An Intro to DFO University

Good morning students!

Flattery will get you a lot of places,  Ms. Spears,  but you’ll need a lot more than THAT to get your degree!

Ok,  see me after class.

As for the rest of you,  look at the person to your left.   Now look at the person to your right.  Now pinch their nipples. A certain number of you will drop out before earning your degree.

It is my job to make sure that number is as close to zero as possible.

Your study program consists of 5 study areas:

GAMBLING

SEX

MONEY

DRINKING

DRUGS

Within those study areas,  you must pass a lower level course as well as at least 2 (Two) 100-level courses.

To refresh your memory,  here is a description of what those entail:

Lower division courses (numbered 1-99) are often surveys offering preliminary introductions to the subject field.  They are designed primarily for freshmen and sophomores,  though upper division students may enroll for unit and grade credit.

Upper division courses (numbered 100-199) are open to all students who have met the requisites indicated in departmental requirements or the course description.

The full schedule of classes has not been released yet,  but the courses being offered will be as follows:

GAMBLING

Gambling 4 – Gambling Concepts and Theory

Gambling 101 – Sports Betting

Gambling 102 – Poker

Gambling 103 – Craps

Gambling 105 – Blackjack

Gambling 110 – Roulette

Gambling 115 – The Lottery and Keno

Gambling 122 – Horse Racing

SEX

Sex 2 – Sex in the 21st Century

Sex 101 – Basic Coitus Positions

Sex 103 – Threesomes

Sex 169 – 69 and Oral Pleasure

Sex 184 – Anal

Sex 187 – Orgies

Sex 199 – Happy Endings

MONEY

Money 5 – Basic Budgeting

Money 102 – Saving

Money 103 – Investing

Money 104 – Retirement Planning

DRINKING

Drinking 7 – Intro to Alcohol

Drinking 101 – Beer

Drinking 102 – Wine

Drinking 103 – Liquor

Drinking 104 – Cocktails

Drinking 110 – Bartending

DRUGS

Drugs 3 – Classifications and Effects

Drugs 101 – Weed

Drugs 111 – Opiates

Drugs 134 – Meth

Drugs 165 – Cocaine

Drugs 174 – Extacy

Class offerings are subject to change depending on the availability of the instructors.

For each class,  there will be a Final Exam which will count for 100% of your grade.

Any questions?

Ms. Spears,  In my office.  NOW!