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Your “Minimum Effort” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

theeWeeBabySeamus

/

,

Not much talky talk tonight.  Almost none at all, actually.  I’m not in the mood.

Besides, the more I talk, the more I get myself into trouble.  So let’s not pull on that thread right now.

What did I just say????

Tonight is very quiet, Sportzballing-wise.  Sorry.  Plus I gotta wash clothes and pack to head to California in the morning.

I hate doing laundry.

–

Lack Of Sports Which Will You Will Hate 2Nite

NHL

Nothing.  St. Louis and Boston tied 2-2.  Game Five happens on Thursday.

NBA

Nothing.  Golden State and Toronto tied 1-1.  Game Three happens on Wednesday.

MLB

Nothing national (sigh).

Check your locals

Full Schedule

NCAA Baseball Tourney

Nothing until the weekend, all Regionals completed.

Not much going on tonight.  It’s going to take a team effort to get us through.

–

I Also Hate Airlines

I have to wash clothes and pack so I can get on a plane tomorrow morning, so I’m out.

So it’s up to you guys to make it work tonight.

Hopefully Moose will get something going.

–

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

A girl I knew from high school got popped for blowing a 0.32 on her way home from the bar.

Usually you’re supposed to wait until they’re 18.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A 0.32? I mean, I’m sure he was ugly but people are taking this rating thing way too far.

0
Wakezilla

So, did I miss anything tonight?

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4
ALXMAC

Thigh gap +1

-1
Brick Meathook

For some reason I’ve been reading a lot about the use of the telegraph during the American Civil War (1861-65). I think this open thread would be a good place for each of us to share our favorite Civil War telegraph anecdotes and stories, perhaps accompanied by a picture of some chick with a big ass and fake tits. This Saturday I’ll be organizing a round-table discussion group on Civil War telegraphy. The Frolic Room is the ideal location for this, as it not only doesn’t have any tables but drugs and prostitutes are readily available nearby, or they used to be before the hipsters killed Hollywood.

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Pictured: Civil War hipsters killing Hollywood with telegraphs

8
litre_cola

We just figured out after 3 hours that Decilitre thinks closed means open. So we have apparently been telling him to keep his eyes open the last three hours and my wife lost her mind.

4
Wakezilla

Kids are the worst. Toddlerzilla has entered the whinny stage/I want it stage and. . .honestly, at times I kind of wish someone wants to try and mug me so I can take my frustrations out on that mugger.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

UCLA women’s athletics are really good.

Just won #118 tonight.

1
Mr. Ayo

They got nothing on Houston.

4
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s awesomely hilarious and hilariously awesome.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it bad that I’m considering pulling a Mark Davis post gym?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

You’re driving to Northern California for a bad haircut?

5
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Two more guesses

0
ballsofsteelandfury

You’re moving to Vegas?

5
Mr. Ayo

Panda Express for dinner?

4
BrettFavresColonoscopy

This man misremembers his SI profiles.

Yeah, I’m going to sit at the bar alone at PF Chang’s and act like I’m not the sad loser.

6
Mr. Ayo

In my defense, I am a moron.

4
BrettFavresColonoscopy

The defense rests, your honor.

5
blaxabbath

Deadpool was a movie I enjoyed.

5
King Hippo

I am currently torn in a battle between a Kickstart and 3 Benadryl/1 v-profen

2
herodotus450

No wonder my Big Pharma stocks went up today.

7
Don T

OK i’ll say it: WILL THIS OFFSEASON EVER END?
!

2
King Hippo

NAWT if one commits suicide and goes to limbo!

1
Redshirt

In Cincinnati, it hasn’t even started yet.

0
Redshirt

Hey! The Dolphins are beating the Packers by two touchdowns.

(looks off camera) What? Its June? That’s a baseball score!? Holy shit.

2
King Hippo

Panda got an infield hit earlier. Baseball is fucking weird, man-pony.

0
Senor Weaselo

Also, the Marlins scored double digits? The Marlins scored double digits IN ONE INNING?

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dragged my fat ass to the gym since being fat is part of why I’m so tired but going to the gym makes me tired and I give up

3
King Hippo

Rain Delay Theatre is #BFIB_Classic, Bob Gibson against Los Tigres in the WS.

Jack Buck >>>>>>>> Joe Buck

0
rockingdog

OMG
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2
King Hippo

eating ice cream is great, the post-ice cream shame…less so

5
Sharkbait

Beatles is not where I thought you were going with a song titled “Don’t Let Me Down”

Edit: I know the title is a mismatch. It’s still a good song damnit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9nkzaOPP6g

2
rockingdog

found a funny:
[Random person falls asleep on the bus]
ME: Yes, rest, stranger. I shall hold enough anxiety about you missing your stop for both of us.

5
rockingdog

im going to Traffic Tribunal Court tomorrow morning!
Ok then!

2
Don T

Practice in the mirror: “That’s not my car!”.

5
Redshirt

Just do what I do and say you refuse to acknowledge the courts legitancy until those liars reroute I-70 off of US 30 in Breezewood, PA and make the Interstate Highway System truly complete.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit today’s workout kicked my ass! I haven’t puked after a workout in ages.

