Your “The Likeliest Outcome Has Been Predetermined” Monday Evening Open Thread

Today was the first day back at school, and I arrived afflicted with the planet’s deadliest plague –

The Man Cold.

I bravely soldiered on, yet was not lauded by my colleagues for strength in the face of adversity. So, tomorrow I’m coughing right into the coffee pot.

NFL News: Hippo’s got you covered with a Sunday rundown, so I’ll sweep up the garbage

• Well, people have ‘got’ Cody Parkey’s back:
  • Philadelphia idiots have been sending money to “Cody Parkey” through Venmo as a thank-you for missing the kick.
    • Leading enterprising Illinoisans to set up fake Parkey accounts so they get the money instead.
  • the All-22 has “proof” Eagles DB Treyvon Hester got his mitt on the kick, which – although slight – might have had enough effect to change the spin rotation.

All-22 footage clearly shows Treyvon Hester got a piece of Cody Parkey’s final FG attempt vs. Eagles. pic.twitter.com/kAZdjdXug4

— Nick Shook (@TheNickShook) January 7, 2019

Deadspin has the Spanish call of the kick, and it’s delightful.

• Also excited about the Bears loss? The Raiders.
  • The Bears, by virtue of record, were slotted into the #24 spot in the 2019 Draft, which is the Raiders’ pick from the Khalil Mack trade.
  • If Dallas craps out this weekend, their pick that belongs to the Raiders would be 25th or 26th, depending on how the Eagles do.

• Who’s up for some Monday beef? 
  • Chargers OL Russell Okung claims Roger Goodell doesn’t want them to win, saying “Roger Goodell doesn’t want us to come home.”
  • The Broncos are blocking teams from interviewing Gary Kubiak for available Offensive coordinator positions.
  • Bears DC Vic Fangio has turned down the Dolphins, but will interview with the Broncos for their Head Coaching position.

Finally, more will likely come out tomorrow, but it appears the Packers have made their coaching decision already.

The #Packers are hiring former #Titans OC Matt LaFleur as their new head coach, source said. ESPN on it first. They’ve made the first hire.

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) January 7, 2019

All that remains is the inevitable recriminations & hand-wringing about the Rooney Rule.

Tonight’s main attraction:

• College Football Playoff National Championship:
  • Clemson vs. Alabama – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN

Based on the internet, there’s way more hate for Alabama

than Clemson

Most Clemson hate seems to come from Gamecock fans, because ‘bama fans have other concerns, or don’t care about opinions east of their state. This game (sigh) should go Saban’s way if only because of all the key players Clemson had suspended before the Cotton Bowl.

I do enjoy the fact that the trophy they’re playing for

looks like someone mashed together a Georgia O’Keeffe (thanks Sharkbait)

& a Mark Rothko.

It’s the college football equivalent of watching the Patriots & Steelers play, because each fanbase thinks the rest of the country is against them & that they’re hard done by, yet have been the two most successful programs in the last 10 years. They are both led by insufferable head coaches, for whom the process is everything and they are the true stars. The organizations preach team above all-else, and that their model of efficiency it the true test of their commitment to excellence. The only difference is that the college players aren’t paid.

Alabama & Clemson, much like the Steelers & Patriots, and their fans, can go jump off a fucking cliff. This game should end in a tie due to accidental release of tear gas in the stadium.

Tonight’s other sports:

• NHL:
  • Blues at Flyers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • Kings at Sharks – 10:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
• WWE:
  • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
    • They are bringing back Hogan, Ric Flair & others for a Mean Gene celebration.
      • Please enjoy this classic WWF bit with Mean Gene & Randy Savage.

WHATCHA GONNA DO?!