We’re nearing the half-way mark of the regular season. Let that sink in for a moment. Are you done? Good. I feel like time is speeding by myself. I book-learned somewhere that as one ages this feeling occurs because there are no longer any ‘firsts’ to mark the passage of time so it seems like a blur. The first time you got laid, got married, killed a hobo, witnessed childbirth, ate an extra large pizza by yourself, were the focus of an intervention, received a handjob from your uncle, saw your son graduate, laundered money for the church-all these events serve to demarcate different phases of one’s life. As they recede in time, time itself gains momentum. The lesson here is that one shouldn’t read books. TO THE GAMES!

SF/Phi: The Eagles have but one mark against their record but are down Jason Peters and lb Jordan Hicks (maybe). Both qb’s have four intercepts but while Wentz has 17 TD’s to accompany that, Hoyer has but 4. Look for Ertz on the score sheet-he’s grabbed 5 six-pointers already.

Chi/NO: When your passing game/receiving corps is as lousy as the Bears is, it doesn’t matter if you’ve got the Truth (Biscuit) on your side. They did pull off the win last week due to a couple of defensive scores but have a gander at this. Chicago’s reception leader is Zach Miller with 20. My fingers tell me that’s less than three per game! On t’udder side wr Thomas leads the Saints with 35.

LAC/NE: The spread is only 7? Oh yeah, the Pats D sucks numerous dicks. The question then becomes: Can you score enough to keep up with Brady & Co.? My guess is that the LawnClippers will not be able to do such a thing.

Ind/Cin: Neither of these two-win squadoos look very good but if one of them is going to get their shit together and put it in a bag, my money is on Cincy. They’ve got too much firepower on the offensive side of the ball for them to be sporting this kind of record.

Atl/NYJ: This is the Falcons fourth straight tilt against the AFC East (schedule-makers fell asleep at the algorithm?) and all they have to show for it is three losses. Whether it was a win or a loss the Jets last four games have been decided by one score so this should be a closer game than a cursory glance would suggest.

Car/TB: The Panthers have dropped their last two and Tampa has lost three straight. Carolina needs this one so that they can stay within a game of the Saints.

Oak/Buf: This game is being sold as “One-time Bills starter EJ Manuel returns home!” Silliness. Despite the fact that the Buffalo D is only giving up 16 a game, if I was a fantasy baller with Amari Cooper on my team, I would start him. Zingo!

Bring the funny.