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Your “Failing To Plan Is Planning To Fail” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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The district was short people this morning, so I got called in. Apologies for the haphazard presentation, but earning extra Spring Break drinking money will always take priority.

NFL Nuggets:

  • As expected, Blake Bortles & his lifetime 24-49 record were released by the Jags Tuesday evening.
    • He’s sure to latch on as a backup somewhere, assuming the role of “smirking bastard” Chad Henne had behind him.

 

  • Proving it’s a new era in Baltimore, Lamar Jackson Instagrammed himself (since deleted) doing 105 mph in his car while also not wearing a seatbelt.
    • But don’t worry – after a stern talking to – he’s totes recognized the error of his ways.

  • The Saints restructured Drew Brees’ contract to push more of his guaranteed money into future years.
    • They pushed $20 million of his contract into 2020, in order to free up $10.8 million in cap space for 2019.
      • It’s not Bobby Bonilla getting paid $1.2 million per year until 2035, but it’s a sizable chunk staring them down when they eventually rebuild without Brees.
  • KJ Wright is staying in Seattle, making Beastmode & I very happy.
    • Unlike our failed marriage.
    • It’s 2 years totaling $15 million.
  • Seattle also signed kicker Jason Myers away from the Jets.
    • Four years & $15.5 million should provide some stability to a part of the Hawks lineup that used to be automatic.
  • The Raiders released Jordy Nelson & AJ McCarron.
    • Nelson because his salary ran up against the cap room they needed for Antonio Brown.
    • McCarron because they don’t want his wife anywhere near Brent Musburger when they move to Las Vegas.

Finally, the Giants have found Eli a new target in Golden Tate, who’s now in the Meadowlands for four years.

  • Let’s see how Giants fans are reacting to both decisions:

https://twitter.com/richg85_rich/status/1106305536407027712

   

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Penguins at Sabres – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Predators at Kings – 10:30PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Lakers at Raptors – 8:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
    • Mavericks at Nuggets – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • ACC Basketball Tournament:
      • Louisville vs. U*NC – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
      • Syracuse vs. Duke – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Big 12 Basketball Tournament:
      • Texas Tech vs. West Virginia – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
      • Kansas vs. Texas – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
    • Big East Basketball Tournament:
      • Marquette vs. St. John’s or DePaul – 7:00PM | FS1
      • Seton Hall vs. Georgetown – 9:30PM | FS1
    • American Athletic Basketball Tournament:
      • Tulsa vs. SMU – 8:00PM | ESPNU
      • Wichita State vs. East Carolina – 10:00PM | ESPNU
    • Atlantic 10 Basketball Tournament:
      • St. Louis vs. Richmond or Fordham – 8:30PM | NBCSN
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Brick Meathook

This is a pretty cool video. No narration, no music, no nothin’ except a Japanese guy carving up a giant tuna, from whole all the way down to prepared sushi. He uses a Santoku knife at first (my good kitchen knife is a German-made Zwilling Santoku and it’s awesome) but halfway through he switches to a long thin knife that I believe is called a Yanagi. It seems sharp as shit. In fact, I don’t know how this guy still has all of his fingers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65rxBoi74C8

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Unsurprised

.

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Unsurprised

.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Porky Prime

HTFYDB?

Bassetbaw notes: With leak of emails where she disdainfully mocks the Clippers, uses her own coup against her brother as an example of her power, and calls Steve Ballmer “Ballz” (which is brilliant on multiple levels, but uncalled for) Jeannie Buss has broken the glass ceiling and become the first female basketball owner (and second in sports after Georgia Frontiere) to join the club of “Arrogant Dickweeds Who Inherit Everything Yet Act Like It’s Earned.”

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Senor Weaselo

Steve Ballmer fingergunz shop, anyone?

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Beerguyrob

Virginia McCaskey would like you to hold her Metamucil.

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SonOfSpam

Look, Jeannie Buss may be everything you said, but don’t you DARE put her in the same sentence as the hellbeast Frontiere. That is all.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

The woman on the right fucked Yvonne DeCarlo.

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Porky Prime

SOS: she’s not in Georgia’s league, but I now fully accept the Lakers as Knicks West. She’s Dolan, except she doesn’t have a band, and she had a Playboy spread, which was nice and all. Magic = Isiah (or NY Phil, either or, really). LeBron = Melo

Ready to quit on the NBA altogether.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Spread is more of a Penthouse thing….

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SonOfSpam

I mean…I get it, I do. And the Lakers have been run poorly for a while. But she has good bewbs. And we’re definitely not the Knicks. Still, Lakers are my team 4evr because I’m immature.

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Porky Prime

If, when Jean-Ralphio and Tom, I mean Magic and Pelinka, get themselves fired, and Jeannie brings in a real knowledgeable GM and President that understand team building rather than “STARZ GET RINGZ, GET ME STARZ”, I will happily retract my statement. If she hires Phil, February to April is strictly fight season.

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SonOfSpam

Fair enough. You certainly haven’t said anything wrong, but…
1) I’ll always root for the Lakers
2) Georgia Frontiere is in hell where she belongs

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Santana’s lesser known song. Not quite as catchy.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice.

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Porky Prime

Honestly, if they hire a decent coach to replace poor Luke and sign a decent FA who isn’t Boogie Cousins, I’ll gladly give them another chance. This year has just been like the crest of the six year wave that even LeBron couldn’t surf.

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Senor Weaselo

Fight season deserves a drink for it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEMlvjJ9uxo

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

We shall henceforth call him Steve Benwa

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Where is the other one?

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Doktor Zymm

Mass shooting in New Zealand 🙁
Next time I’m gone for a bit and come back I’ll try not to bear shitty news

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Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

I truly can’t imagine going to a peaceful safe place and just… never coming home. Every time there’s a new shooting it makes me question if I want to have kids and bring them into this hellscape world. Idk… shit sucks. I hope the people who died are at peace.

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SonOfSpam

Yes, have kids. The world’s still a wonderful magic place and your kids will help it become more so.

But for fucks sake, keep an eye on ’em.

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Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Perhaps I’ll let them choose their favorite team so they can at least have a chance to know SOME joy.

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SonOfSpam

Of course. Your hell doesn’t need to be their hell.

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Porky Prime

Kids are worth it, even if the world isn’t.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is fake; the Borgias never lived in an apartment.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is this a José Hose B joke?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It would be funnier if it was…..

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucrezia_Borgia

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SonOfSpam

For the millionth time, fuck white people.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Jay Leno said the late night hosts are being totally unfair to Heir Cheeto.

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Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

He made a hell of a living making fun of Clinton and Bush so he has zero right to talk.

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SonOfSpam

Jay Leno can get fucked with any of his douchecars. Just go die and let the grownups talk.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed, it comes of a bit…..

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Quite popular exercise machine.

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Senor Weaselo

It’s a Craig Ferguson night? Fair enough.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvPxRyIWWX8

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Have you watched the HBO Robin Williams thing? Funny and depressing, damn it.

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Porky Prime

Between the Robin Williams and Andre the Giant docs, HBO has a solid lock on the “smile for 45 minutes then bawl like Rocky crying over Mickey for the other 15” niche.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nope, it was just really dusty at my house at that particular time. The Gary Shandling one was like that too, fuckers.

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Senor Weaselo

As opposed to Dear Zachary, which is *checks run time* 95 minutes of straight bawling

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SonOfSpam

She seems nice.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d buy her dinner.

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