Your “Pip, Pip, Huzzah And All That” Early Morning NFL Fixture Open Thread

Well, well, well-here we are again. Rise and shine, beasties because the NFL has got a treat for you! I’d suggest you have a bland breakfast of some sort since you don’t want it causing too much damage on the way back up. So tapioca it is! Man, do I hate tapioca. You know what? A nice bagel and cream cheese should do the trick. Let’s go with that. Now let’s go… TO THE GAME!

Min/Cle: By now you’ve heard that a gas leak in the kitchen forced the Brownies to get up in the middle of the night. The place they were staying at sounds like the most English-y spot ever-PennyHill Park in Bagshot. The more religious of the Browns players were surprised to discover that the Bible in the night table drawer was replaced with a copy of Charles Dickins’ The Pickwick Papers. For Cleveland it just gets worse and worse as things tend to get when you’re living in an 0-7 hole. The 311 on qb Kizer is just that-3 TD passes against 11 interceptions. With the exception of one time, each game he’s started has begun with a 3-and-out. The lone exception was a ‘drive’ four plays long. His pathetic wr crew hasn’t done him any favours either-they’ve got 13 drops total among them. How is Kenny Britt still starting in this league? Can I pile on some more? Sure. The team is without its best player in Joe Thomas and will also be missing starters at the dt, de, cb and safety positions.

Everson Griffin has nine sacks in seven games and is looking to get more while going up against the awesomely-named Spencer Drango. The latter sounds like the guy that Arnold lied to about killing last in that movie. Rb’s Murray and McKinnon have done well in Dalvin Cook’s absence as they both have a 100 yarder under their respective belts. Qb Case Keenum has had his ups and downs as one would expect of a perennial back-up but the guy is 4-2, cut him some slack.

Type away, my pretties!

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JustStopDude

Play the Browns is fucking better than a bye.

JustStopDude

It would make sense for the Browns to go back to back 1-15 seasons with their only wins being the fucking Chargers…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FUCK YOU HUE JACKSON THIS IS WHY I TAKE DELIGHT IN EVERY LOSS: http://www.cleveland.com/browns/index.ssf/2016/10/hue_jackson_defends_bringing_i.html

JustStopDude

Do you think if we convince President Trump that the Browns donated to Hilary Clinton, we could get him to place them on the No Fly List and they stay in London?

...

I think it would be enough if you just tell they’re literally browns.

Redshirt

THIS BROWNS FOOTBALL TEAM, I CALL IT THE CUBA NATIONAL BASEBALL TEAM BECAUSE THEY ARE RUN BY AN INEPT GROUP AND SOME OF THE TALENTED PLAYERS MAY RUN TO A NEUTRAL EMBASSY AND PLEA FOR ASYLUM TO AVOID GOING BACK HOME!!!!

...

Oh yeah.

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Beerguyrob

All this game is missing is a Brown being blinded by a flag in the eye.

...

NO ONE MAY SEE THE TRUE VISAGE OF BLEEEERGH.

Doktor Zymm

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Brocky

Stole my joke………punk…..

Col. Duke LaCross

This guy is an American hero.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More interestingly, imagine the numbers Cromwell could put up! He’d be surrounded by roundheads!

herodotus450

Why do we call all (most?) porn actresses “porn stars” but only a very few non-porn actors/actresses “movie stars”?

Redshirt

Because movie stars are saved for the very best and some porn stars are better actor/actresses than some mainstream ones.

Brocky

This feels like a commentary on Jessica alba and Olivia munn

Redshirt

So is Hue Jackson the worst Head Coach in NFL History or is there someone worst? Defend your arguments.

Spur

new thread?

Redshirt

But you’ll miss the Brown comeb-HAHAHAHAHAHA!

JustStopDude

Oh fuck you Hue…you are fucking 1-22. This call is not going to change fuck all. Stop dragging this train wreck out…

Spur
Doktor Zymm

Do you think they just performed a knee transplant, and that’s why Bradford is out indefinitely while they’re saying Bridgewater might be back after the bye?

King Hippo

Everton, back to vile shite.

Brocky

…..you know some times i wonder how the browns can be this bad.

And then I watch them play

Doktor Zymm

It’s still a mystery how a team can be that poorly managed to create such consistently awful play

JustStopDude

Its intentional.

I honestly believe it. Why spend money and effort for a 10-6 team when you can be cheap as fuck and make more money by fielding a 4-12.

Oh who am I kidding…I would fucking kill for a 4-12 season…

herodotus450

I imagine it’s the same with Cinci and Chicago, at least. Be as cheap as possible, no scouts (or general manager), just draft whover Kiper says to, never sign big free agents but still bring in that revenue share (which is more than enough to cover a payroll at the top of the salary cap). The nfl media/marketing take care of ensuring that your fan base grows, so why try to actually win when it’s such a crapshoot anyway?

