Your Second Round of NFL Action Open Thread

Are we feeling a wee bit boozy/dizzy/pilly/queasy/silly yet? If you’re not you’ve got some work to do, my friend. There’s still a ton of the football left that you can use as an excuse to do what you will. Take advantage. Lock that kid in his room. Take off those damn pants. Open up that bag of (chocolate) chips. The living room is your oyster! TO THE GAMES!

Bal/Oak: What gives? Why does Derek Carr derive so much joy in derailing a promising Raiders season? Was he not molested enough as a child? Whatever went wrong, there’s something not right in that kid’s head (or back, whatever) Actually, he was limited in practice this week and was willing to give it a go but the Oakland braintrust rightfully put the kibosh on that notion. Enter E to the J Manuel. [sound of balloon losing air] How does an offense switch from a capable signal-caller to a proven turnover- and mistake-prone dude that hasn’t sniffed an NFL start since ’14? [pulls sofa closer to tv] Let’s watch. I’m saying the Ravens D rules the roost today.

Sea/LAR: When you go to Jared (Goff) you get over a thousand yards passing and a 7/1 TD/INT stat. Is he available in both my money leagues? Yes. [makes clickety-clicking noises at the ‘puter] No. He is not. If he plays well against the Seasquawkers he’ll be snapped up and you’ll have missed the Goff boat. Be like me and catch your fellow fantasy opponents napping. This is the latest installment in the series, “Scotchnaut advice that could potentially go very, very wrong for you”. I do it as a service.

GB/Dal: This here tilt is your feature. Let’s leer at it as though it was a nubile, semi-nude seventeen year old backstage at the Miss Universe pageant and we had orange hair. Yeah, we can do creepy too, Mr. President! I’d have loved to have Romo announce this game-much like the contestant above, he can be quite cheeky. As for the game, the Cowboys are the more balanced and talented team but their secondary seems vulnerable and that’s where a certain Mr. Rodgers likes to do him some damage.

Go get ’em, Kiddos!

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litre_cola
Member

Are there fans in LA? I think I heard a cheer.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Foodbank opened early.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

No, that was just me screaming about the Raiders’ latest mistake.

Spur
Member
Spur

What the fuck was that call?

King Hippo
Member

He didn’t even HIT HIM?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Horseshit penalty there.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

And Raiders have to take a timeout cause they can’t get their field goal unit on the field on time.

Spur
Member
Spur

Chargers win!

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Pack/Boys is America’s game of the week? I didn’t know Fox hated the country THAT much.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

America is a country rich in self-hate.

litre_cola
Member

Late day hangover has hit. Kill me.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Incoming.
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Spur
Member
Spur

No Sean Lee against Rodgers is not going to be pretty.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

“No Sean, no Lee…looks like it’s gonna be a dull night.”

– Aaron Rodgers, surveying his options at The Anvil

Senor Weaselo
Member

Rikki, why’d you take me to a gay steel mill? Hell, why did you take me to a steel mill?

Spur
Member
Spur

Go Cowboys!

Brocky
Member

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Oh, you already gave up on the game and are watching Westworld too?

litre_cola
Member

Nope.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

A good way to make your backup quarterback feel at ease at home is to put him in a 14-0 hole.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

They need to run the ball a lot to catch up I think. Beastmode can do it. All Lynch all day. This opinion has nothing to do with the fact that I need him to pull me out of the hole Tawmmy put me in on Thursday.

That last part sounded weird, yes.

Wakezilla
Member

Goff putting up big numbers today is likely. C-Hox have me on speed dial if they have one more injury on their defense. BeerguyRick is sitting on the sidelines, drunk and might be the new DT.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Hey look, the Raiders discovered time travel.

Redshirt
Member

Can I borrow it. Me and 10-year old me needs to have a sit down.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

It only takes you back 5 years. Or 6, or 7, or 8, basically from 5 to 15 years.

Redshirt
Member

I can work with that. At least that aged me I can beat up.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Good enough.
— Chip Kelly

Brocky
Member

Lol, I legitimately had no idea mariotta was injured, or that Matt cassel was starting, much less in the league any more

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Cassel and Doopy Pantz have jobs. 2017 eats balls

Wakezilla
Member

Radio USA was broadcasting the game and were shocked, shocked i tell you! That Miami was so terrible. Clearly, they didn’t read my preview.

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