“What Does It Matter? We Know How It’ll End” – The Falcons Coming Off Their Bye



A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

Well, when I started this, I had them pegged at 4-0. Then they shit the bed versus the Bills and I had to retype my intro. THESE FUCKERS JUST KEEP LETTING ME DOWN!

Coming off their bye this week, they host the Jay Cutler distracted Miami Dolphins, which should be an easy “W”, even though Cutty led the Phins to a surprise & ambivalent victory over the Titans. After that, it’s three straight road games – two against the AFC East’s surprise mediocrity twins of the Patriots & Jets, and then into Charlotte to face the 3-1 Panthers. Honestly, they could be anywhere from 7-1 to 4-4 by the time they return home to Megatron’s Butthole to face the Cowboys on Veteran’s Day weekend.

We know where Dan Quinn stands.

Key injuries:

The biggest injury is Vic Beasley, their monster in the middle. is due to return in another couple of weeks, but until then his sack per game average from last year was exposed in the Bills loss, based on the amount of time Tyrod Taylor had to research open receivers. He returned to practice this week, but they are treading lightly on his tender hamstring.

Also returning from injury to aid the defence are S Ricardo Allen & DT Courtney Upshaw. As mentioned in my season preview, if the Falcons get hurt across the middle, their salary cap is too thin to buy much help.

Julio Jones & Mohammed Sanu were both limping heading into the bye week, with Jones officially diagnosed with a hip flexor strain. Having had time to rest up should give Matt Ryan more options on third-and-one than checkdowns.

Injured stadium:

As of today, the stadium roof is not operational. Although it was open for the home opener, they had to manually open the roof one petal at a time, two hours before gametime, to ensure the blimp had good photos. It was announced that it will not be opened for any future Falcons games this season. The roof as it’s meant to function

will not be ready until the 2018 stadium. Because the players disrespected the anthem.

Hope Clicks Eternal:

I’m lazy, so I’m combining my bye-week effort with my weekly foray into the internet miasma of sports fandom.

On the whole, Falcons fans seem pretty content with a 3-1 record. Many lament the loss to Buffalo, but acknowledge the same fortunes that gave them the victory over Detroit. It doesn’t mean they are happy about it.

One aggravating factor – the running game. As in, “Why don’t you utilize the run more often?” Throughout Falcons twitter, it seemed to be the one consistency that fans had complaints about.



Naturally, the #MAGA contingent is out there.

Of course, much like opinions, the fans have the solutions. A Q&A with the team’s website manager

leads to outright lunacy & reason to not allow comments on the team’s site (something I’m increasingly finding):

I get the impression Rich drives past dozens of unemployed SEC graduates linemen on his way to work in the morning. “WILL PLAY THE NICKEL FOR A NICKEL!” their signs must read. Shows the value of an Alabama degree, I guess. It must make him SO ANGRY that loyal flag-saluters like them are out of work but lazy so-and-so’s who probably voted NOBAMA! are making millions disrespecting the fans.


Look, at 3-1, no one can reasonably tell how this team’s season will unfold. The Vikings went 5-0 last year, and look where they are now. If the receivers can run routes without limping, and the defence can get off the ball quick enough to harass the quarterback, there’s little reason to doubt Atlanta can make the playoffs. Likely, they finish 11-5 or 12-4.

Atlanta’s real problem is the fact that Cam Newton suddenly remembered how to play football. How they play the Panthers will determine if they win the division or play on the road in January. Whether or not they can win the Super Bowl depends on who rises up to knock off the Patriots, because you just know that “28-3” bullshit will be everywhere if those two match up again.

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Watching Burleson interview Goodell’s mealy-mouthed corporate nonsense is making me mad.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Oh boy the Falcons!

In all my years of following the NFL, I have never given a single shit about the Falcons.

Nary a one.

I’ll just put this out here:



I support his Butthole taeks.


Falcons need to bring back the red helmets. That’s all I have to say on the topic.

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Also, I think CAR is due to get a bite from the injury bug and ATL should run away with the South.