Unsurprised

It’s absolutely intentional. Haslam knows how to operate a racket better than anyone.

Spur

Shared profits. The NFL is rather socialist,

JustStopDude

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Spur

!st time i heard this I thought it was Peter Gabriel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhtoDhlffsE

Brocky

A fictional threesome you didn’t know you wanted

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Redshirt

Yeah, but the one of the left has massive father issues and severe emotional problems, especially with her anger.

Brocky

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Spur

The one on the left blue herself

Redshirt

Redshirt: “Oh, I’m full. I can’t eat another bite.”
Half Eaten Pizza: “Quitter.”
Redshirt: “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!”

Huh, showed that pizza.

Horatio Cornblower

/Scotchnaut opens the booze store door
NORM!

Horatio Cornblower

It’s pouring here today and we’re supposed to get 3″ of rain through tomorrow. Which, yeah, in the Carolinas is a light drizzle but up here in Connecticut where we don’t have webbed feet and gills it’s more of a big deal.

Anyhoo, yesterday I winterized the cats’ outdoor shelter. An old shelving unit with two levels, a couple of cat-carriers stuffed with fleece blankets and wrapped with towels, the whole thing wrapped with two folded-over tarps and each end closed off on an angle with plywood covered with two more tarps. The lower level even has a 6″ lip/dam supported by bricks to keep out any water.

This morning one of the cats is in the basement and the other, more feral one has stuffed herself into a den she built herself under a piece of an old lawnmower that I chucked in the woods.

Fucking cats.

Unsurprised

Hiiiisssssssss
— Jay Cutler

King Hippo

Now the London fixture on teevee box muted, two game/match threads on home laptop, Everton on work laptop (with sound), slightly hungover.

I think I am gonna have a stroke.

litre_cola

Have a stroke? Which device is the porn on?

Doktor Zymm

Do they sell anything edible at Applebees?

litre_cola

Bourbon.

Spur

Free mints at the hostess station. Those won’t give you too much cancer.

King Hippo

I hated Applebee’s even when I was in undergrad and had no taste whatsoever. They manage to fuck up ribs, even

Horatio Cornblower

The beer.

Applebees changed their menu a while ago. I actually had a decent burger the last time I was in one. Which, admittedly, was probably well over a year ago at this point.

Fronkenshteen

I’m going to lose today to a team starting three (3) TEs. I suck.

King Hippo

Everton wearing the Detroit Lions kit again, it’s actually pretty cool, as far as away kits go

Doktor Zymm

Uhh…dear Google Maps, I’m pretty sure KFC is not a sports bar

Wakezilla

Kyle looking like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer because he just guided the Vikings to a touchdown. Ho! Ho! Ho!

King Hippo

well, I sure as shit didn’t need THAT

King Hippo

that’s what happens when you give to NOT McKinnon, assdicks

Spur
Brocky

I would accuse the officials of bias…. but you know…

Browns

Bortleback

I have to say, watching this on the BBC with absolutely no ads is really refreshing. They seem to have done a decent job getting not-idiots in the studio for all the breaks too.

Doktor Zymm

I think it’s obligatory to post some version of this every London game:
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ballsofsteelandfury

Dammit, now I gotta go get something to eat!

Gratliff

Back in my grocery stocking days, the international food section always allowed for great comedy

King Hippo

MOAR McKinnonDOWN please

Spur

Texan players are going to rip off their Texan logo today!? We must have a livefeed of this.

ballsofsteelandfury

TO REVEAL A 500!!!

Unsurprised

If they even take the field, they’ve lost.

Fronkenshteen

Guess this Diggs thing isn’t happening today. Keenum only has eyes for Theilen.

litre_cola

Yep, mistakes made by me.

Horatio Cornblower

If you have Kyle Sloter as your back-up FF QB, congratulations, you really suck at FF.

Wakezilla

Maybe that league gets points for having a Frisb-golf expert on the team

Gratliff

It’s like the Niners and Browns exist to keep the NFC race close. Fully expect the Eagles to shit the bed against San Fran in an hour.

Doktor Zymm

Seems unlikely, but that would be a very entertaining Eagles type thing to do

Gratliff

The Eagles fan mentality easily allows for complete faith in the winless Niners soundly beating the league-leading Eagles.

Doktor Zymm

I think that type of thinking is common to a lot of fandoms. Football teams are all fickle bastards

litre_cola

Correct.

ballsofsteelandfury

Atlanta’s defense is horrible.

King Hippo

probably Powell, he seems like a mudder