Well, well, well-here we are again. Rise and shine, beasties because the NFL has got a treat for you! I’d suggest you have a bland breakfast of some sort since you don’t want it causing too much damage on the way back up. So tapioca it is! Man, do I hate tapioca. You know what? A nice bagel and cream cheese should do the trick. Let’s go with that. Now let’s go… TO THE GAME!
Min/Cle: By now you’ve heard that a gas leak in the kitchen forced the Brownies to get up in the middle of the night. The place they were staying at sounds like the most English-y spot ever-PennyHill Park in Bagshot. The more religious of the Browns players were surprised to discover that the Bible in the night table drawer was replaced with a copy of Charles Dickins’ The Pickwick Papers. For Cleveland it just gets worse and worse as things tend to get when you’re living in an 0-7 hole. The 311 on qb Kizer is just that-3 TD passes against 11 interceptions. With the exception of one time, each game he’s started has begun with a 3-and-out. The lone exception was a ‘drive’ four plays long. His pathetic wr crew hasn’t done him any favours either-they’ve got 13 drops total among them. How is Kenny Britt still starting in this league? Can I pile on some more? Sure. The team is without its best player in Joe Thomas and will also be missing starters at the dt, de, cb and safety positions.
Everson Griffin has nine sacks in seven games and is looking to get more while going up against the awesomely-named Spencer Drango. The latter sounds like the guy that Arnold lied to about killing last in that movie. Rb’s Murray and McKinnon have done well in Dalvin Cook’s absence as they both have a 100 yarder under their respective belts. Qb Case Keenum has had his ups and downs as one would expect of a perennial back-up but the guy is 4-2, cut him some slack.
Type away, my pretties!
Can we just get that British commentator doing the NFL play by play for primetime games? That was brilliant, lads.
I also fixed my stupid Joe Haden/Thomas error.
Haders be Haden.
That Shobert pick may have just caused the Giants’ GM to make a phone call to get him as the new #1 receiver for the season.
Does anyone know what in hell is wrong with Sam Bradford’s knee?
wounded
Caught whatever lutefisk related disease from Bridgewater?
I was on a Vikes site and no, no one knows. He apparently isn’t on any specific timeline to return. Weird.
Yup. He’s Sam Bradford.
13-12 at the half. Sounds more like the score of an actual NFL game, amirite?
This is now the best Greater Footy fixture London has ever seen.
If you gave Mike Zimmer a cigarette he would be a dead ringer for Dale Gribble.
Keenum walks around the field like he’s looking for loose change.
“Loose Change? Loved seeing that.”
– Pete Carroll
I am loving these McKinnon garbage checkdowns.
KizerDOWN!!
All you nobody who started him in fantasy have to be pleased.
The footy celly was excellent.
I’m sure there’s a thirty team league out there somewhere…
And they started Kesseler. . .
hmmm… a thirty team fantasy league where you can only start former or current Browns qbs…
You get 2 free minutes of watching the #Pauls/Vikings game? It’s shit like this as to why the NFL is losing fans.
Which is more offputting, the limited availability, or the availability of such shit.
#GIJoeKungFuGrip
Drip drip drip
This fucking Browns team and time outs…
Mr. Bean reacts to terrible London football is everything I’ve always wanted and needed.
This is master class-level shit. I laughed, I cried, I came.
BLEERGH scoffs at your #ThePauls competence? NO!
Holy merde, they actually didn’t just run out the string!
I…wha….I….how…..god….DAMN IT!
How the fuck do you let a guy get that fucking open as a professional!?!?
#ThePauls
The Harvard Boys did it again.
GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
And the flood gates begin to open over in Jolly ole London
all teh missed XPs. Nice Lesser Footy hat tip by Thielen, though
I would try the Ian Curtis epilepsy dance, myself
oh that would be splendid. All the City fans would be won over
If I caught a touchdown in a London game, my celebration would be standing perfectly still in the spot I caught it until a designated time in which I was replaced by another wide receiver.
Would more than 1% of the general football audience understand the reference?
I would specialize in celebrations that reference things only 1% of the football viewing population would understand.
The tricky part would be ensuring it’s a different 1% each time.
When the ref demands the ball, you could mime giving it to him as an appeasement followed by years of ignoring his rearmament.
Trailing the Browns? If I’m a Vikings fan I’m sweating bullets right now. But that probably has more to with my extremely poor level of physical fitness than any actual concern over the outcome of the game.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to check to see if Magary is tweeting more photos of piles of hot, juicy meats.
a 2-late fixture window for RedZone later. My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
This game, and six teams off.
true, but they still could manage 6:3 split.
I’ll be whining about that later on.
How is Minn still losing this game?
Is anyone counting the double decker buses seen in bump shots? We can’t actually prove this game is in England unless we see 4 or more of said buses.
Only if there is equal fish flying in Seattle.
I was watching a Seahawks game with the Dok once and mentioned fish tossing and THAT SECOND fish toss appeared on the screen. I SUMMONED IT.
Afternoon gents’! ‘sup outside of Hippo’s hopes for Everton after Koeman’s sacking?
thanks for the singing last week, surely it helped 😀
I think all the credit should go to the Blue faithful that were rather close to burning down the place to the bleeping ground if he wasn’t fired 😀
The amazing thing about both of these teams, the coaches are calling the game like its the first time they have ever had these offensive players together on the same field.
It looks like a fucking preseason, week 1 snooze fest…
Long fantasy day ahead, based on McKinnon’s start. BLECH.
