Welcome to this year’s edition of me spouting off my mouth recklessly and stupidly.  Due to the generosity of the #ContentFairy (no ofence), we are smushing these into two entries this season.  Yes, the play-in games are covered here to keep you on-schedule.

Also yes, I fucking know that Eastern Washington ain’t in the field.  But if you missed their cheer squad…holy cats, should you ever have been ignoring the ACCT final for the Big Sky showdown.  Yowza.  You made the big dance in mah pants, ladies.

1) The “Fuck You” Regional (i.e., East)

Who Can Reasonably Win?  Look here, see.  The CBS/NCAA Cabal made one region far, far weaker than the rest (which are fairly balanced) – and it’s Duke’s.  Knock me over with a goddamned feather, why don’t you?  Also, there are three ACC sides here, despite only 7 in the whole enchilada (insert 20-minute bitter rant about NC State being left out for chum like tOSU, St. John’s, and most annoyingly, shit-ass Arizona State).  Did Coach K give preferences to the committee?  Would you be surprised?  I mean, Michigan State is a deserving #2 seed (and who most Duke haters will have on their brackets), but they had a key player’s ankle go ‘splodey in the B1G final.

Who Can Make a Little Run?  A round full of over-seeded pretenders (hai, LSU with your suspended head coach!) means there can be ample upset fun.  Yale and especially the Belmont/Temple winner are super capable of a Sweet 16 run before getting crushed by Sparty.  I want a Belmont run, but Temple is always a weird team to face.  And many/most office pools allow you to select the winner of the play-in, regardless of who it is.  Or maybe Minnesota and Pitino the Lesser knock out their conference neighbours in Round Two, making Duke’s path even MOAR rose petal-filled.

And the Hippo Grudging Nod Oscar Goes To…  Duke (confidence level – high as Snoop Lion).  I don’t like it, you don’t like it, nobody outside of the media (ok, and New Jersey) likes it.  But it’s gonna happen anyway.  Zion, Zion!, ZION!!!!

2) The “Surfer Hepatitis” Regional (i.e., West)

Who Can Reasonably Win?  Scrolls down to see who Gonzaga plays in the second round.  Holy cats, Syracuse.  I will have at least one bracket with them going all the way to a third matchup with Coach Satan K.  They won in Durham, lost in upstate NY.  The MOAR u noe!  There’s also a very good, very tall, very deep Florida State squadron, despite their predilection to fuck Hippo over when he picks them.  And of course Meechigan.  Goddamned Beilein and that Nazi fuck and all that weave and heave shit.  They could win it all, they could lose to Montana.  Such is the life of the gunner side.

Who Can Make a Little Run?  I have no respect for Guns Up! in basketballing.  Sorry, Big Twaaaalve.  Nor do I the Johnnie Cakes or Sparky.  That means Buffalo (they are the good minnows this year, nae Wofford – despite the similar seeding) could very easily play Team Creating a Homeland FOAR White Childrens (the Northern Kentucky Norse) for a Sweet Sixteen bid.  That gets me a raging semi two full weeks ahead!  And Florida could fuck off the Wolverines, pushing Buffalo to the regional final, which would be so awesome that it has abso-fucking-lutely no chance to actually happen.  I hate everything.  Of course, Murray State can beat Wojo’s Marquette – but beware, everybody will pick that.  Pot odds…not so great.

And the Hippo Grudging Nod Oscar Goes To…  Florida State (confidence level – low as a snake’s belly).  Look, I don’t like picking so many ACC teams.  There is no doubt an assload of familiarity bias going on.  Please remember that I am very stupid, and should never be relied on for anything.  But a region where the 1 seed sucks and the 2 just chucks up threes all day – there can be chaos.  When the poker table is loose, one should play tight.  If you got anyone tighter than Scowling Leonard, Hippo is all ears.