You’d think a Saturday divisional game for the playoffs would warrant the broadest audience possible. Who the hell knows anymore.

The NFL does not seem concerned with bringing the game to the widest audience, or at least enjoys—much more—petty turf wars with TV-signal providers who refuse to indulge the league with carrying the NFL Network at a premium. The cable and satellite folks see the NFLN as a seasonal thing, and there is no clamor for broadcast-everywhere Thursday Night games. But limiting only to the media-arm the Saturday games, in the last weeks of the season—well that’s just plain spite. The league once opened to other channels the NFLN broadcast of that Patriots @ Giants game, when the latter were en route to 16-0. Oh the magnanimity. Assholes.

NFL NEWS

 The Panthers announced that they’re investigating owner Jerry Richardson, for “allegations of workplace misconduct”. There are no details, but the Panthers stated that they take the allegations “very seriously” and are committed to “ensuring a safe, comfortable, and diverse work environment” before describing all protected characteristics. The team hired a law firm for the investigation, but no details on what the hell is at issue—slurs, butt slaps, passive-aggressive memos, public masturbation, revisionist history, invasion of personal space by jowls… It’s a mystery thus far. The Charlotte Observes questions whether a team can duly investigate the man who signs the checks, but has props for Erskine Bowles, the former Clinton WH chief-of-staff who’s “beyond reproach”. But Bowles was also President of UNC, so I’ll let others judge.

As expected, the Packers activated Aaron Rodgers for tomorrow’s game against the Panthers. Rodgers broke his right clavicle seven weeks ago—which is a remarkable feat of symmetry: in 2013, Rodgers also missed seven games and came back from a left collarbone. “Seven weeks? What a wuss”, exclaimed a former employee, with medical background, of a different NFL team. Pressed for an explanation for such a hot taek, the source just said “Chao time! [phonetically],” and hung up.

The Pro Bowl voting wrapped up, and the top vote getters were

The broadcasts maps for tomorrow are (all from 506sports.com):

CBS EARLY GAMES

The yellow one is Ravens @ Pauls. Small cellphones are the shit.

FOX SINGLE GAMES

CBS LATE GAME PLUS BONUS LIVE SCRIMMAGE

Turning to tonight’s game, the Shitty Clippers are hot! They’ve won four straight and—[sounds of heavy breathing]

AFC Los Angeles can get the edge on the division and they have been playing—

[heavy breathing]

What the hell is that?

[turns around]

[Via Low Commander, of course]

Ohi.

[cracks knuckles]

The mourning continues over the disgraceful move of the team to Los Angeles. May the Shitty Clippers never get any traction on any market. Not even hipster status. Kansas City won the first game back in September and they finish the season against the Dolphins and at Denver. The Clips then go to the Jets and host the Raiders. I’d say the Chefs got a tougher road to the division title, but I can’t get enthused by seeing any of them come January.

On the NHL, two more games tonight:

Tampa Bay @ Colorado – 7:00 PM Central

Nashville @ Calgary – 8:00 PM Central

The NBA: it’s December! How about alternatives: anything by Rick Moranis on SCTV.

Finally, my feelings on children in general are well known. My grandfather said it best: “Kids devalue everything”. Whenever there are brats running and being loud in a restaurant, lube / brakes place, doctor’s office, etc., my main thought is “What would Herod do?” And yet, their capacity for seminal, unadulterated joy is something precious—even for me. So I found a more than worthy cause, to bring joy, for $5 to $20, to needy families here in Puerto Rico: by buying them toys on Three Kings Day, January 6, 2018. I put the information on a separate post here. Thank you for your solidarity and interest in Puerto Rico.

NOW LET THE FRIVOLITY BEGIN!