Your Second Round of NFL Action Open Thread

Are we feeling a wee bit boozy/dizzy/pilly/queasy/silly yet? If you’re not you’ve got some work to do, my friend. There’s still a ton of the football left that you can use as an excuse to do what you will. Take advantage. Lock that kid in his room. Take off those damn pants. Open up that bag of (chocolate) chips. The living room is your oyster! TO THE GAMES!

Bal/Oak: What gives? Why does Derek Carr derive so much joy in derailing a promising Raiders season? Was he not molested enough as a child? Whatever went wrong, there’s something not right in that kid’s head (or back, whatever) Actually, he was limited in practice this week and was willing to give it a go but the Oakland braintrust rightfully put the kibosh on that notion. Enter E to the J Manuel. [sound of balloon losing air] How does an offense switch from a capable signal-caller to a proven turnover- and mistake-prone dude that hasn’t sniffed an NFL start since ’14? [pulls sofa closer to tv] Let’s watch. I’m saying the Ravens D rules the roost today.

Sea/LAR: When you go to Jared (Goff) you get over a thousand yards passing and a 7/1 TD/INT stat. Is he available in both my money leagues? Yes. [makes clickety-clicking noises at the ‘puter] No. He is not. If he plays well against the Seasquawkers he’ll be snapped up and you’ll have missed the Goff boat. Be like me and catch your fellow fantasy opponents napping. This is the latest installment in the series, “Scotchnaut advice that could potentially go very, very wrong for you”. I do it as a service.

GB/Dal: This here tilt is your feature. Let’s leer at it as though it was a nubile, semi-nude seventeen year old backstage at the Miss Universe pageant and we had orange hair. Yeah, we can do creepy too, Mr. President! I’d have loved to have Romo announce this game-much like the contestant above, he can be quite cheeky. As for the game, the Cowboys are the more balanced and talented team but their secondary seems vulnerable and that’s where a certain Mr. Rodgers likes to do him some damage.

Go get ’em, Kiddos!

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

So, did Dallas suffer a Dakashima Disaster?

blaxabbath

Pagano is so not inspiring of a speaker.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Obvious joke is obvious.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Do we really care to see the platitudes and pablum from the locker rooms?

blaxabbath

Is Glazer a little person?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Not physically, but in every other way.

blaxabbath

The only reason Skip and Shannon should be the fastest growing sports show is because they’ve finally given up making ‘BLACK GUY VS WHITE GUY YELLING SHOW’ products.

So I can live with it then.

Duchess

when you go from 5 viewers to 10 you just doubled your audience!

LemonJello
LemonJello

CIA opened a new rendition site?

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

I have to hope Lamar Miller pushes to a win in fantasy football this week.

blaxabbath

Lamar

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Duchess

Is there a major TV network Strahan doesn’t work for?

LemonJello
LemonJello

The End.
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LemonJello
LemonJello

Isn’t Bradshaw due back at Shady Acres Retirement Home and Dementia Treatment Center?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Did grandpa wander into traffic again?

LemonJello
LemonJello

I’d rather he be driving the van with the whole studio team.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Preferably through a nitroglycerin plant.

LemonJello
LemonJello

While ablaze with a magnesium fire.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Naturally

blaxabbath

Based on the way the Giants are playing, all the kids in NYC look like their scout team.

blaxabbath

NO ONE WANTS YOU!

Duchess

RGIII is still the worst Subway spokesman ever.

blaxabbath

Didn’t they do Jay Glazer for a bit? When they were hoarding bad NFL players and olympians?

technodanvan
technodanvan

You do remember their original spokesman, right?

blaxabbath

comment image?fit=2550%2C1650&ssl=1

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That’s the joke.

King Hippo

if only you still had any knee cartilage (and something other than a BayBay education)

Duchess

But he had Jesus on his side…. and a side chick

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

So did Manti Te’o

Horatio Cornblower

Well, now that that’s over with I’l settle in and watch the Yankees play the Indians. Surely that will end better for me.

blaxabbath

See! Aaron Rodgers is definitely on the spectrum a little. And he’s a great quarterback!

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Duchess

The Green Bay locker room is going to be a dance club tonight

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