Your Second Round of NFL Action Open Thread

Are we feeling a wee bit boozy/dizzy/pilly/queasy/silly yet? If you’re not you’ve got some work to do, my friend. There’s still a ton of the football left that you can use as an excuse to do what you will. Take advantage. Lock that kid in his room. Take off those damn pants. Open up that bag of (chocolate) chips. The living room is your oyster! TO THE GAMES!

Bal/Oak: What gives? Why does Derek Carr derive so much joy in derailing a promising Raiders season? Was he not molested enough as a child? Whatever went wrong, there’s something not right in that kid’s head (or back, whatever) Actually, he was limited in practice this week and was willing to give it a go but the Oakland braintrust rightfully put the kibosh on that notion. Enter E to the J Manuel. [sound of balloon losing air] How does an offense switch from a capable signal-caller to a proven turnover- and mistake-prone dude that hasn’t sniffed an NFL start since ’14? [pulls sofa closer to tv] Let’s watch. I’m saying the Ravens D rules the roost today.

Sea/LAR: When you go to Jared (Goff) you get over a thousand yards passing and a 7/1 TD/INT stat. Is he available in both my money leagues? Yes. [makes clickety-clicking noises at the ‘puter] No. He is not. If he plays well against the Seasquawkers he’ll be snapped up and you’ll have missed the Goff boat. Be like me and catch your fellow fantasy opponents napping. This is the latest installment in the series, “Scotchnaut advice that could potentially go very, very wrong for you”. I do it as a service.

GB/Dal: This here tilt is your feature. Let’s leer at it as though it was a nubile, semi-nude seventeen year old backstage at the Miss Universe pageant and we had orange hair. Yeah, we can do creepy too, Mr. President! I’d have loved to have Romo announce this game-much like the contestant above, he can be quite cheeky. As for the game, the Cowboys are the more balanced and talented team but their secondary seems vulnerable and that’s where a certain Mr. Rodgers likes to do him some damage.

Go get ’em, Kiddos!

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fleshwound_NPG

Sparkle dat sparkle, Erin.

King Hippo

Have a cigarette, everybody!

Romonobyl

Sure, go ahead, Didn’t mean to get it in your hair.

Romonobyl

I know that was harsh, but teh funny outweighed it!

Redshirt

That was a lot closer that it needed to be. And when that Packers standing with a live ball, it would’ve been the Derp of the Century if the Cowboys got the TD.

Gratliff

Goddamn, that was a fun last play

blaxabbath

So does Witten get hit with the TO there? I started him in FF tonight and that will NOT help me.

King Hippo

technically, DAL turned it over TWICE that last play.

LemonJello

“Blue Bunny for Everyone! Extra for ME!”
-Captain Blue Bunny

Romonobyl

Even I have to laugh at that shit.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, for a second there I thought Elliott had it.

Redshirt

Agreed. I would’ve made an attempt to outrun the secondary there. He has the speed.

Petronel

Looked like we might get a little three-man-weave action there for a moment…

Romonobyl

Aaron rewards himself with that after a win.

Unsurprised

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Horatio Cornblower

Nice beard, Rodgers.

“Thanks!” Munn, O.

Spur

At least i have a family to speak with. Eat a hairy puissy Rodgers.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I mean, I’d make that trade in a heart beat

Brocky

The green bay packers: more hateable than the cowboys since 1996

Brocky

I’m not bitter at all

hippofant

Naw. Their olinemen play Settlers of Cataan for fun! The Cowboys beat women! No comparison.

Brocky

As opposed to the documented rise in wisconsin domestic violence following packers playoff losses?

Shogun Marcus

That applies to 80% of nfl teams.

Unsurprised

Gentlemen.

Redshirt

They was so close to TD right there.

hippofant

What the fuck are the Packers’ secondary looking at? GET DEEP.

Unsurprised

GET DEEP.

Spur

Fucking Packers. When Rogers retires you’re the new 49ers.

Dunstan

I know we get sick of the announcers wetting his knob, but damn Rodgers really is good.

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Even as a Cowboys fan there is nothing I don’t like about that gif.

Redshirt

Future owner of the Dallas Cowboys.

Unsurprised

He looks like the kind of person who’d sell the team for a couple of magic beans.

LemonJello
Gratliff

ONE TEAM DIVISION BAY BAY

Romonobyl

I think I’ll start watching curling. Is there a good curling blog anywhere?

technodanvan
blaxabbath

::Pube Joke::

Gratliff

Aaron Rodgers is better than Brady. Fahk you.

Romonobyl

I’ll give you that one.

Redshirt

Yes.

blaxabbath

Also has been injected slightly less illegal substances.

But probably more bodily substances.

fleshwound_NPG

No question. He has Mike McCarthy. Tahmmie has Satan and Grumblelord.

Petronel

godDAYUM

Shogun Marcus

ALL TEH PILLZ FOAR TEH HIPPO!!!

blaxabbath

You know….this is fine. Fuck the Cowboys.

#takeaknee.

fleshwound_NPG

eat a dick, jerrah

litre_cola

I think i just came.

Redshirt

I’m waiting for Rodgers to retreat 50 yards, to make it a true Hail Mary.

Horatio Cornblower

Just like a white guy to quit when the going gets tough, eh Nelson?

Gratliff

loooooooooooooolboys

Petronel

Wasn’t a pretty run, but it got the job done.

Dunstan

That’s what Olivia Munn told me.

Romonobyl

Brocky

I’m pissed now shanklor, I got to you, I stick up for you. If you don’t help me now, I say fuck you shanklor, I do it myself

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Redshirt

Shanklor, and his big brother BLEERGH, will remember this act of Sacrilege.

blaxabbath

I love how our media (The Weinstein Company) equates a team turnaround resulting in the lazy guy getting tough, the weak guy getting strong, the asshole becoming a team player, and the foreigner….disavowing his religion for the good of the team.

Redshirt

U-S-A! U-S-A!

Redshirt

“Coming up next, The OT presented by Lowes”

No Spoilers, Fox!

Spur

WHOOOOOO Rodgers just got CLOCKED

Horatio Cornblower

This Cowboys D is just…not good.

blaxabbath

Brilliant Mike McCarthey call.

-Banner

Romonobyl

Good time to soften up the secondary there you morons.

Gratliff

Oh yeah. Packers are winning.

Spur

Hey Rodgers, Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper are calling for you. RIGHT NOW

Duchess

set up for another monster hail mary by Rodgers

Horatio Cornblower

Gonna be tough to throw a Hail Mary from the 5.

Brocky

Doesn’t matter how easy it is, they’ll find a way to say it’s impressive because Rodgers did it

Spur

here comes the Bullshit PI call

Unsurprised

It’d have been funny if he fucked up at the end, but that was an impressive stiff-arm and juke against the defender.

https://streamable.com/ybewt

fleshwound_NPG

Rodgers has enough time to score 14 here

Horatio Cornblower

That was a hell of a disguised run. I was about to start screaming at Dak for holding the hand-off too long, then I noticed he was running for a TD

Spanky Datass

Dammit Witten, don’t spike DAK!

Gratliff

Oi. You’re a shit football team from a shit town.

Unsurprised

Could you be a bit more specific?

Spur

That’s A LOT of time for Rodgers

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, but like they just said they had to take that. D has to step up.

So, yeah. Packers win, packers win etc.

blaxabbath

Prescott attribute the comeback to the probiotics in his Dannon yogurt.