased there is footbaw on right now.
If you are starting to think you need to roll the dice a bit, would you bench Kearse or Duke Johnson for Perine (fat Rob Kelley is apparently gonna be inactive tonight)? Originally planned to sit Perine.
bench Duke. He will split carries with Crowell.
I’ll go with litre-Kearse has been playing well.
Jags winning? Is Bourtles playing good? Is Bourtles even playing?
That is good U usage.
Love America? That’s why they will win.
Ah that explains it, he’s playing for his right to get back into the country.
/Hoping that was a fake tweet
Jags game plan is much better than I anticipated.
Ted Ginn or Kamara the Ugandan head hunter in my flex position, non ppr.
Not that this is relevant, but I hate Ted Ginn Jr.
/would probably hate his dad too
Do kick return scores count? If so, I guess hold your nose and go Ginn.
A score would count, but Ginn scores as much as the commentist party.
it’s unlikely, but possible and Kamara’s main use is PPR
anyone have the Khan “PREPARE YOUR ANUS” gif handy? Seems apt
I would love to ask a Jacksonville fan if they want Bortles to just suck so the team will move on or would they like to seem him become…adequate?
But its a moot point since Jacksonville fans don’t actually exist.
Little Red Fournette-baby, he’s much too fast.
(Slips in through back door (heh, door), crawls under everyone’s desk to avoid Hippo’s office, slides into chair, smoothly turns to the camera)
Heh, yeah, “mandatory.”
If you are east coast you have no excuse for your tardiness Mr.
I couldn’t help it: Something happened on the way to this (internet) forum!
Now there’s an obscure pull!
https://youtu.be/0nTx5Y64Y1U
sees banner image
Da fuck balls, just cuz your the cool kid, you can steal my image that I stole from someone else?
You’ve earned yourself a swift kick in the, well, balls. I’ve got composite toe boots
J/k, giving God the bird is a pretty universal concept
Who played Lewis against his better judgerment? ME!!!
WOOOOO!!!!
that’s fookin’ impressive
Had a weirdo feeling…
…and my te spot is garbage.
oh they wanna ride their Marcedes Boy?
I need me some Jarvorious.
SAME!
/though I am ahead 84-nil thanks to RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!
Flacco has apparently been unable to get his Wonder Bread and Lite Mayo sammiches on this side of the pond, he is clearly not happy to be there.
If he likes bland food he is in the homeland. I fucking love London for other reasons. Any ethnicity of food you can get it. It is heaven, plus the curries.
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIawwwwww Christ, my head.
Hangovers in your twenties suck. When you’re 38, they’re the worst. Also games at 7:30 AM are dumb, and I’m even dumber for watching it.
I think a bunch of us are completing The Circle Of Dumb this morning.
Even worse, continuing a weekend-long migraine cycle. I get the feeling without the fun of the prior sinning.
Tis fully pill-resistant, too.
Baileys and coffee my good colonel.
Well, guys-Chris Hogan or Rishard Higgins?
Get Higgy with it.
/Sorry, its early.
upside – Higgins, baseline security – Hogan
My fear Hippo is with Khan owning both Fulham and Jaguras that he will move said Jaguras there and Fulham will leave the cozy confines of Craven Cottage for some new fangled stadium.
I just like to see the Jaguras so much more comfortable back home. I’m not sure a hybrid stadium would really hold up to the week in/week out wear, so maybe would just result in Khan putting more terror moneys into the Cottagers?
Tottenham’s new stadium is meant for both Spursday Nights and the NFL.
huh, did not know that.
http://new-stadium.tottenhamhotspur.com/nfl/
No baking-oriented mysteries on the tube-may as well watch the game.
That is a very low bar to overcome.
I’m a big fan of the genre.
home crowd, represent! Fulham in da house.
As long as Millwall supporters arent at Wembley there should be no violence.
poor Jaguras, fucking up the kickoff
I’d say everybody on both sidelines just sent the Fuhrer a message.
Unfortunately, the Fuhrer just heard “purple monkey I HATE AMERICA dishwasher”
hey, if it strokes him out and gets that finger off the button
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISFgE2njlfo
Reporting for duty.
Huzzah! Order of Lenin FOAR you!!
/also an Alex Flanigan appearance on sidelines has been promised, they should have promoted that
hooray, stream is working…adequately!
God we are pathetic creatures. I need to start going to gambler anonymous meetings again…