Your “Let’s Go, Go, Go!” Early Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Hey there, welcome fellow shenanigan-creators, maker-uppers of hilarious quips typing bots kinda of people. (“nice word salad, scotch”) Here we are again to have all kinds of hijinks while watching a whole bunch of quality games! [looks at slate] Oof! Well, we’ll make the best of it, won’t we? It looks to me as though BLEERG gave derp! the old “Bill Cosby Special” and they had a baby together. Nothing good can come of carnal relations in a McDonald’s parking lot at 3am. You can trust the experiences of innumerable teenagers on this. Let’s go… TO THE GAMES!

SF/Ind: BANG! Right out of the gate-disappointment. Here are two intensely bad squads that are going nowhere and are disobeying the speed limit while doing so. Hell, I can’t even watch my favourite hard-ass 70’s police detective that fell into a time machine and ended up as a Colts tight end in 2017. (“Jesus Christ, Doyle-you pull one more stunt like that and I’ll bust you down to the parking ticket division! Are we clear?”)

Buf/Cin: How are the Bills 3-1? As near as I can figure, it involves some psychological chicanery. What they do is show up for the game in Buffalo Bills uniforms and that instantly puts the opposing team at ease. (“Those guys again? This’ll be a piece of cake.”) Then, during the course of the contest they do all kinds of unBill-like stuff. Ta-da. Victory.

Ari/Phi: Both these fellas are coming off squeaker-type wins. Expect Philly to give the Cards a healthy dose of the Blount because fellow rb Smallwood is down for the count. Palmer’s penchant for picks continues unabated-he’s got 5 so far.

LAC/NYG: Wooo! This one is really ripe! It’s the Lawnclippers versus the Giant Turds coming at ya. Two O’fer oafish sides with not a single V between them-the less said about this one the better. MOVING ON.

Jax/Pit: Like any youngster of a team trying to find its way, when the Jags are on point they don’t give up very many-max one score. When things are off they give up 37 to the Titans and 23 to the Jets.

NYJ/Cle: For a while there the Jets were in second place in the AFC East because they had the tie-breaker over the Pats. Those four glorious days will likely be the highlight of their season. The Browns problem-as always-is that they can’t find a way to win at the Factory or away from it.

Car/Det: These two 3-1 squadees look like they could be headed for the post-season. Detroit already has a win against Minny and the Bears don’t look to be anything at all. How they fare vs. the Packers will be the decider of their playoff viability. If Cam has turned the corner injury-wise it should be smooth sailing for them Panthers.

Ten/Mia: The Fins have scored all of two field goals the last two weeks WEAK! The Texans (the Texans!) put up 57 points against the Titans just last week. NEXT!

Oh. There is no next game. Well, there’s your half-assed, ill-informed game previews that you barely scanned. It was a pleasure.

You know what you must do now, right? Atta boy!

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blaxabbath

Listening to an interview with Marco Rubio and he does not give two shits about citizens. He is 100% about the career/competitor/theater of the sport. He never ever talks about campaigning as anything other than a competition. That he only sees Trump as a competitor, not as someone with whom there are ANY ethical disagreement.

Gratliff

Oh Elisha

WCS

Eli only gets spinach for dinner.

LemonJello
LemonJello

And no comic books after his bath.

King Hippo

Losing at home to the Shitty Clippers. Yikes.

Redshirt

Biscuitception! The tie is live. The tie is live!

King Hippo

BLEERGH wants it

King Hippo

stretching for the pylon is stupid, example #1,529

Redshirt

Per NFL rules, any player with an eligible number can play WR.

blaxabbath

Surprised we don’t have more 69s out there.

Spur
Spur

How hurt is OBJ?

Redshirt

It looked bad. His ankle got pined. He was sobbing openly when he was carted off.

blaxabbath

You’d have thought they were gonna make him go down on Leena Dunham.

Col. Duke LaCross

They brought out one of those weird curtains that they break out when a horse goes down on the track when they were trying to get him off the field.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Very

Spur
Spur

Ram IT!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I’m playing Mrs Sharkbait this week. She’s angry at the Giants. I’m angry she started Melvin Gordon.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Eli looks like he can’t decide between Snake Eyes or Storm Shadow for his Halloween costume.

Spur
Spur

His mom already got him the Pirate costume.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Which NY team is tanking this season?

Shogun Marcus

Yes.

Spur
Spur

Super Chargers!

WCS

This ends in a Marmalard pick-six, or a blocked field goal, right?

LemonJello
LemonJello

In the distance; femur drums rumble interspersed with peals of thunder…

Redshirt

Can Kaep play WR?

King Hippo

Elisha WOMP WOMP

Shogun Marcus

Oh sweet jebus. Unless they amputate in the locker room, S.T.F.U. Odell. Pick a hair color. You’ve got time.

Redshirt

Tonight on Football in America:

“Who got hurt tonight?”
comment image

King Hippo

Lookit that RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!

WCS

And now Odell Beckham’s ankle just went asplody. Giants are going to have to play Elisha at WR now.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Giants WR Apocalypse continues. Beckham ded

LemonJello
LemonJello

They called out the meat wagon, that’s never a good sign.

Redshirt

Down to 1 WR?

King Hippo

Cue the “everyone dies” Morrissey song

King Hippo

Cam completes the game winner. Sad Lions.

<3 you, FOOTBAW

WCS

James Brown just called them the Los Angeles Clippers.

WE’RE FAMOUS

King Hippo

and u noe he thought “SHITTY”

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

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