Two games at the 4 spot! Two games??? And women talk about their right to choose being compromised! What of the lonely, whitebread, devastatingly handsome, small town huckleberry up in The Canada? What about his right to flip back and forth between five or six games being played? I’m a taxpayer, goddamnit! This will not stand. [realizes he has no recourse whatsoever] Ah well, let’s make the best of a bad situation, shall we? TO THE GAMES!

Hou/Sea: The inmates at the Texans prison facility are third in points per game and fourth in red zone efficiency. The Seahawks D is ranked about the same in the same categories. #strengthvsstrength Qb Watson and his gaudy 15-5 TD/Intercept ratio will have a difficult time against cb’s Sherman and Griffin-their average passes-defensed success rate is 63.5. But ya gotta start Hopkins, right? One Achilles heel the Truthers do have is defending the run and Houston is thrilled to get back their best O-lineman, Duane Brown. I see plenty of Miller and Foreman in Seattle’s near future.

Dal/Was: The emergence of Chris Thompson (all 5′-8″, 190 pounds of him) has been a revelation-he’s leading the team in rushing and receiving. [Kelley and Pryor take a long, hard look in the mirror] That’s some good news that doesn’t make up for the bad which is that the Dacteds have 17 players on their injury report including 4 of their 5 starting offensive linemen. Ouch. The Bryant/Norman Battle of the Divas will be renewed again today. Dez hasn’t been looked at as often as in the past but he still has 4 TD’s on his scorecard.

Away with ye words and such, scoundrels!