I think I’m really going to do this 12+ hours of football today. I’m in a mood for mostly shitty football.
I’VE GOT A FEVER AND THE ONLY CURE IS SHITTY FOOTBALL
You can be our reverend. PREACH, Brother ICRM!!
No way is “Twickenham” a real place. They made that up to fuck with Americans.
It’s where they play quidditch at Hogwarts.
THAT’S HALLOWED GROUND! …so I’m told. For enlarged footed ball?
It’s totally real, you just take a right at Nottinghamshire upon Avon by the Lake
If that’s real, then I declare “Cockwobble-on-the-Cunt” is a real place too.
That is post orgasm I imagine.
It’s as real as my Welsh uncle who lives in fywfugntkaenvshqyuwfplnrst
My farts have more vowels in them.
Truly Australia has dumber names than any country that speaks English, and Newfoundland.
I’ve heard the Newfoundland folks are a strange, strange people.
Very much so. Mrs Cola is from BC but took her undergrad there and she has some weird stories.
Compared to whom? Present company?
/I know. I know./
As a one-time resident of The Rock, I know of which I speak and I have to say that Newfoundlanders are the finest kind.
I don’t understand how a team that is 90% 1st and 2nd round picks can be so garbage for so long. The Browns HQ has to be built on top of an Indian burial ground or something right?
Uh. Technically…
You know what would be fun? Watching this game with Patrick Stewart. Hearing him all the Browns shitty in his Shakespearean way would be awesome.
Kizer is in his true over throw form…
Serious question if I wanted to write something for this site how would I go about that?
reach out to balls. That’s a good start.
/giggity
So grab my balls at a truck stop bathroom? Gotcha!
Given the ownership of the browns, that will get you a tryout.
Find the nearest greyhound bus station. Scratch your screed into the bathroom stall, just above the glory hole.
That is typically how I get my shit published here.
Send me a DM. If that doesn’t work, post a comment and I’ll give you my email address.
Young Sheldon is Canada’s #1 new show. That is all.
Yikes
nfln really the only place to watch this blitz?
Outside of canadia, yes.
The online stream for this game is hot garbage
Well that is how they serve their garbage across the pond.
Figgy pudding guvnah
Also, the garbage part is probably just the game itself, considering who’s playing. But then again I wouldn’t know how they’re’ll playing since I’m not watching.
I’m watching on youtube. I could watch it on the NFL network through my sling box but I find that the NFL network always sucks so I rather would watch an illegal feed.
For shits and giggles, I switch over…and for some fucking reason, I can get HD from youtube, but I fucking can’t from the NFL network.
I think the broadcast is HD, but its not filmed in HD.
Interceptions, fumbles, 15 yard penalties… I like this game so far!
Uh oh. Hue is going to try and look smart.
The Viking was trying to take the ball away from the Viking? Huh.
Benched Crowell because of course
To be fair, no one could have envisioned the Browns scoring points.
I am worse than Brocky
I threw a zinger at old Brocky in the next open thread.
I’ve got brocky in dfo and he didn’t replace guys on bye or injury. Whoo!
/i will now lose by 40.
I have Troll so Hard and he started Keenum…
That was quick!
Oh, Zane.
Boy, if I had nickel every time I heard that…
Browns did….a…g-g-g…g-g-g….an anti-derp?
The time change caused the Derp to sleep in. Derp got to the stadium just as the point after was being tried.
/stay away from the snooze alarm, Derp
This fixture is crappy enough to be relegated to nfln only status? I’m almost slightly bummed by this.
On normal teevee up here because there is fuck all else on at 730 am
And cuz England no doubt.
Probably, I mean the old broad is still on our money.
Honestly when I lived in London I would have had a season ticket to the games there. Different teams every week. Would be a great party.
Agree. If the NFL does expand to England, if its not a good team, its going to get 49ers/NFL Clippers numbers.
I took the day off for my birthday, which makes this my first NFL Sunday off this season. I can honestly say hanging out for the live blogs today is what I’ve been looking forward to most. Thanks in advance for the laughs, ya buncha palookas.
Holy crap! Its 55° in England?! Why are they even playing the game. It might be lethal to play in…
Oh, 55°F. You’re airing the UK game, NFLN. Get in the spirit, you bloody wankers!
Maybe they meant 55 degrees East of the Prime Meridian.
Oh, good. The Browns didn’t get the anthems mixed up and kneeled during “God Save the Queen”, creating an International Incident.
So the Factory wins this by 28 right?
I took Minnesota in the elimination contest, and we’re down to the final two, so there’s a better than average chance of that happening.
Ahhhh, there it is just like clockwork. The first report of a hunter killing another hunter.
Northern Ontario that will happen. Which is why all animals should be equipped with Uzis, it levels the playing field.
The one I just saw was outside Boston. But your point stands-there’s at least one every freakin’ year here.
Present and accounted for.
Jesus, it’s still pitch dark out there.
Just for the record Keenum is 4-2 because Bradford won game 1.
Fixed. Spank you.
To Diggs, or not to Diggs?
I just Diggsed in 2 leagues. Then again I am very dumb.
Diggs away.
Reporting for duty. Thought the game was right now so wasn’t mad when Decilitre woke up. Stupid time daylight savings time.
Cheerio, carry on, sun never sets an all that
Do they have Cheerios in Britain? Was the cereal inspired by the saying or was the saying inspired by the cereal? Do they have milk over there or do they just pour Guinness over the Cheerios?
So many questions…
I think they have milk, but it’s just water mixed with plaster dust they sweep off the ground. Served room temperature, of course.