Tyrel Jackson Williams: Hello everyone and welcome to another week of The Wednesdayer.  We are, after discussing the topic last week, back on schedule with this weeks edition and — well, I have to be honest here — I didn’t get back any response to my show notes questions to Peter so I’m not entirely sure what we’re covering this week. So Peter, care to enlighten us?

Peter King: Before anything else, I just want to give a big congratulations to the future Mr and Mrs J.J. Watt, who were engaged last month. Watt followed up the engagement with an excellent social media announcement showing the seaside scene where he and his lovely bride-to-be, Kealia Ohai, took some breathtaking photos.

Williams: Well we wish a big congratulations to them.

King: It was, to be frank, an engagement done the right way. And the SheSaidYes hashtag? MUAH! Magnifique.

Williams: Of course we are very excited for the couple and wish them the best. So Peter, what else is on today’s agenda?

King: That’s your job.

Williams: Yeah. I emailed you on Saturday and you never got back to me. I asked what you wanted me to put together?

King: Oh young Charles —

Williams: Tyrel.

King: — you’re about as dumb as Bryan Glazer. You just asked me to provide feedback but it is your job to get the show schedule put together. See the difference?

Williams: Yeah but we’re supposed to be a team looking out for the best interests of the show overall and —

King: Tell it to Ndamukong Suh. We live in a nation of laws and you, like the Bucaneers, need to read the fine print.

Williams: You are referring to the Buccaneers nearly $20 million claim from the Deepwater Horizon settlement fund being rejected by an appellate court last month?

King: I am! Rules are rules and contracts are everything. They’re the NFL rulebook of the construction world. It’s not about if you like any contact to the head of a runner getting a flag, that’s just the rule Danny Trevathan. Same deal. If taking monthly project photos is the owner’s point of emphasis, set a reminder on your phone and set up a Walgreens account. Holy hell, they’re like forty cents and I t’ll actually be more fun than you think. But it’s not a choice — if it is in writing then it is the rule — and no one can complain over a typo or an assumption.

Williams: You say contract details are sport?

King: It’s all just sport! No one cares any more negatively about the Bucs knowing they pulled this sleaze. Personally, I think it says great things for what Bruce Arians is building over there. You got time, as an owner, to be appealing — BECAUSE ONE COURT ALREADY SAID YOU WERE TRYING TO PULL A FAST ONE — and spending the money to say, “no, I’m not wrong; you’re wrong and give me $20 MILLION OF THE PUBLIC’S DOLLARS!”? That means you know BA has everything under control back at HQ, know what I mean?

Williams: Shameless.

King: EXACTLY! Pulling a contract technicality or refusing any mays is the bat flip of the contracting world. You don’t like getting charged a short-load fee because you didn’t read the contract fine print touchdown celebrations thrown in your face? Keep them out of the end zone. Going to argue that they’re not including paint because “show me where it says I have to include paint” and you can’t? Well, then you ain’t getting paint AND you’re an asshole for demanding as such. Contractors are just used car dealers with a more inconsistent line of product quality and dependability.

Williams: Seems like something that would be off-putting to announce so frankly.

King: Hey, it goes both ways. The BP payout terms were overly simple — just show a 15% revenue reduction over a three-month period between May and December of 2010 with a 10% increase over the same three-month period in 2011. Tampa Bay’s claim was only rejected because they so obviously cooked their books to meet these targets in their claim. Know what the punishment for their attempt to defraud a fund that was supposed to help businesses actually hurt by the oil spill? A one-line quip in the judgement highlighting that the tragedy clearly didn’t hurt the team’s on-field performance as they improved to a ten-win season in 2010. It reads, “The Bucs have not had a 10-win season since,”

Williams: What about concerns that this would hurt public support for the teams? Like we often discuss, reputation is everything.

King: Not with the government. Contracts are everything, Charles! The Bucs lost this one but the Tampa Bay Lightning received over $700,000 for their oil spill claim. Oh sure, both parties asked the court to seal their files but, come on, in the era of 24 hour news cycles you’re more likely to see Jamal Khashoggi give a speech at CPAC than see a professional sports team owner even be lightly pressed by anyone in sports journalism about lying to fleece a recovery fund out of Jameis Winston’s contract rate for a year.

Williams: Still…

King: Still nothing, Charles! There’s no flag for flopping. It’s a free for all. You want to be the bigger man out there and not turn the knife when you see that OEM manuals are not included in the submittals? Well who is the largest man in the NFL? That’s right, Cam Newton. And what do the refs let happen to Cam Newton? That’s right, they let everyone take head shots at him and then everyone says he has an attitude problem when he scoffs at a stupid question from a stupid reporter.

Williams: So maybe Cam was right not to bother diving for that fumble in the Super Bowl?

King: Well, Cam Newton is a millionaire diva. Us hardworking joes, we need to find these loopholes to keep the doors open and make payroll every week. It’s a fine line; one that Florida professional sports owners know how to walk perfectly.

Williams: So that’s all the time we have this week. Cross your t’s and dot your i’s — or get figuratively crucified. See you all next time on The Wednesdayer.

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