Seemed simple enough: Every even minute, do ten burpees. Rest for the remainder of the minute. Every odd minute do 12 box jumps. Rest for the remainder of the minute. Do this for 20 minutes straight.

I had to rest at the 16 minute mark.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

You mispelled “Herpes”.

7
blaxabbath

Fuck that. Eight minutes into that and I’m working on seven seconds rest.

2
Unsurprised

I haven’t done anything all day and I may go out in a bit but I just don’t want to and it sucks.

1
King Hippo

you are describing almost all of my days

2
WCS

I mowed my mother-in-law’s acre yard today, with a “self”-propelled standard mower, that we had to borrow from wifey’s grandpap. I was told the lawn had not been cut since early April; it showed. Apparently, the guy who normally does it (with a riding mower) had surgery to remove kidney stones. As a veteran of five of those little pieces of awful, I cannot imagine what having to have them surgically removed must’ve felt. I think I’d rather be shot in the kneecap.

Anyway, this yard has undulations that would make a putting green at Augusta National jealous. I’m using a 25-year-old mower, which the wheel elevators have rusted and fused together. The grass is five inches tall, more in some spots, and it’s damp.

Got it down in four hours. I’m getting fucking wasted. I earned it.

10
Horatio Cornblower

What, no one had a scythe you could borrow?

8
Unsurprised

Next time, rent something from Home Depot.

I imagine the surgery is probably the most pleasant part of the whole experience based on my experience (watching that one episode of Deadwood).

0
King Hippo

Actually the surgery didn’t hurt one bit. The removal of the thing they put in your peehole…wasn’t pleasant.

Was just so happy to wake up with stones gone. Jesus.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m tiiiiired

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve taken three naps today and still haven’t packed.

2
Unsurprised

Sounds like it’s time for another one.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Gotta get shit packed and loaded into Dave, then I’m napping again.
3am comes early.
Phrasing.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Fell asleep at 3:30 this morning and was awake for our bathroom renovation at 8:00 am, so that was fun.

1
scotchnaut

Chicago Bulls, late 80’s/early 90’s: “WHAT TIME IS IT?”

Me, now: “Bedtime. Duh.”

6
scotchnaut

TSN has an all female crew doing the Women’s World Cup. I’ll bet my last five dollars that their male bosses didn’t bother to even try to sync up their periods. smgdh…

4
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

My boobs have come in but still waiting for my first period

5
King Hippo

I am very, very jelly of your Kaylyn Kyle presence.

2
Don T

That’s summin you gotta let happen.
Trust me.

1
Wakezilla

I don’t feel so bad for thinking the odd college student is easy on the eyes after today. A guy walked in and he had the body of prime era Lou Ferigno and the face of Chris Hemsworth. My boss was on him like white on rice. I haven’t seen anyone be that thirsty since the time I didn’t bring water bottles with me and I camped out at Wadi Rum in the Summer.

9
King Hippo

Like my football watching/supporting, I reckon my perving on the 20-22 cohort is waaaayyyyy down the list of objectionable things about Hippo.

3
Wakezilla

I’m at a community college. Average age is is like 27

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

Address?

1
King Hippo

shit, that ain’t even borderline!

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

I fully respect you for that.
But then again, it is me. Feel your shame as is appropriate.

0
Redshirt

I’m heterosexual but even I have to admit a guy looking like C. Hemsworth/Ferrigno would get me thinking of a purely hypothetical.

2
Don T

College work applications need a “I will look away” box. And modify the signature and verification at the end to
“I hereby certify that every statement above is kinda true per the best of my reliable memories”.

2
Redshirt

One hour of sleep…I think. Been up since 2 AM. And no energy drinks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9H-bKR_oG4

2
herodotus450

As a guy who used to like baseball, what happened to baseball? Didn’t it used to be more interesting/exciting than this? Even in May or June or whatever?

2
King Hippo

Thor v. MadBum is pretty watchable, especially if one likes the Mets broadcast crew (as I do). #BFIB could get rained out.

0
King Hippo

and generally, the way ESPN packages el beisbol (as dumb human interest fodder and a nigh-sole focus on Yanks/SAWX) don’t help none

2
Redshirt

– Good umpires have retired destroying the strike zone.
– Most action now ends with strikeout or homerun with a metric shitton of foul balls.

2
King Hippo

Robot ball/strike calls may be here as soon as 2021 or 2022, per The Athletic. Pilot project in Cape Cod League this summer. Can’t happen soon enough.

2
Horatio Cornblower

This, and also about 2/3 of the teams are now tanking in any given year.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Man, there really is nothing on TV sports-wise…

Pornhub it is!

1
Wakezilla

Being on pornhub is healthier than watching Tv. You burn more calories

3
Redshirt

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2
Don T

IM DRUNK!!!!
for yhe first time seence….*
when was the victorian period?

2
Don T

* When I get teepsee, , the ak cent takes over all manifestashons of Engleshh

3
Wakezilla

I sure hope it’s been less than 9 months since Victoria’s last period

8
theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

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