Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)
- The Wednesdayer (S1, E3 – Return of the Wednesdayer) – April 17, 2019
- The Wednesdayer (S1, E2 – Best of The Wednesdayer) – April 10, 2019
- The Wednesdayer (S1, E1 – Introducing The Wednesdayer) – April 3, 2019
Eli Manning: Alright Giants, play’s a YZ Skipcat. Odell, we got you on this one. It’s a little slant but I’m gonna hit you high so you got time to turn it upfield. We still got third down to pound it for the first then.
Odell Beckham Jr: You got it, Eli. Just don’t trail me. If they aren’t hanging on me the instant I catch it, I’m gonna flash up the middle of field for TD number 2!
Manning: Love the confidence man. Alright Giants, on two. Break!
In a professional gridiron football game, we join the home team New York Football Giants who sit uncomfortably in front of the visiting Los Angeles Chargers. With just a two point lead and only four minutes remaining in the game, the players clap and break huddle to attempt a first-down gain. But as one receiver will soon discover, a seven yard gain may be eons away when you’re dialing up a catch and run….in the Twilight Zone.
Dan Fouts: Giants are gonna line up with Beckham out wide matched against Casey Hayward. Hayward’s effort this game is commendable but it feels like OBJ is due. The ball is snapped and Eli is looking to his left.
Ian Eagle: Eli does throw the quick slant short of the first down and Beckham goes up to make a catch on that high throw…
Eagle: He makes the catch and — WOW! Now OBJ is fighting for the first down! OH! HE SLIPPED THE DEFENDER AND IS NOW GUNNING UP THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD. HE’S AT THE 50 AND COMPLETELY HURDLED THE SAFETY. THERE IS NOTHING BUT OPEN GREEN FIELD AHEAD OF BECKHAM!
Fouts: What a play by Beckham! He’s not even to the 40 yet and the internet has already exploded!
Beth Mowins: Dan and Ian, I was just at the 30 yard line and Odell just raced by. I’ll unabashedly admit that I am wet and these Charger cheerleaders clearly are the same!
Chargers Cheerleader Gaebri: We want OBJ to take all of us tonight. All. Of. Us.
Eagle: Beckham is changing the sport with that broken tackle and this run! We are watching NFL football — hell, US culture — transforming before our very eyes at the catalyst of Odell Beckham Jr who is now in the red zone without any threats from a defender. Are we looking at a first ballot hall of famer here, Dan?
Fouts: Ian, do you remember when Tyrann Matheiu tweeted that Larry Fitzgerald should be eligible for the Hall of Fame as an active player? Well, I’m thinking we need to convene and hold an emergency vote tonight to place Beckham well ahead of Fitzgerald and, frankly, anoint him as the greatest player to ever play the game.
Eagle: Fuck Jerry Rice indeed, Dan.
Mowins: Guys, I am getting a report now that Nike stock is surging on the play of their highest paid NFL partnership! Even with his play triggering a $45million bonus clause, Nike appears to have found a permanent replacement to carry the banner previously manned by Jordan and Tiger.
Eagle: How do stocks even surge on a Sunday, Beth?
Mowins: That’s just how fucking amazing Odell Beckham Jr is! Just look at that man!
Fouts: Truly a pivotal experience for humanity as Beckham crosses the ten, gliding towards the end zone.
Beckham: This is it, baby! This is why I play. This is why I compete. This feeling of elation, man. Should I do a flip into the end zone? Oh shit, I got something for this! I’ll bust out by Trump pee tape celebration!
Fouts: He blazes past the five and this MetLife Stadium crowd is absolutely erupting! Oh, but there appears to be an obstruction at the front of the end zone…
Beckham: Wait – who is that? This is the deepest safety I’ve ever seen. Hold on — that isn’t a player. But I’m going too fast to stop.
Fouts: And this MetLife Stadium crowd explodes as Beckham breaks the goal line!
Time and space. Both measurable and rigid, yet subjective and fluid. When access to alternate dimensions exist in our own minds, how many moments — even years — might we experience in another world, absent our own true reality? And, as attractive as an escape may seem, the world will always be waiting, without mercy or remorse, always waiting as the only option for refugees and emigrants….from the Twilight Zone.