Your “Oh Gawd! I Can’t Feel My Eyes!” Sunday Afternoon NFL Thread

The football. It burns! But in a good way. There’s still more to come. TO THE GAMES!

Saints/Ravens:

For the seeming twenty-eleventh year in a row, Baltimore has thrown together a magnificent smash-your-teeth-in defense that takes no prisoners. It’s the sort of unit that had very little trouble white-washing the Titans last week but faces an uphill battle today. What with rb Ingram back and the youngster wr Tre’Quan Smith spreading his newly-sprouted wings, the Saints have more than enough tools in their kit to put pressure on the Ravens. I’m guessing that if Ingram and wr Scott get nullified by an 8 man front and Jimmy Smith respectively, there will be space for Kamala to do his thing. I’m thinking a Saints win and Brees gets just a single TD throw and a W.

Rams/Niners:

All signs point to a beat down but what of “roadkill” Goff? He does love himself his home field after all. But lo, a hobbled cb Sherman (a game-timer) appears on the horizon. No matter. The numbers don’t lie-the Niners give up 4 ypr and the Rams average 5.1. That means that Gurley will be doing damage to the tune of 4.55 yards each and every time he rushes. That should be enough to put San Fran to bed.

Cowboys/Dacted’s:

Rumor goin’ round the Washington camp is that they are kicking the tires on Amari Cooper. Because of course they are. They love big-name players that under-produce. Meanwhile, over in Dallasland them ‘Boys are inquiring about acquiring the services about the aforementioned Cooper. Because of course they are. The love themselves those larger-than-life wr’s that over-talk their talent. This tilt is supposedly going to separate the wheat from the chaff in the NFC East but the analogy fails when no one can find any wheat in the division whatsoever.

[wipes sweat from brow] I, uh, we, can do this! [faints]

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Fronkenshteen

He actually took a sack on a free play. Fascinating.

Fronkenshteen

Oh great. A 56 point Over, and we get THIS Dalton tonight. Fuck me.

Gratliff

Now very happy about the results.

THAT WAS NOT A SNAP VIOLATION. THAT WAS OFFSIDES WASHINGTON. THAT WAS ROBBERY. THAT KICK WOULD'VE BEEN GOOD FROM 42.

— Skip Bayless (@RealSkipBayless) October 21, 2018

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Gratliff

Whoopsie doo. Skipping past the titty bits to get to the family friendly stabbing part.

Gratliff

Sweet jesus fuck. Tomorrow is Giants and Falcons. Can we cancel that fucking thing?

yeah right

Cosign!

Doktor Zymm

LOL, this is funny both because it’s Dallas losing, and because the Redacteds are way too shitty to be division leaders. If they keep this up they’re gonna be murderlized in the wild card

Gratliff

Useless motherfuckers. LEast they could do was drag the Slurs back down.

Doktor Zymm

DOINK

Redshirt

DONG!

Petronel

Shankh’lor!

Col. Duke LaCross

PRAISE SHAN’KLOR!

King Hippo

DOINK!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

DOINK!

yeah right

Stop pretending that you made “7 Nation Army” a thing Baltimorons.

Redshirt

I don’t get that anyway. I’m not dissing the song (its probably good), but when a whole crowd does it, it sounds stupid.

UH! UH-UH-UH UH-UH UH-UH!

yeah right

If I was a marching band director

/ shudders

There would be a sign on the entrance to the band room that says “No 7 Nation Army.”

Both of my daughters were in band.

yeah right

And for the record I fucking love White Stripes.

Redshirt

…or you can have a play ready and snap the ball as soon as you can.

Spur

Go for the win Garrett. Grow a set

King Hippo

4 yard pass, middle of field? Lucky it was incomplete

Gratliff

Dak has to give up some accuracy for distance

Gratliff

Catching up on the fallout from the Eagles game and Reid and Jenkins (and maybe Smith) may need to just go out back and settle some shit properly.

King Hippo

Dingleberry ran OUT OF BOUNDS??

Spur

No onside kick?

King Hippo

see commentary below

King Hippo

DAL is too stupid to live if they kick deep

King Hippo

Because even if they get the 3-and-out, they are SUCH a hot-shit 1-minute passing offense

yeah right

Could have stopped with “Dallas is too stupid to live.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit Ravens.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh well, at least my soup is good.
(yeah, you’re jealous, you know you are)

yeah right

Might have to slip a brother a recipe.

yeah right

Holy shit kids, Holy shit!

That was a most glorious grilling session. Once in awhile everything turns out exactly as expected.

You know what stole the show? The grilled corn-on-the cob. Fucking balls!

When I lived in the Midwest this was peak corn season and I guess that applies out here too.

A fine eating indeed!

Drinks! We need drinks!

King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! are playing they walk-ons

King Hippo

It’s like God grabbed the ball and yanked it away. Tucker must have masturbated today.

Spur

Haha ravens kicker is a deadman

Gatoraids

That’s a stabbin

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

-Blair Walsh

King Hippo

you saved it for JUST THE RIGHT TIME!

King Hippo

Tucker misses first EVAR extra point.

King Hippo

the 2x points from the last RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! TD probably are enough for safety, but I am still glad to fade OT. Better safe than sorry.

Gratliff

A Chicago psychologist and a Chicago groundskeeper at a graveyard both having a conversation using classic English accents. Love this movie.

yeah right

That’s a good set up for a joke.

King Hippo

6-1 in money league, thanks to that beautiful delay screen play, Buster to Gurley Man. That is just sexy stuff.

Gratliff

Eagles have gifted two wins so far this season and have a losing record. They’re gonna win the division by week 12.

King Hippo

Payton fucked up there. He needed to run the ball twice. Fuck the FG.