World Cup 2018: Switzerland

FIFA Rank:  6th!  That’s good!

World Cup Group:  The one with Brazil! (Group E)  That’s bad!

Hey, How’d They Get Here?:  They finished second in the their European qualifying division, defeating Northern Ireland on a controversial penalty kick for a handball that never touched the Irish guy’s hand.  That said, the Swiss also beat everyone other than Portugal in their group and probably deserved to go.

Hey, How Are The Swiss At This World Cup Thing?:  This is their 10th overall appearance and 4th consecutive trip.  Their best finish was a trip to the quarterfinals in 1954.

What Players Should I Look For?:  According to some stuff I just read on the internet, (and which therefore must be true), Switzerland’s strength is on the flanks.  They also supposedly have trouble scoring goals.  Seems like a contradiction to me but then, no one’s asking me to coach any soccer teams.  Their better players are the captain Stephan Lichsteiner, (Juventus), Xherdan Shaqiri, (who played for Stoke until they got relegated; he will surely wind up somewhere else before the start of next season), Ricardo Rodriguez, (Milan), and Granit Xhaka of Arsenal.

Any Cool Nicknames?:  They’re apparently called “The National Team” which is, a) very Swiss and b) a hard “no” on the cool nickname thing.

How Are The Fans?:

Comely.

How Are The Swiss Going To Do?:  It seems like the 1954 team is still going to hold the record for “Best Performance By A Swiss Team At The World Cup.”  Brazil is heavily favored to win the group.  Switzerland is favored to finish second, but could have some trouble with the Costa Rican and/or Serbian teams.  They allegedly should beat both, but with everyone probably conceding the Group to Brazil the battle for second is going to be intense.  As with most things FIFA it’ll come down to team depth, a little luck, and whoever had the most petty cash around to throw at the ref at a crucial moment.  And you should never, ever bet against the Swiss when “petty cash” comes into play.

Then they’ll advance out of group play and likely match up with Germany and that’s going to be the end of that for the Swiss.

Things That Interest Hippo:  Switzerland is 6:1 to win Group E.  This is not a good bet unless Brazil gets lost on the way to Russia.

Editor’s Note: We have a World Cup Pool!! Please click the link below to sign up:

https://www.pooltracker.com/join.asp?poolid=149105

The pool password is “Balls”

As always,  there will be a fabulous prize given to the winner.  Join today!!

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Don T

I’ve always hated that team. Every World Cup game of theirs is a fucking 1-0 slog. Good to cheer for the Swiss to get their asses kicked for boring, but points for getting the Irish shafted again on a handball. I like the Irish, but that tradition is too outrageous to end.

Wakezilla

The Swiss are ranked sixth in the world? Most overrated sixth seed ever or another damning commentary about FIFA?

ballsofsteelandfury

I honestly thought that was a typo.

litre_cola

The IOC agrees.

ballsofsteelandfury

BREAKING NEWS: Peru’s captain has been reinstated and can play at World Cup after rival captains wrote a letter on his behalf!

That’s outstanding!

Game Time Decision

and it’s not like cocaine helps increase the person play.

but good on the other captains for stepping up

Wakezilla

So… Has Peru lifted the curse by exumming mummies to prove Guerrero’s innocence or did they just bring on a curse?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So it’s boring AND we shouldn’t bet on it?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve never been to Switzerland, but…

When I was back there in seminary school…

Wait, let me start again. When I was back there in graduate school in Johannesburg, I was in a program where the classes were in one week blocks followed by a single exam. During my last semester there, my consulting contract was over so I had no reason to be in Jo’burg other than for class, so I rented a cottage on the coast near Durban and just commuted up there for the week when I needed to. There was a backpackers place in Fourways (not far from the lion park where that poor Game of Thrones producer got killed – I got to play with lion cubs and even see the newborns there) that I often stayed at when I needed to be in town. For whatever reason, my luck with women there was extraordinary.

Riding on that wave of self-confidence, I took a swing at a very pretty (and rather aloof) Swiss girl who was staying there. She wasn’t interested, but surprised me later by changing her mind. I remember going to see a movie with her and making out afterward, then a bit more in the evening. You know how sometimes you can just tell that some girls come from old money? She was like that. I guess her mother was a fairly prominent politician back home.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hehehe….Fourways.

No wonder you had good luck there!

ballsofsteelandfury

You know how sometimes you can just tell that some girls come from old money?

They hide you and treat you like a scooter?