INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY.

We join the show already in progress…

COURTNEY BROWN: Hey, so people can call in and request songs?

PRODUCER: Yes. That countdown I gave you? That meant the show was starting.  Playing music is what we are supposed to be doing right now.

BROWN: Can we make outgoing calls?

PRODUCER: Yeah, but…

BROWN: I need you to call this number…[dictates digits]…right now.

PRODUCER: Maybe we could get some music going while…

BROWN: It’s really important.

PRODUCER: Fine.  [opens external line, punches in numbers]

PHONE: [ring, ring]

BROWN: Damnit, James, pick up.

— [phone flies open] — 

JAMES JETT: [distantly over the sound of a crowd] HELLO?

BROWN: Yo, James!  It’s Courtney!

JETT: WHO IS THIS?

BROWN: COURTNEY. COURTNEY BROWN. FROM THE CLEVELAND BROWNS.

JETT: I’M SORRY I CAN’T HEAR YOU SO GOOD. I’M IN A RESTAURANT.  I GOTTA JET, I’LL CALL YOU BACK, ALL RIGHT?

BROWN: Sure, but…

JETT: [hangs up]

BROWN: Ah, [censored], let’s try another one.

PRODUCER: You realize we are on the air right now.  We need to start playing some music…

BROWN: One more. [lists off sequence of numbers]

PRODUCER: [does a superb Bill Belichick impression, then punches in numbers]

— [phone flies open] —

MIKE QUICK: Hey, Courtney, I’m driving, can I call you back?

BROWN: Wait! I’m on the radio!  Change the station to KDFO!

QUICK: [changes station]

There is a tremendous blast of feedback. The PRODUCER hammers a button, cutting off the phone call.  He sits and glares at COURTNEY BROWN.

BROWN: [feeling his glare] I’m sorry, man, this is a mess.

PRODUCER: Many people assured me you’d be good at this.

BROWN: How about I just play a song?

PRODUCER: Yeah, that’d be good.

BROWN: Today’s theme is “Eponymous.” Songs where the name of the song is the name of the band.

PRODUCER: That’s like, ten songs total.

BROWN: Okay, how about songs that are the same name as the album.

PRODUCER: No. That’s too many songs.

BROWN: Hmm.  Maybe also songs that have names in them.

PRODUCER: That’s even worse.  That’s like, every song ever.

BROWN: How about only songs that are about naming things. Like, “You Can Call Me Al” and stuff.

PRODUCER: [sighs] Sure.

BROWN: I’ll get us started with a song called “In a Big Country” by a band called “Big Country”.

PRODUCER: This is the worst episode of this show ever.