Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Hessdalen Lights

The Maestro
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The Maestro

The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn’t in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
The Maestro
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Hi all – Coach Carroll, reporting in. Gotta say, I was pretty cheesed, just like many of you were, about the President’s comments on immigration the other week. Pretty awful stuff to say, you know. And why Norway? Why there, of all places? It’s a pretty cool spot, from what I hear. Lots of wealth, good education, health care, all kinds of good stuff. What do they want to come here for if they’re so happy there? Besides… they’ve got these crazy-ass lights over there that I went to check out this past week. Wild stuff. Check it out below!

THE HESSDALEN LIGHTS

[source]

Location: Hessdalen Valley, Norway

Date: 1930s – present

The Story: From the 1930s onwards, there have been hundreds of sightings of  extremely unusual light patterns over the Hessdalen Valley, in central Norway. The exact appearance and behavior of these lights tends to vary, but their erratic nature has led many people to believe that they are some variety of UFO sighting. UFO-Norge and UFO Sweden have both been heavily involved in investigating this phenomenon, with no clear answers as of yet. The lights appear over the river valley, and appear to float in a stationary manner, though sometimes they can move about with great speed; they can also appear in bright white, yellow, or red, depending on the appearance. The duration of the lights can also vary greatly; sometimes they will only appear for a few seconds at a time, while other times they may last for well over an hour.

The Hessdalen Lights. [source]

What’s Weird: The first known sighting of the lights occurred in the 1930s, but activity and sightings peaked in between 1981 to 1984, with hundreds of sightings in those years, including both nighttime and daytime sightings. In more recent years, the lights have been much less frequent, with only about 15-20 sightings annually. A study of the area also shows that there is no heightened seismic activity or radioactivity in the region, likely ruling out those as possible causes for the appearance of the lights. The lights also appear somewhat similar to ball lightning (another unexplained phenomenon), but unlike ball lightning, which is extremely short-lived and leaves scorch marks on the ground due to its extreme heat and concentration, these lights appear to be much cooler in temperature, and also sterilize soil upon contact as well.

Regardless of the source of the lights, the Hessdalen Valley has become a popular tourism spot, with many people travelling there each year in hopes of seeing the phenomenon for themselves; many others believe that the lights are actually caused by unnatural forces – including the possibility of UFOs from elsewhere in the universe.

If you want to see a video of the lights in action, check out below!

What might have happened?

A team of scientists from Italy believe that the mineral content of the valley may be acting as a giant natural battery that ends up powering the lights for periods of time. With one side of the valley rich in minerals such as iron and zinc, and the other rich in copper, which acts as a cathode, the reactions with a sulphuric river form a weak acid, which acts as a strong electrical conductor. Fellow researchers from Norway believe that the charge builds up to a strong illumination when water vapour from the river, which is rich in sulphur, reacts with humid air in the valley to created ionized gas, resulting in strong electrical currents visible by the naked eye. Italian researchers also noted a shift in electromagnetic currents in the valley before the appearance of the lights, which may also suggest that the strong electromagnetism results in the concentration of light over one spot (and occasional erratic behavior).

[source]

Coach Carroll’s Hypothesis: Fuck what scientists have to say. That’s aliens, and I know. You know it. We all know it. Clear as day right there. The REAL question is why there? Why now? What could interest them about the middle of nowhere? Of course, you see Peter King interested in Wichita in all his columns, so maybe we should send him as an envoy to chat with these little fellers about why nowhere is so goddamn interesting, apparently. Plus it’ll keep him away from my training camp for that much longer, apparently.

Information for this article taken from here, here, here, and here

Banner image courtesy of Low Commander of the Super Soldiers.

The Maestro
The Maestro
The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn't in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

And yet he probably assumes the Taos Hum is just his tinnitus.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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The whole bit about the anode/cathode rocks seems plausible. If only geology was a more prevalent major among college football players; maybe one of them could help explain it.

Viva La Tabula Raza
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Viva La Tabula Raza

As a geologist, let me just say that the sub-specialty of electrogeology has been widely overlooked since the 1850s by my colleagues, even the non-football playing ones, in favor of more lucrative fields such as seismology and petroleum geology. I don’t even know if there’s a school that offers post-graduate studies in this field anymore.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

How did I not already know that you’re a geologist?
Holy shit, Imma get so drunk one of these days and annoy the shit outta you with stupid (to you at least probably) questions.

/presses play on old “How The Universe Works” episodes

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

This one is simple to explain…

When God gets bored, he pulls out his giant laser pointer and treats us like the dumb puddytats we are.
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LemonJello
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LemonJello

Just as long as the power is set low.
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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

We deserve full power.

Senor Weaselo
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“That’s not just the Moon, it’s also a space station.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

THIS GUY PETE CARROLL I CALL HIM STEPHEN MILLER BECAUSE HE’S OBSESSED WITH ALIENS

King Hippo
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Heard this on way to work, is my mood, fits Coach Carroll’s thread:

rockingdog
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rockingdog

Good stuff Maestro!

…..found this. Super Bowl Preview LOL! gotta love the Rocky music vs. Jedi Temple March music as background tunes to go along with the highlights!

bk109
Active Member
bk109

lol, you guys didn’t know about this bloke? I assumed that you knew,lol – might as well try this one as well (he’s about as calm and collected as the lot of you after the AFCCG :p )

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Fun fact: the Swedish spell the country name as Sverige and it sounds a lot like Verga which is Spanish slang for dick and the country’s shape looks like a droopy dick with Finland as the balls.

This is a dick joke blog, right?

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I knew a guy in elementary and middle school whose go-to exclamation was “a la verga” and somehow got away with it.

StuScott Booyahs
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StuScott Booyahs

when some rube tries to tell you that there’s a natural explanation for such phenomenon

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